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Stop Arguing with Your Kids: How to Win the Battle of Wills by Making Your Children Feel Heard [Paperback]

Michael P. Nichols

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Book Description

17 Jun 2004
For parents fed up with constant challenges to their authority, but who dread becoming tyrants in their own homes, this book provides a powerful new alternative to 'because I said so.' Trusted family therapist and author Michael P. Nichols takes on the number-one problem of parents today with the insight and humor that has made his earlier The Lost Art of Listening an enduring bestseller. Presented is a simple, easy-to-follow, yet remarkably effective way to put an end to arguments by refusing to argue back. Instead, the techniques of responsive listening help parents open up better communication in the family; create an atmosphere of respect and cooperation; and take children's feelings into account - without giving in to their demands. Loads of realistic examples help parents defuse whining and defiance and manage common conflicts with preschoolers to teens.

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"This excellent book is one that parents will dog-ear and keep handy. Like a wise grandparent, it helps today's stressed and beleaguered parents calm down and do a better job of parenting. Nichols' responsive listening approach is smart and sound, and it is presented clearly and confidently. I wish I had read "Stop Arguing with Your Kids" when I was a parent; I'll make sure my adult kids get copies."--Augustus Y. Napier, PhD, author of "The Family Crucible" and "The Fragile Bond""Whether dealing with my own four-year-old or my sister's feisty preteen, this book has helped me fashion responses that work."--Mary Comerford, mother of three, Westchester, New York"A widely respected academic authority and clinician, Dr. Nichols understands how families work, and in this book he offers parents a tool to navigate the difficult spots in their developing relationship with their children."--Philip J. Guerin, MD, family psychiatrist, Rye Brook, New York"A gem of a parenting book, with an abundance of empathy and expertise for parent and child. Just wait until you see the experience of being understood in your child's eyes--the battle will become irrelevant."--Marisa Leto, mother of a five-year-old, Greenbrae, California"If you're tired of all those arguments with your kids that leave you feeling frustrated, angry, or guilty, you're in for a real treat. Finally, some down-to-earth, easy-to-understand advice for turning battles into loving interactions. Read it--your kids will thank you!"--Michele Weiner-Davis, author of "Change Your Life and Everyone In It"

About the Author

Michael P. Nichols is Professor of Psychology at the College of William and Mary. He is a well-known family therapist and popular speaker who has been a guest on national television. Dr. Nichols is the author or editor of over a dozen books, including The Lost Art of Listening: How Learning to Listen Can Improve Relationships.

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Customer Reviews

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews on (beta) 4.0 out of 5 stars  4 reviews
13 of 18 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Glad I didn't buy this one! 8 Nov 2005
By Cracked Harp - Published on
I checked this book out at the library. After finishing it last night, I am very glad I didn't spend any money on it! The first part of the book isn't too bad. The author gives fairly straight-forward advice in the first half of the book. I liked his suggestion to not worry so much about why your child is arguing, but focus instead on breaking the cycle of arguing. He has an easy to read writing style that doesn't get bogged down in psychobabble. It isn't anything new...How to Talk So Your Children Will Listen...does a better job.

However, by the middle of the book I started wondering if I was still reading the same book. The tone changes, and there are some really weird off the wall comments ("You guys work it out, I'm going to mix a pitcher of martinis..") He seems to assume that all teenagers will experiment with drugs and premarital sex, and treat their parents like dirt, so we should just make sure we don't argue with them about it. Toward the end he actually says "Parenting is an impossible job". That's why I was reading this book! I don't need to read a book to find out being a parent is a hard job and I just need to lighten up! The book has an abrupt ending. It left me with a feeling that the author just said "Our time is up", and walked out of the room.

Don't waste your time reading this one. The author obviously felt he was wasting his time writing it toward the end.
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent Parental Resource 29 Aug 2011
By Peggy Sue - Published on
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
I recommend this book to all parents who are wanting to connect effectively with their kids...particularly "tweens" and teenagers. It so gently explains the effectiveness of being willling to listen and understand first the young person's perspective before actualizing the role as "parent leader". Kids will give the respect they receive. This book makes so clear the process of concensus even when there is disagreement in perspective. Respect is the key. Safety is the priority. I have given it to countless parents seeking my help with broken child-parent relationships.
8 of 13 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A superb guide to the basics of responsive listening 7 Jan 2005
By Midwest Book Review - Published on
Psychology professor Michael P. Nichols, Ph.D. presents Stop Arguing With Your Kids: How To Win The Battle Of Wills By Making Your Children Feel Heard, a guide for parents to showing one's children that their feelings and thoughts matter without necessarily giving into their demands. The key to the method is refusing to argue back - one can make and stick to tough decisions, while still listening to what one's children have to say. A superb guide to the basics of responsive listening and how to break bad habits, get closer in touch with one's children, and weather the inevitable storms of adolescence. Highly recommended.
0 of 1 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Helpful 24 Aug 2013
By Patrick Lynch - Published on
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
As a human services professional, I found the advice in this book to be extremely helpful in dealing with difficult children and adolescents. It is certainly geared more towards parents than professionals
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