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The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert (Unabridged)
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The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert (Unabridged) [Audio Download]

by John M.; Nan Gottman; Silver (Author), John Allen Nelson (Narrator)
4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (28 customer reviews)
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Product details

  • Audio Download
  • Listening Length: 8 hours and 28 minutes
  • Program Type: Audiobook
  • Version: Unabridged
  • Publisher: Tantor Audio
  • Audible.co.uk Release Date: 28 Mar 2011
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B004U697XQ
  • Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (28 customer reviews)
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Product Description

Straightforward in its approach, yet profound in its effect, the principles outlined in this book teach partners new and startling strategies for making marriage work. Gottman has scientifically analyzed the habits of married couples and established a method of correcting the behavior that puts thousands of marriages on the rocks. He helps couples to focus on one another and pay attention to the small day-to-day moments that, strung together, make up the heart and soul of any relationship. Gottman has culled seven principles essential to the success of any marriage:

  • Maintain a love map
  • Foster fondness and admiration
  • Turn toward instead of away
  • Accept influence
  • Solve solvable conflicts
  • Cope with conflicts you can't resolve
  • Create shared meaning

Packed with questionnaires and exercises whose effectiveness has been proven in Dr. Gottman's workshops, this is the definitive guide for any couple who wants their relationship to realize its highest potential.

