Staring At The Sun: Being at peace with your own mortality: Overcoming the Terror of Death [Paperback]

The fear of death confronts all human beings at some stage in life, especially the old age. This fear is as old as the evolution of human beings. The author is an eminent psychiatrist, and he discusses the results of some of his case studies, and provides some insights in this area. The book is described in seven chapters. After a brief introduction (chapter 1), the author describes the symptoms of death anxiety (chapter 2), and how to confront it (chapter 3). Chapters 4 and 5 describes how the thoughts of some philosophers and therapists could be combined cooperatively to overcome the fear of death, and in chapter 6 he offers a memoir of his personal experiences with death and mortality. The author is very candid about this fear. The last chapter offers some instruction to clinical psychologists who counsel patients on death anxiety since very few professional schools offer training in this area.

There is an interesting case of a 29 year old woman who was wrongly diagnosed by several therapists for sexual abuse instead of her fear of death. As a child she experienced her father's unpredictable episodes of rage which caused her insecure feelings and death anxiety (pages 16-21). The case of "Susan" a middle aged professional woman is another interesting case whose death anxiety is masked by her distress at her son's run in with law for drug offenses and being jailed (pages 23-30). Based on the data provided it is unclear to the reader if "Susan" is fearful of getting old or she is afraid of death. It is very common among middle aged women to be fearful of getting old and this is not the same as death anxiety. While discussing about sudden realization or awakening experience about human mortality the author refers to the story Ebenezer Scrooge and his remarkable transformation. In many case studies urgent life events such as death in the family or terminal cancer or recurring dreams cause a person to be transformed and reevaluate one's life and start realizing the uncertainties of life. In this regard the story of "Alice," a grieving widow is very interesting. The author counseled this patient for over 30 years and he chronicles a remarkable transformation from grief due to her husband's death to a new person; when she realizes that she has strong affinity for worldly possessions, and she "frees" herself. The affliction due to loosing a loved one or a material possession in life will have lasting effect and securing the mind from these losses and understanding life in a "new light" is essential. This is synchronous with Buddhist ideals and Buddhist thought, but the author has not made this connection. The author has discussed several case studies in chapter 3. The power of ideas (chapter 4) is somewhat diffused; he narrates some philosophical ideas but does not focus on overcoming the death anxiety. Rippling is a good example to overcome distress in life perhaps not universally successful. The case study of Jack, an attorney illustrates an interesting method of overcoming the fear of death; by strengthening connections with other people or with an activity by focusing on obstacles that avoid making these connections (pages 140-145).

The sixth chapter is the most interesting personal document of author's real feelings about God, life and mortality. The author describes his experience with death, such as witnessing the deaths of his father, mother, his close relatives, mentors and friends that adds a level of depth to feelings of the reader. It makes the reader relate his/her experiences with death in their own way. The dreams that follow the death of a friend or family member and how they are correlated with each other in an abstract way are interesting. The author discusses his feelings about faith, but he doesn't discuss the effect of prayers on a person's death anxiety, although there are many books in the literature that shows positive effect of faith. The author clearly states that he is not religious and his objective interpretation of mortality stems directly from his thoughts as a psychiatrist, in this regard he gives several clinical examples and case studies (chapter 6, and page 248). One interesting example is when Dalai Lama visited Stanford in 2005; eminent professors including many Nobel laureates rushed to greet him by calling him "Your Holiness." The author notes it is the lust for submission that generates faith (page 163). In this chapter the author concedes that he has avoided writing extensively about religious consolation; he reasserts that he respects the faith of a person, but may not share his views. His work is rooted in secular, existential worldview that has no room godly phenomenon. This is somewhat debatable as the author himself notes that much of human's fear of God emanates from religious upbringing or life events that change a person profoundly only to turn him/her to faith and hope. This is tremendous amount of psychological power that virtually removes a person from despair and fear of death into peace!

The last chapter highlights some key elements of therapist - patient relationship. The author obviously likes more therapists to be trained in dealing with patients about death anxiety, but he also offers some insights into the profession. There are several case studies reported in this chapter and some of his patients are other practicing therapists (pages 206, 257). A reader wonders how secure these therapists are in comprehending the psychological factors confronting their patients. It is frightening for some readers to know that some therapists are sexually attracted to their patients (pages 210 & 217). While the author promotes the idea of a therapist to be honest in dealing with patients but offers some advise on how to entertain personal questions from patient to a therapist, especially those that may have negative impact on patients (pages 241-244.)

Note: The page numbers refer to the "advanced uncorrected proof (galley)." This copy was made available under the Amazon Vine program.

One irritated quibble out of the way: a previous reviewer said that as a Christian he "knows" that death is not the end. I can only assume that this is the sort of parapraxis all too frequently encountered in the religious who actually mean to write "believe" and mistakenly write "know." Some people, for reasons best known to themselves, believe that death is not the end of personal consciousness, which is entirely their right: they do not know as much, however much the religionist likes to conflate these two entirely different and separate concepts.

