Songs of three islands: A Memoir [Kindle Edition]

Every human being who has ever had to face adversity can gain strength from this story...of wrestlings with the terrible angels of mental illness in loved ones...of solace from nature...including, in the end, human nature and its spark of the divine.

Who among us can say we do not have the same story, to some degree? The degree here is extreme, hence the book's drama; but what transforms this book from mere reading into true human experience is its searingly truthful poetic writing.

The mental illness this memoire describes is protean, much like the diagnosis of "borderline," yet this book describes unflinchingly the tolls that such a phenomenon can take on a family--and the truthseeking, soulsearching, and, finally, sanity it can yield.

THIS IS GREAT LITERATURE. Compared to what? Compared to Homer, Proust, Tolstoy! It was my privilege to hand-deliver this manuscript to the publisher in Oxford. I wasn't asked to read it, but did take a look while on the train to my destination and could NOT put it down. I am familiar with the Literary Canon, but never has any book captivated me so completely. Arriving at Oxford, I went to the publisher's, but told him I could not relinquish the pages until I had read every word. There I sat in a waiting room all afternoon and well into the evening, turning the pages. Oxford could wait, but this book could not. Neither should you.

Dear friends known and unknown, I urge you to experience this exquisitely expressed story of how sorrow upon sorrow, experienced with truth and courage, can produce a beautiful soul. It's a lyrical journey you must not miss.

Dear Millicent,

I was so saddened and angered to read your book. You talk about mental illness in your family as the cause of your daughter's "borderline personality disorder," which is still a very controversial diagnosis to this day. It is interestingly self-serving how you claim that mental illness from your father jumped directly to your daughter and left you completely untainted. You are the star of this book, and your daughter is the "psychic terrorist." You portray yourself as mental-illness free, and yet I am not so sure.

I grew up with a mother who was "borderline" and when I reached 18, I couldn't take it anymore. I, like your daughter, was full of rage at her. My mother's wild mood swings, her impulsiveness, her constant fights with people and her friends, her constant blaming of her faults on me, her constant accusations of her bad moods as MY fault, her inability to listen to my opinions took a very heavy toll on me, both psychically and physically. It was extremely difficult to have someone be so wonderfully loving to me and then, like a flash of lightning, withhold that love from me immediately, for an unperceived slight. I literally had to walk on eggshells around her. You can see then how my desperation grew into rage, since my feelings and opinions were never acknowledged or given recognition as "real" things. Only her feelings and opinions mattered, never mine. Only her reality was the "one true reality," while mine was dismissed as false and at times, as fantasy.

Hence, I acted out, just like your daughter. I went to therapy and made peace with the fact that my mother, even though she is a wonderful person, had also, inadvertently, harmed me with her personality. I now have a great relationship with my mother because I have learned not to take her mood swings as my fault. When she gets moody, I make sure to leave her alone.

So before you continue portraying yourself as the saintly and loving mother with the villainous daughter, I would recommend that you, yourself, go to therapy and see whether your personality had anything to do with your daughter's "mental illness." Perhaps growing up with a difficult father (as you write in your book), like my mother did, made you adapt with personality deficits that then affected how you viewed your own daughter.

Also, I found it gravely irresponsible that you wrote a book about "borderline personality disorder" and left out the fact that CURRENT research shows that people who exhibit "borderline symptoms" are usually people who have been raised by a "borderline parent." I assume that you left this KEY PIECE out of your narrative, since it would have detracted from the saintly image of the good mother you want the public to know.

I recommend that you read the excellent book "The Borderline Mother" and see whether you recognize yourself in its pages.

Finally, to write about your daughter, YOUR OWN VERY DAUGHTER, and her "disease" is not motherly love. So please, re-evaluate the perception you have of yourself HONESTLY with a therapist. Thank you.

Cordially,
Mathilde

Millicent Monk's current book, "Songs of Three Islands," raises four major issues for the reader to consider:

1. The assertion that there is mental instability passed down in four generations on the female side. [Speculation]

2. The writer's conclusion that her mother, Lucy, may have had borderline personality disorder (BPD), and possibly Aunt "Negie" before her, and that her daughter, "Cassandra," has inherited this disturbance. (See p.145, 20 and 218) [All speculation.]

3. The problem of inaccuracies and misleading statements in the book that are damaging to family members, past and present.

4. The problem for "Cassandra" is how to:
(a) prevent publication; and
(b) present a private and public objection to negative,damaging and speculative material in this book, within the constraints of a powerful family organization.

In considering Issue No. 4, the reader should consider p.139:
"Some years later, we came to feel we never should have left her ("Cassandra") at McLean, both because of my subsequent experience with the psychiatrist there and because there appeared to be no real improvement." Left between the ages of 15-21 with no real improvement? What is not said is, not only was there no real improvement, but real damage was done by McLean's treatments and lack of supervision, which included solitary confinement, sexual assault by a staff member, multiple psychiatric medications, including heavy doses of the neuroleptic, thorazine (p.131).

[Note: Dr. Peter Breggin of Harvard Medical School has said that "All neuroleptics produce an enormous variety of potentially severe and disabling neurological impairments at high rate of occurrence, and they are among the most toxic agents ever administered to people."]

"Cassandra's" extended stays at McLean damaged her physical, mental and social functioning; she entered McLean at age 15 when she was too young to make a responsible and informed decision as to the value of McLean's treatment. Her parents did not correctly assess the potential for damage at McLean; they permitted potentially dangerous psychiatric drugs to be administered for the better part of 6 years, isolating "Cassandra" from the normal world, friends, and family members.

Issue No. 2, BPD: This diagnosis is entirely speculative. Frequent reference is made to "Cassandra's" childhood and adult outbursts of "rage" as being possibly linked to BPD. Outbursts of rage can be the result of neurological damage, at any age, i.e., a blow to the head; damage to the brain by drugs or medications; damage to the brain/nervous system by physical or mental violence, inappropriate treatments, including protracted use of psychiatric drugs, lengthy confinement in an institution, including physical restraints and solitary confinement, deprivation of normal childhood activities and normal companionship.

It is not likely that mental illness was passed down in the family through Millie's Aunt "Negie" or Cassandra's maternal grandmother, Lucy. Millicent's speculation that Aunt "Negie" and Lucy were mentally dysfunctional because of BPD cannot be proved. It is far more likely that Aunt "Negie," whose husband died in 1886, leaving her a widow for 16 years with nine children, suffered from partial isolation, family stress, failing health, or a disease of old age. Millicent's mother, Lucy, must have been severely depressed at being married to a highly abusive, promiscuous drunk. A drunk who, privately and publickly, abused and disgraced her. Lucy's neurotic and depressive behavior was likely the outcome of marital experiences, and not necessarily a symptom of BPD. Millicent, herself, says that, as a child, she was isolated in a dysfunctional, violent household in Boston, and disturbed by her parent's fighting. She was physically neglected and frightened and began to live in a fantasy world, suffering depression, fear and disassociation. Millicent is her mother's victim.

"Songs of Three Islands" floats in the half-drowned imagery of decay, violence and death. The good Carnegie name muddied by passing time and painful recollection; the islands become a retreat from reality and a reminder of death. It is sad that Andrew Carnegie's name is invoked to sell this horror story.

Throughout the story, Millicent's daughter, son and granddaughter appear under pseudonyms. All are well known in their hometown, a venerable Atlantic seaport where gossip flourishes. Elizabeth, the Queen Mother, no stranger to family troubles, firmly advised her staff: "Some things are best left unsaid." Unsaid and unsung, she might have added.