©1999 John Gottam, Ph.D. and Nan Silver; (P)2011 Tantor

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Customer Reviews

4.5 out of 5 stars
4.5 out of 5 stars
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
59 of 59 people found the following review helpful
By A Customer
The book is based upon scientific research, not oppinion. A VERY positive book. It gave us real hope. Not just another 'feel good' pop-psych book. It takes you inside the conflicts of real couples, and reveals the four marriage-killers, and the seven, very do-able skills to aquire to make a marriage work. I've read a lot of books trying to save my marriage. Some of them had some good things that truely helped. But it wasn't enough help. It never got to the root of the problem, and it left us both feeling like 'we have to completely change ourselves if we want to stay married'. Following the principles outlined in this book is FAR easier and FAR more effective than most other books I've read.
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26 of 27 people found the following review helpful
By A Customer
After watching marriage-advice books catalyze the destruction of my first marriage, I did not think I would find myself reading any more of these books soon. But I heard an interview with Dr Gottman on National Public Radio and I was so impressed that I ran out, bought the book and read it. The thing that makes the book so good is that it is based on rigorous, scientific research (you know, set up an experiment, collect data, look for patterns in the data without inserting your own preconceptions and report it). Although I found that most of Dr. Gottman's findings were not particularly surprising, I still found the book to be extremely useful because out of the many possible things a person could do to improve their marriage, this book tells you which ones really matter. The book also gave me a good sense of the problems that are encountered in happy marriages. For example, about 60% of the conflicts that happily married couples have are unresolvable (perpetual). This fact alone would have helped my first marriage a lot considering all the good will that we burned up trying to solve problems that were not solvable. Dr Gottman found that happy couples accept that these problems are unresolvable and can learn to live with them without damaging their relationship. As an analogy he points out that people with bad elbows can live very rich and rewarding lives as long as they don't make playing tennis a central part of their lives. In summary this is a great book that people who don't like marriage advice books can enjoy (as well as those who do).
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars The seven principles for making marriage work 10 Mar 2011
By deshee
This is an excellent book. Very well wtitten and very clearly explained. It outlines the fundamental differences in how males and females communicate which I found very helpful. Also , how to approach sensitive issues plenty of advice and examples on what to say, how to say and when not to say anything. Since, reading this book I am certainly communicating better with my husband and conflicts have decreased to almost nil which is super. Really liked it and if you are at the end of your tether and ready to just leave.. read this book. I am not saying it will heal your relationship , but, it will give you the tools to bring you to a place of peace and a better understanding of your spouse and yourself which i found very helpful in making the important decisions necessary in times of crisis. To stop the silly games . .and truly see your relationship for what it is and take ownership for your role in the dysfunction. I also, learned alot about myself and how I had fallen into every trap of bad communication there was so it really is excellent... Enjoy.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A lot of good ideas and observations 26 April 2012
By A.
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
John Gottman and Nan Silver offer many helpful ideas for improving the quality of relationships. They advise refraining form the four horsemen - criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling. They talk about the benefits of a soft start up - where you put your ideas into a kind, gentle form. Maybe if your partner hasn't said things in the best way then it helps to interpret what they said into what you consider would have been the best. Or just read them on an emotional level- they were angry about something. Pick out the ideas you think might work for you and ignore the rest.
Anyway I think this book is well worth reading. It could be given to every teenager in school as a good starting point for learning.
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13 of 15 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Practical and free of psychobabble 2 July 1999
By A Customer
I'm highly suspicious of self-help books as a genre, but this one really is good. I checked it out of the library initially, but will be purchasing it because it is so sensible, practical, and down-to-earth. There's no magic here; what Gottman points out seems like it should be obvious. Still, the obvious often eludes us, and this book provides some great ways of getting back in focus.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars The Seven Principles on Making a Marriage Work 11 Jun 2009
Very informative, helpful personally as well as professionally. Everyone could use this book if they are married or thinking of getting married. People spend more time on their car and their physique but not their marriage and fine tuning its engine.
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16 of 19 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent for any relationship 22 May 2003
By A Customer
Don't let the title fool you. There is good advice for any interpersonal relationship. I know this book has helped my current relationship and my relationship with my family. Definitely worth your time, energy and relationship.
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6 of 7 people found the following review helpful
By A Customer
This is one of the most useful and interactive books I have read in months. I read it twice: first just turning pages to do the true-false questionnaries to see how "strong" my marriage is and second to really read the book. I was struck by the combination of good insights for the "emotionally intelligent" couples to help make their marriages stronger and the straight-out advice for people who have shaky marriages or who quibble over many things (which for them are not insignificant). This is a must read for everyone who wants the most they can get out of, and put into, their relationship with their spouse as a partner, friend and lover. I suggest you skim this book and read the parts that apply to you. Chapters 8 and 10 are particularly good. Many of the problems described in THE SEVEN PRINCIPLES FOR MAKING MARRIAGE WORK are described as problems that interfere in all relationships in THE 2,000 PERCENT SOLUTION. That book describes the Tradition, Misconception and Communication Stalls that hinder questioning why the way we do things isn't good enough, understanding and trust. These elements are needed to move forward in whatever we do. Read that book too. Take the challenge to improve your marriage. Answer the questions and do the exercised. You will learn a lot about yourself and your spouse. My husband and I have already started.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars A well written book.
A very thought provoking read - very grounding. Could be used as a aid for pre-marriage. I really found it helpful
Published 1 month ago by Anon
5.0 out of 5 stars Awesome
This book is very helpful and clearly written. Based on scientific research it offers genuine advice and tools to personalize and evaluate your relationship. Read more
Published 7 months ago by Ana Bordei
4.0 out of 5 stars A very good read.
I brought this mainly out of interest, the reviews look good - so thought I'd give it a look. The case studies are across the board and when broken down, gives any reader, food... Read more
Published 8 months ago by Rena Barrington
5.0 out of 5 stars Relationship lifejacket
I wish I bought this book sooner. What an eye opener, I carefully read and remember the whole seven principles, looked back to previous relationships and realised why they... Read more
Published 8 months ago by NH
4.0 out of 5 stars A must for anyone who cannot see a way out of their marital problems
Very good book that compliments other aspects of how to be as a person in general. I would recommend this book to anyone who are having any kind of problem within their marriage,... Read more
Published 12 months ago by Mya shah
3.0 out of 5 stars Marriage needs friendship
Trying to take a different approach coming from years of research into what makes marriage work, Gottman does give helpful insights into the heart of marriage: it's friendship. Read more
Published 13 months ago by Amazon Customer
4.0 out of 5 stars Some Great Practical Exercises
This is a very easy book to read, with some good practical solutions for common marriage problems. It has some good exercises for you to do as a couple, helping you to re-focus... Read more
Published 22 months ago by Jenny Elliott
5.0 out of 5 stars Gold dust
Absolutely marvellous. A great book. To be read over and over!

I really mean that - its very densely packed with great ideas and it takes a while to absorb the lessons,... Read more
Published on 3 Nov 2011 by Peter W. Burden
3.0 out of 5 stars cognitive psych approach
Under the guise of scientific research, this book recommends that couples develop certain attitudes - cognitive styles - that will improve interactions. Read more
Published on 2 Sep 2011 by rob crawford
5.0 out of 5 stars great book
not good as "communication miracles for couples", depends really what you want or need, this is more general and i was trying to find something more specific, anyway nice book to... Read more
Published on 8 May 2011 by laurab
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