I found "To Love and Cherish..." a disturbing yet compelling account of a woman's long struggle as a victim of spousal sexual abuse. It made me angry and brought me to tears. As a counselor I deal with hidden shame and terror on a daily basis, including marital rape, incest, physical and sexual assault and much more. "To Love and to Cherish" is authentic. It mirrors the experiences of my clients and brings hidden, disgusting, dark marital practices into bright, open, cleansing light. The author was unbelievably courageous to share such personal parts of her life. Her brave, vulnerable account will serve as both a warning to perpetrators and more so an invitation to their victims to resist and escape their unimaginably painful acts of insensitivity, domination and cruelty.
"Anything Goes" has been the sexual montra of the modern age. "To Love and to Cherish" has exposed an extreme expression of "Anything Goes" as heinous and destructive. She has firmly and appropriately altered the culture's voice of freedom to read "Anything Mutually Enjoyable and Consensual Goes." Being Loving must include "respect" and "self control" so the wishes of both partners have equal weight in the relationship. I hope this book finds its way into the hands of the thousands of women (and men) whose experience has included hidden practices of sexual abuse in their own relationships. Then I hope that the victims of spousal sexual abuse will have courage enough halt unwanted sexual advances or practices. I hope they say resist with their feet, walking or running away from their abuse and then sprinting toward their what their hearts need and deserve. It is my hope that these women believe they are worthy of tenderness, caring attention, respect and understanding expressed with a humbly honored "no."