From the Publisher
"The publisher of this book wishes me to vouch for the writer of this book who is a friend of mine in order to utilise whatever celebrity kudos the writer of this quote, i.e, me, has left in order to advance the sales of this book. This has been duly done in the form of this quote. I am sure the book is very good though I cannot remember what it is called or whether I have read it. Ive read lots of his stuff and its always good and I am in no way biased."
Thom Yorke, middle-aged father of two
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
After a tortured night I awake full of determination.
I review my position, and consider with circumspect gravity my inner strength.
My new job demands much, and I eat my breakfast whilst wearing a serious and adult expression.
I suck the hot coffee with a professionally pained mouth, and flip the pages of my broadsheet nonchalantly.
I swoop back up the stairs in my towelling dressing-gown, and fling open my wardrobe in a manner which I assume to be casual and easy.
My suit hangs in front of me, full of nothing. It is up to me to fill it with myself.
I pull on the trousers, and carefully fold my penis behind the zip, fastening the button with what I hope is a manly grin.
I tuck my shirt into the trousers, and spend some time with my understated tie.
My jacket feels slightly small under my arms, but it is nothing anyone would notice.
I wonder what my new workmates will be like, and fantasise briefly about the relationships I may possibly enjoy with other members of the organisation.
I glance once again at my digital watch, and decide that I am ready.
I pull on my coat, check that I have my keys, and walk out of the front door, slamming it firmly behind me.
I stand outside, looking blankly ahead, realising I don't have a new job at all.