I remember life before my new cable arrived. Bleak. Repetitive. Each day another struggle under the crushing weight of banality as I limp towards the empty sucking void that will be my mortal end.
That all changed, precious days ago. My cable is everything I've ever wanted. Friend, confidante, and XLR cable, all rolled into one sleek black package. At nights it whispers to me with the promise of ages. "You dazzling hunk of man-meat," it seems to say, as I coil it up to put it away. "You chiselled golden Adonis." It makes me feel like a MAN, like the man I never could be, which is all the more awe-inspiring as I am, in fact, a woman.