Anyway. Yalom's latest book is a delight - much as one would expect from so engaging a writer of both fiction and non-fiction. Trying to tackle the human existential terror of annihilation is a tall order for even the most ably qualified of people, but Yalom, as an existential therapist with nearly half a century of experience, is superbly placed. This is not necessarily to say that Yalom could succeed or has succeeded where innumerable philosophers past and present have failed (in reconciling the human existent to the end of life and consciousness): but it is no disservice to so wise and engaging a man or his book to say that it is a beautifully attractive whistle-stop tour of what both ancient thinkers such as Epicurus (something of a hero to Yalom, as well he might be) and contemporary psychotherapy can do to speak to the human condition vis a vis death - finite and mortal creatures, we all have to face up in one way or another, reality-based or not, to the end of our individual lives and those things which we have created within those lives.

Contrary to what the previous reviewer may think, countless people outside his own atypically religious society and culture do indeed face up to the end of life (their own and that of others) without the dubious alleged 'benefits' of death-denying religious stories. Yalom, as an existential psychotherapist, reminds us not just how but more importantly why such an effort is made. One might say that the entire book is in a sense an expansion of the famous remark of Bertrand Russell, paraphrased roughly as saying that looking hard reality square in the face may be chilly at first, but ultimately becomes bracing. I cannot recommend this book highly enough - a lovely, lyrical and at times highly personal meditation from a true humanist.

Yalom's new book about overcoming the terror of death was a surprise to me. Although I have thought about death, I am not afraid of death itself. Even at this age - approaching 50 - my thoughts are mainly consumed with making plans about the future, and definitely not death.

Nevertheless, I read this book with great interest. I was surprised to discover that Yalom refers to the knowledge and tranquillity he found in ancient wisdom, particularly that of ancient Greek philosophers and that of Epicurus especially. I am interested in how the Greek philosophers approached life and its meaning. I have studied - not extensively - Epicurus ideas, but I never, until now, connected them with my perception about life and death. Reading Yalom's book made me realise how much the philosopher's powerful ideas as well as other writers' work - mainly Kazantzakis and Tolstoy - have influenced my thinking on how to face death and how to live.

Despite the extensive references, Yalom should perhaps have explored in more detail Epicurus' ideas. When I finished chapter four, I had the feeling that something important is missing, something may be untold. Moreover, Epicurus powerful message was somehow lost his importance between the many examples from films, literature and clinical case histories.

I particularly liked Yalom's way of thinking about paranormal and religious beliefs. As a person that I never believed in any God I hold with Yalom's line of secular humanism. But, this may be a problem to some readers whose religious and spirituals beliefs are different, and may be add more anxiety and probably confusion to those who are unprepared or spiritually, not strong enough, to accept the idea of emptiness and nothingness after death. That is one more reason of why the philosophers ideas should be presented with a more precise and clear way that would intrigue the reader to go and explore further the philosophers' writings.

I found very satisfying Yalom's approach to Freud's lack of interest or failure to explore death fears. I had always my reservations on Freud's belief that the origins of neurosis rested on the assumption of conflict between various unconscious, primitive and instinctual forces. Death or the fear of death for Freud could play no role in the genesis of neurosis because we have no personal experience of death and it is impossible to contemplate our nonbeing.

Although it is impossible to contemplate our nonbeing we experience death from a very early age as we don't fail to have glimpses of mortality everywhere in nature and our surroundings. The interpretation of Epicurus ideas and Yalom's clinical cases show that humans unconsciously express with a distinguished way their concerns about death. According to Yalom, excessive religiosity, the consuming accumulation of wealth and consumerism, the blind gasping for power and fame are all signs of human's continuous and wasted fight to mortality.

It was a rather uncomfortable surprise to discover that modern psychiatrists and therapists need also help to deal with the fear of death and in some cases are unable to deal with everyday issues and situations. I am not an expert on psychotherapy and I have never being in counselling or on a therapist's coach. I am very reluctant to believe that our dreams have some secret meaning or that they reflect our fears. Maybe that is because I rarely remember any of my dreams or maybe because my logic indicates that if you want to find a meaning or a message, you can find anywhere, anyway. I don't forget that therapists are also humans with their own fears and problems to overcome, but these signs of impotence made me wonder about their effectiveness to make other people feel better. I can't stop thinking that maybe a long lasting treatment or counselling is just another form of dependence that hampers humans' free spirit.

Nevertheless, I liked the book and I believe that it can offer a lot of help to many people to face their fears and the anxiety of death. Most importantly, it reminds us that "life is a passing parade". We will die well when we fulfil our potential, and live a life with meaning, when we "Leave death nothing but a burned out castle."