Sinister Tide [Paperback]

Without doubt the shallowest reading experience money can buy. If only I could give it no stars.

On the other hand, even the most infantile writers remember that while their narrative can be as flowery as they like, in dialogue, people usually speak in a register which is representative of their class, situation and relationship to the listener. So you'd find: "Cor blimey, gov! You gave me right fright and no mistake", gasped the chimney sweep. "I say, sorry about that, old bean", replied Raffles, unperturbedly.

Colin Forbes is entirely unaware of this convention which has been in existence since Homer wrote the Iliad and puts his purple prose directly into the mouths of his characters. So we have bizarre exchanges like: "In that town which clings to the hillside, you will find in a maze of streets, the house of Joe Bloggs", said the village Bobby.

The effect is most disconcerting. Since none of the conversations are in the slightest convincing, you get the impression that the whole book is a wind-up and cannot take anything seriously thereafter.

One of the reasons I bought this book was that the blurb offered that much of the action takes place in Geneva and Annecy. Since I live in Geneva and visit Annecy frequently I was impressed by this and by the statement that the author likes to visit all his locations during research. After ploughing painfully through the relevant sections, I can only conclude that Mr Forbes visit to Geneva consisted of looking out of the window during a bus tour.

I could go on about wooden characters, silly boring story and implausible plot but I will summarise by saying that this book is utter drivel of the utmost drivellest sort.

I did not finish it and, in the end, I did something I have never done with a book before - I threw it in the bin.

And the review? You know how it goes: this is a weak book. The plot is identical to his recent efforts. The characters are not at all fleshed out - we don't care what happens to them, not that anything untoward will because Forbes simply does not do the slightest harm to his supermen avatars.

But here's the difference. The dialogue just got suicide-inducing. Forbes seems to have forgotten which parts of the narrative should be his voice and which should be the characters'. Frequently a character will break a reasonably tense situation by saying something like "Yes, I sense the hand of the Minister, who has just been appointed this past month, has millionnaire estate; drives a porsche and owns a country club, a short man with thin black hair and a pointed nose like a rat's, giving him his nickname "The Rodent", in sending these two people here." It's really unforgiveable.

It's such a crying shame that Colin Forbes has sunk to this level. Just reading over reviews of his less recent books show he has some real talent in him - sadly the books degrade as time goes on. I notice he has recently changed publisher, and his current novel, "The Vorpal Blade", is being touted by them as different style; a "Crime Thriller", although still involving Tweed and the gang. I only hope it proves to be the refreshment his books need.

Those interested in reading Colin Forbes, read the earlier books - some are well worth the effort. The early Tweed ones are especially good, and full of genuinely new ideas. My personal favourite is "The Power" - certainly not the best written and very much in the classic Forbes structure, but much more compelling than some other similar ventures. Just don't read this one unless you're a devotee.