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Stop Walking on Eggshells: When Someone You Love has Boderline Personality Disorder Hardcover – 1998


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Product details

  • Hardcover: 260 pages
  • Publisher: MJF Books (1998)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 160671001X
  • ISBN-13: 978-1606710012
  • Product Dimensions: 21.1 x 14.2 x 2.8 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (28 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 1,956,511 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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First Sentence
Is someone you care about causing you a great deal of pain? Read the first page
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Customer Reviews

4.3 out of 5 stars

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

106 of 109 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on 8 Dec 1998
Format: Paperback
One of the scariest things to happen to someone is to be diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder... or to have one of your loved ones diagnosed with BPD. There are many resources that explain what BPD is but they offer little help when it comes to dealing with this disorder in everyday life. Stop Walking on Eggshells not only explains the disorder in clear and simple language but it also offers ways for non-Borderline people to deal with the BPs in their life. And yet, this book is not exclusively for non-Borderline people. As a BP, I found the book to be very educational and sometimes shocking. I learned how my behavior affects others around me. It made me more aware of what non-BPs are thinking and feeling and encouraged me in my desire to change my behaviors through cognitive efforts. The authors are both sensitive to the needs of the Borderline Personality and the non-BPs by using realistic and non-accusatory language. Their goal is to help people deal with this sometimes unexplainable psychological disorder. They do not try to offer solutions but rather focus on different techniques that can be of great aid to non-BPs and Borderline Personalities alike. I recommend this book to anyone who has been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, has a friend or family member with the disorder, or is planning on/works in a field where contact with people is a must.
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243 of 252 people found the following review helpful By Feendog on 17 Feb 2004
Format: Paperback
For those of us who feel like we've been living in some weird plot of the X-files where every so often an alien presence takes over our loved one in unpredictable and often destructive ways this book might just be a godsend.
If you have never lived with someone who has BPD characteristics I can imagine it would be impossible to understand just what it's like. They're brilliant, funny, warm and engaging one moment - and then without warning irrational, blisteringly angry, abusive and manipulative. The rage and abuse can last for several hours, sometimes days, and often through the night until morning. After a while the partner without BPD, or the non-BP as it is termed in this book, begins to question their own sense of perception and what is acceptable and normal. This book provides a lightpost back to reality.
One previous review seems to consider this book as some sort of manual for leaving the relationship and providing convenient labels for justifying this action. I am convinced this reviewer must have read a different book. This book is emphatically not about providing labels but about understanding - understanding that the actions of the person with BP are driven by fear and pain, understanding that in order to be able to provide the framework where a healthy mutually supportive relationship can exist BOTH partners have to be healthy with healthy boundaries. This book is about helping the non-BP have the tools to maintain his or her own personhood and thereby ultimately benefit the relationship.
A BP demands so much of their partner's time, resources and emotional energy. The awful aching emptiness within them, this need for reassurance, this desperate attempt for anything to fill this void and ease the pain and terror.
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62 of 64 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on 19 Aug 1999
Format: Paperback
There are many people who spend their time "walking on eggshells" around their partners - afraid of triggering unpredictable rages. Their lives are a rollercoaster with dramatic highs of passionate love, and terrible lows with rages and physical and verbal abuse. Many have no idea what hit them, why, or how to deal with it.
This book explains what BPD is, what the mechanics of the disorder are, and how to live with people with this disorder. There is also a web site, BPD central, and a e-mail support list for partners of people BPD.
I cannot thank Randi enough for writing this book. I cried while reading, because finally someone could put a name to this thing that was running my life, someone could tell me what was going on, and how to deal with it. The advice in the book is invaluable.
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39 of 43 people found the following review helpful By Ms. L. Chalkley on 14 Mar 2005
Format: Paperback
I bought this book for my partner and tentatively looked through it. I was impressed and suprised that they have been able to take such a complex condition and explain it in so clearly and sensitively. By using the voice of sufferers and of their partners, it is one of the best descriptions of the condition which validates all concerned. It was also very enlightening for me in seeing how contrary and difficult it can be living with me, even though I'm in treatment and actively managing by BPD, that my partner will still be experiencing me as inconsistent in my attention - I wasn't getting that it could upset him. If this book does the job, he should start recognising what he has been going through and that it isn't all him. I believe knowledge is power and anything that gives us an edge and some tools is valuable. We'll see if this book can do the job.
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful By Female over 18 on 20 Aug 2011
Format: Paperback
If there is someone you know in your life with BPD and you want to help them this book is an excellent resource.

Worth its weight in gold.
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42 of 47 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on 25 Aug 1998
Format: Paperback
I don't know how Randi Kreger and Paul Mason did it, but they have made a singular contribution to the world with their web site and with the publication of this life-saving book. Please allow me to post this from the book for anyone looking for help in or out of a bad situation right now:
Predictable Stages: People who love someone with BPD seem to go through similar stages. The longer the relationship has lasted, the longer each stage seems to take. Although these are listed in the general order in which people go through them, most people move back and forth among different stages.
Confusion Stage. This generally occurs before a diagnosis of BPD is known. Non-BPs struggle to understand why borderlines sometimes behave in ways that seem to make no sense. They look for solutions that seem elusive, blame themselves, or resign themselves to living in chaos. Even after learning about BPD, it can take non-BPs weeks or months to really comprehend on an intellectual level how the BP is personally affected by this complex disorder. It can take even longer to absorb the information on an emotional level.
Outer-Directed Stage. In this stage, non-borderlines turn their attention toward the person with the disorder, urging them to seek professional help, attemping to get them to change, and trying their best not to trigger problematic behavior. People at this stage usually learn all they can about BPD in an effort to understand and empathize with the person they care about. It can take nopn-BPs a long time to acknowledge feelings of anger and grief--especially when the BP is a parent or child. Anger is an extremely common reaction, even though most non-BPs understand on an intellectual level that BPD is not the borderline's fault.
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