Shark Attack 3 [DVD]

and some more words: If you like movies that are good because they are so bad then this is the movie for you...

If you want: ad-libbed lines that will having you rolling on the floor with laughter; and an oh-so-cheesy end line delivered with the best cheesy grin i've ever seen. You must see this film. You'll know the ones I mean when you see it; Stock footage of shark attacks that just don't fit in, because the makers knew it wouldn't so they didn't bother trying; Close up shots that don't match the wide angle; To see a most remarkable TARDIS submarine. From the outside it's a 1 man sub, but the inside fits 2 men and gear and there's more than enough space to swing a cat in; The Hero taking on the shark that's already munched it's way through the extras with, wait for it, a Baseball Bat! {Nice going mate. Why didn't you pick up the fire axe instead?}; A plot with holes you could fit a Megalodon through then this is the movie for you; To see the Hero smile every time he gives someone a drink. What did he put in it I wonder?; To try and pinpoint the minute actors realised how bad this film was, it'll keep you guessing; To see The Hero's technical wizardry! using a magic camera he can take a picture of a sharks tooth with the camera shutter *closed* and it will still have a perfect background and such clarity only to be dreamt of; Stereotyped characters that just don't want to break out of their mould no matter how hard they don't try; To see anyone that even so much as touches a toe in the water get the the doom they deserve; The villains get payback in the B-Movie way, just perfection; If it's one thing I like about movies like this it's Bad Science. There's volumes of it in this one. My most favourite being the hero surviving an underwater explosion at close range. WOW!;

Always carry a spare, it's the navy way!

I highly recommend watching this film with a few friends and a generous supply of alcohol - it is hysterically funny! The story makes no sense, the special effects are atrocious and the cast know it. Even the most unobservant will notice at least a dozen continuity errors, particularly relating to scale as the shark continually changes size (and species in the stock footage).

[...] If you want an enjoyable couple of hours, buy it now!

The answer? Who cares! Shark Attack 3 is one the stupidest excuses for a movie ever created - and yet it manages to entertain. What's even more laughable are the constant references to the original 'Jaws', which obviously proved something of a basis. The only difference is that Jaws was produced by a sober production team.

John Barrowman does himself no favors by playing a complete dumbass of a lifeguard whom encounters a shark tooth he's never seen before (he manages to notice how unusual it is, yet he has no experience of shark-anatomy...), and hands the artifact over to a typically good-looking scientist whom sports firm breasts and, to go with the job, absolute dire acting skills. Naturally, the shark tooth relates to species that is apparently instinct. So Barrowman decides to take it out with a measly little hand-gun so the coast is during holiday season.

It's a shame then that a 100ft+ mother shark is also encountered trying to gobble up their boat, only to escape with a ridiculous 'camera' harpooned on to it. And since the authorities still won't close the beach, it's up to Barrowman and his merry team to destroy this beast with a de-commissioned torpedo that makes an Exocet missile look like a paintball gun.

The special effects in this film have absolutely nothing 'special' about them. Almost every scene with a shark in it is take from poor quality library footage, then either slowed down, reversed, or mirrored to make it look different! Even a scene where one of the characters (the script is that bad it doesn't even name most of the characters) is reeling in a Merlin, the footage is that shoddy that you can see grains of dirt, dust, and hairs all over the film. It looks so stupid its impossibly funny, because Gerry Anderson did a better job with Thunderbirds.

Even our megagagaladonana.... shark seems to have a knack for morphing in scale. In one scene, his mouth is big enough to just about eat a life raft, then the next it's big enough so that a submersible only just about fills the corner of its mouth? Don't even mention the eventual explosion of the torpedo - given it's reflected on film as having the power of an A Bomb, John Barrowman had no trouble surviving a mile-radius implosion.

I needn't say anymore. Get your friends round, gather the drinks, and disengage your brain!