This book was very helpful to me. I was in a relationship with someone with BPD and we have two daughters together. The book helped to clarify exactly what is going on with her, in the relationship and with me. It helped me to change my behaviour by simply realising that I was never going to succeed in convincing her of anything or getting understanding from her. I had to let that go. A person with BPD lives in a very different reality to most people. This book was really quite surprising to me because so many of the exact words and exact behaviours which I experienced are listed here exactly as I experienced them. When you get to see with clarity what is going on, which this book helps with very much, you stop falling into the same traps. BPD is a very serious illness, and it is often difficult to recognise it as such because many sufferers (my wife included) seem so normal and intelligent in so many other ways, that it is hard to accept that there is a real intractible, unreachable illness there. The only thing you can do really is set very strong limits and protect yourself and your own rights. The book was helpful in realising that the guilt that I had around the relationship is perfectly normal and forms part of the dynamic of living with someone who is incapable of taking responsibility for themselves and their actions, and lives in a constant (self-protective) fight to cast blame onto those around them for all the ills in their life.
By elucidating the dynamics of a relationship with a BPD sufferer, this book also elucidates a certain aspect of every relationship in an exaggerated form - the aspect of manipulation - which every relationship has in some ways, and as such, this book is also a thought-provoking reflection on relationships, manipulation, personal limits and respect in general. Recommended.