- Paperback: 240 pages
- Publisher: Thorsons; New Edition edition (4 Feb 2002)
- Language English
- ISBN-10: 0007100892
- ISBN-13: 978-0007100897
- Product Dimensions: 21.6 x 13 x 2 cm
- Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars See all reviews (5 customer reviews)
- Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 222,852 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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Product Description
Product Description
Relationships as a spiritual path – transforming conflict into intimacy
Most couples feel conflict is the sign of a problem arising in a relationship. Nick Duffell and Helena Lovendal have come to appreciate conflict as a means for reaching greater intimacy. This book will enable readers to transform potentially difficult situations into opportunities for greater self-knowledge and truer partnership.
Case studies from the authors' own experience, courses and counselling provide key insights into how to make relationships work.
From the Author
We want to thank all those readers who have contacted us to say how much the book has helped them. Thank you for bothering to write to us. Please continue to give us feedback and enquire about workshops for couples and singles on the subject of relationship, gender, and sexuality.
Best wishes,
Helena and Nick
info@genderpsychology.com
Best wishes,
Helena and Nick
info@genderpsychology.com
Inside This Book
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First Sentence
The lights went out and the lock on the office door made a satisfying 'clunk'. Read the first page
Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Back Cover
The lights went out and the lock on the office door made a satisfying 'clunk'. Read the first page
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Concordance
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Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Back Cover
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Customer Reviews
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
22 of 22 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
This is a delightful and inspiring book which will be of interest to anyone who has struggled with intimate relationships as a lover, a couples counsellor or both. It is a skilfully written exploration of the process of relationship, describing the transformation that is possible through a long-term sexual relationship, and it manages to be both profound and accessible.
Nick and Helena offer us a context for living in and working with relationships which takes as its starting point that conflict between a man and a woman in an intimate relationship is inevitable, and in fact necessary, for the alchemy to happen to produce the gold of potent intimacy. Their expertise and wisdom is rooted in their own experience and therefore their discussion is limited to heterosexual relationships.
Looking at heterosexual relationships in an historical, political and social context, they conclude that Western society is currently in an adolescent stage with regard to relationships and sexuality. Adolescence is not in itself bad, unless we get stuck there, but it is a time of great turbulence and confusion and we need to find a way of maturing.
They take us through the levels of relationship, from the magic of falling in love, through the hell of disappointment and polarization, endless painful conflict or avoidance of conflict, and suggest way of understanding and navigating the stormy seas of polarization to reach the other shore of potent intimacy.
We are introduced to the three different axes of polarization: power and vulnerability, the inner family where our parents' relationship and their relationship to us as children plays such a significant role, and gender difference. They will be criticised for insisting that there are fundamental differences between a man and a woman, which we ignore at our peril. This is not a regression to pre-feminist stereotyping, but rather the next step in forging truly potent intimate relationships through harnessing this enormous energy created by the coming together of equal but different masculine and feminine energies.
A vivid, painful and tender story of a couple going through the various awful and wondrous interactions runs alongside their theoretical exposition, bringing it to life and constantly putting the reader in touch with his/her own struggle to love and be loved.
Through the use of poetry and quotations from wise teachers through the ages, they keep us in mind of the mystery and beauty of love, at the same time as describing and untangling the everyday mess of actions and reactions that constitute the life of a couple. I was stimulated, amused and deeply moved by the compassion, commitment and humour of this book, such necessary ingredients for living an intimate relationship.
9 of 10 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
In my opinion this book should be studied by all people contemplating entering committed relationship. It is ESSENTIAL reading for those in partnership when the honeymoon ends - which inevitably it will.
11 of 13 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
I have to say I had nearly given up when I bought this book, but it reading it had a strong effect on me. But what really changed things was when my partner Paul had a look at it - probably he thought it was all about sex -and really got into it. Since then it feels we are both interested in making things work. I cannot recommend it strongly enough, it talks about very complicated things in an easy way and the stories are great.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
Essential reading, sensitively written
I very strongly recommened this book to all couples whether your are struggling with problems or just wanting to grow your relationship. Read more
Published 10 months ago by Tin Miner
Essential reading for everyone - not just those struggling with their...
I'm only partway through this book and I want to buy a copy for everyone I know. It's not just for those who are experiencing difficulties in their relationships - anyone would... Read more
Published on 31 May 2009 by Mazzerati
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