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Surviving the Americans [Kindle Edition]

James Wilkinson
3.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (14 customer reviews)

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Book Description

'Surviving the Americans' is a series of four extremely entertaining, shockingly true and jaw achingly funny stories. These incredible accounts perfectly blend the English and American humours to guarantee belly laughter both sides of the pond. Each of the adventures is based upon an Englishman exploring the modern United States of America. Our Englishman starts his first adventure by riding a motorbike across the U.S.A. and discovers that the hills do indeed have eyes, and they're giving him a dirty look...

After surviving situations that make the movie Deliverance seem more like a documentary our gallant Brit decides to try his hand at business but bites off more of the Big Apple than he can chew. He soon has a run in with the New York Mafia which results in such a hysterically funny account that it makes Mickey Blue Eyes look like a drama in comparison.

Can a real British gentleman ever adapt to a nation that was founded on the terrible crime of wasting good tea? Well things start looking up when our man is invited to meet Shakespeare’s descendants in New York, which offers an interesting take on Shakespeare's globe and the opportunity to tame an old shrew. Fortunately in that tale all's well that ends well.

The fourth story has our Brit meet up with an old school chum who has moved to Boston and is trying to live the American dream. Our hero soon realises that his old Cambridge pal is leading a double life, and is drawn into the centre of a dark and sinister lie.

"You are in for a real treat, these stories are a mixture of Monty Python and Jack Kerouac. ‘Surviving the Americans' by James Wilkinson has been written to celebrate the Diamond Jubilee of Queen Elizabeth II - God Bless the Queen!"


Someone tapped a glass for everyone’s attention and an elderly Chinese man took to standing on a small stage at the far end of the room. By now I was firmly rooted on the American’s side of the hall, smiling intensely at the Mafia Boss, trying my best to make a good impression. The elderly Chinese man spoke in English, “I will give my speech in sentences, first in English and then in Mandarin.” He started to speak, “I would like to thank our American friends for 30 years of commerce.” Before he repeated the statement in Chinese the Mafia Boss whispered in my ear, “how do we know that what he’s saying in English is the same thing he’s saying in Chinese?” Somewhat drunk, I replied, “don’t worry, we use to own Hong Kong, I’ll translate for you.” The elderly Chinese man started speaking, to which I took it upon myself to whisper my version of his speech to the Mafia Boss. It went something like this:

“These American pigs will all die! The decadent West has for far too long exploited the people’s Chinese army of workers. Long live communism”, I straightened and then finished by saying, “Or something close to that effect.” The Mafia Boss’s face went from red to purple and then to the sort of red that one could only picture existing in the fires of hell. He muttered out, “commie bastards!”

Leaning back down to address my little Italian friend I whispered, “I have a plan.” He looked up at me and replied “let’s hear it.” So I set about explaining to him that the best form of attack would be to cross over to their side of the room and try and shag as many of their women as possible, you know, show them that we’re not all bad. “Good plan”, he replied sharply.

Product details

  • Format: Kindle Edition
  • File Size: 287 KB
  • Print Length: 43 pages
  • Publisher: Lionwing (14 Jan. 2014)
  • Sold by: Amazon Media EU S.à r.l.
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B007Y58G5U
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Enabled
  • Enhanced Typesetting: Enabled
  • Average Customer Review: 3.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (14 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #344,014 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars In my top ten of funniest books. 31 July 2012
The quintessential entertainment value becomes evident in the books extremely original style of narration. Written in the way you might write an e-mail to a friend, Surviving the Americans employs a masterful approach in bringing the reader into the story on a personal level. The writer uses this technique to deliver a view point that is beyond funny and closer to eye wateringly hysterical. In typical keeping with his approach to writing James Wilkinson is very experimental in his comedy. He takes us to the very edge of what we dare to agree with and then using the excuse of naivety drops us off the brink.

The culmination of style and intellect makes for one of the most entertaining adventure books you could hope to read. I've always been a big fan of British comedy and this book has carried my appreciation yet further. It's modern and carries us on an Adventure into our own country as seen through the eyes of a well-educated, charming, young English businessman. His character and appeal is not A typical and his observations of American culture are extremely enjoyable.

There are four main stories, each story follows in chronological order and explains his rise in our society. He starts off exploring America on holiday and soon embraces the American ideals of business. It's not long before he's entangled with the New York Mob, which is one of the funniest of all the adventurer's and explains the cover (horses head). The story peaks when he meets the Great, Great, Great Granddaughter of William Shakespeare (the legendary English playwright) only to discover she's one of us.

The book is very British and shows the inner working of the beautiful English class system at its best.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Really quite good 22 Aug. 2012
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This is really quite good at poking fun at various caricatures using the age old formula of an innocent (possibly?) abroad. It is quite short and easily read. The protagonists translation of a speach in Chineese is a gem.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Short but sweet 8 Nov. 2012
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I found this book to be interesting and quite funny (though not as funny as anticipated), but it isn't very long so was a very quick read.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A great Pick 11 Feb. 2014
I really enjoyed this book, picked it up for our holiday over Christmas and it was a good choice, right up my street, very funny.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Fantastic book!!! 4 Jun. 2014
By sarah
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Great book, very amusing, had a great chuckle reading this book would highly recommend it to anyone!! Such a funny story
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Brilliant 4 Jun. 2014
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Great read. 100% recommend it to anyone. Enjoy. Good bed time read. Buy this book and read it!!!

Matt Penny
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A GREAT READ 4 Jun. 2014
By Ella
Verified Purchase
A great read for anyone wanting a laugh! Not too long or short just an enjoyable laugh out loud book.
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