Shit My Dad Says [Paperback]

'One of the funniest and simultaneously rudest men ever (Justin's Dad). The book shows Justin inherited his father's comedy genes and, as well as being very funny, also paints a great story of regular American family life - albeit with added swearing and an obsession with bowel movements.' --Guardian Guide

'Bigoted, rude, filthy - and currently conquering America... Shit My Dad Says encompasses far more, however, than the 118 tweets Halpern has so far put up on his site. A mix of personal reminiscence and self-deprecating humour, the book takes in his childhood, 1980s America, his relationships with his brothers, his failings in Hollywood, giant steaks, drunk college blondes, and, of course, countless scatological jokes: a funny, silly, well-observed tribute to American male-hood. The book is...straight up hilarious, dry and wry and full of vim, thanks, mostly, to the brilliant character of Halpern Snr.' --Sunday Times, Culture Magazine

'A book came out, and last month it hit No 1 on the New York Times bestseller list, edging out Laura Bush's memoir. When Halpern told his father this, the reaction was phlegmatic. 'Trust me,' Halpern Snr said of Bush. 'She doesn't give a fuck. She could have you killed.' --The Observer

'Justin Halpern became a Twitter sensation when he started posting the grouchy, and sometimes profane, comments made by his 73 year old dad. Tweets such as: 'You seen my cell phone? What's it look like? Like two horses (mating). It's a phone, son. It looks like a phone.' --Scotland on Sunday

'Justin's dad says a lot of funny things, and when he decided to update Twitter with some of his old man's pearls of wisdom he became of an overnight sensation. This book includes some of the best quotes from Mr Halpern senior. You will roar with laughter.'
--The Sun

'With a million-plus followers, Justin became a Twitter sensation by posting his grumpy 73-year-old dad's 'wisdom'. Now he's produced a book about their relationship. Is it wrong to kind of wish his dad was our dad too?' --Cosmopolitan

'A chaotic, real-life portrait of a father/son relationship.' --TNT Magazine

'Born off the back of Hapern's Twitter feed, this is a book about his relationship with his father, interwoven with Halpern Sr's pearls of wisdom. For example: "Pick your furniture like you pick a wife; it should make you feel comfortable and look nice, but not so nice that if someone walks past it they want to steal it."' --Shortlist

'Watch out for this gem of a read from 29-year-old Halpern, who started a Twitter page last year on the musings of his father and so created a funny, touching portrait of their relationship. More than 1.3m people subscribe to the page which inspired this book and forthcoming TV show staring William Shatner. It will make you laugh out loud.' --Press Association

'As Justin grows up the book captures the awkward formative moments between father and son - the hangovers, the first break-up and the "sex education" that consisted of Halpern Snr presenting his son with a pile of condoms... Despite this tough love, a sense of deep fondness runs all the way through and ultimately it's the story of a father trying to teach his son right from wrong and bring him up the best way he can. In many ways Halpern Snr is the voice of reason in a world where we spend too long pussy-footing around, fearful of creating offence.' --The Independent:

'At last the book of the greatest Twitter star ever.' --www.sabotagetimes.com

'Sam Halpern is an internet phenomenon. The 73 year old has the cynical observational skills of Larry David. Not for the easily offended, but it's riotously funny.' --News of the World

'A coming of age memoir with a difference. There's unlikely to be another dad on the planet like Sam Halpern...For as long as Justin can recall, his dad has been a ball of profanities, every curse couched in a devastatingly funny insult or observation, intentional or otherwise.' --The List

'This had me in fits of laughter from the moment I picked it up in the bookshop. There's something hysterical on every page.' --Best Comedy book in Time Out's Books of the Year

'At 28 years old, I found myself living at home, with my 73-year-old father. As a child, my father never minced words, and when I screwed up, he had a way of cutting right through the bullshit and pointing out exactly why I was being an idiot. When I moved back in I was still, for the most part, an idiot. But this time, I was smart enough to write down all the things he said to me…' Meet Justin Halpern and his dad. Almost one million people follow Mr Halpern’s philosophical musings every day on Twitter, and in this book, his son weaves a brilliantly funny, touching coming-of-age memoir around the best of his sayings. What emerges is a chaotic, hilarious, true portrait of a father and son relationship from a major new comic voice. As Justin says at one point, his dad is ‘like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair’; and this is the sort of shit he says… ‘You know, sometimes it’s nice having you around. But now ain’t one of those times. Now gimmie the remote, we’re not watching this bullshit.’ ‘Happy Birthday, I didn’t get you a present… Oh, mom got you one? Well, that’s from me then, too – unless it’s shitty.’  ‘Your brother brought his baby over this morning. He told me it could stand. It couldn’t stand for shit. Just sat there. Big let down.’ ‘The worst thing you can be is a liar . . . Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but THEN, number two is liar. Nazi 1, Liar 2.’ ‘Why the f**k would I want to live to 100? I’m 73 and shit’s starting to get boring. By the way, there’s no money left when I go, just fyi.’