The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work
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Product Description
Amazon.co.uk Review
According to most relationship books, the key to a solid marriage is communication, communication, communication. Phooey, says John Gottman, PhD, author of the much-lauded Why Marriages Succeed or Fail. There's much more to a solid, "emotionally intelligent" marriage than sharing every feeling and thought, he points out--though most couples therapists ineffectively (and expensively) harp on these concepts.
Gottman, the director of the Gottman Institute, has found through studying hundreds of couples in his "love lab" that it only takes five minutes for him to predict--with 91 per cent accuracy--which couples will eventually divorce. He shares the four not-so-obvious signs of a troubled relationship that he looks for, using sometimes amusing passages from his sessions with married couples. (One standout is Rory, the paediatrician who didn't know the name of the family dog because he spent so much time at work.)
Gottman debunks many myths about divorce (primary among them that affairs are at the root of most splits). He also reveals surprising facts about couples who stay together. They do engage in screaming matches. And they certainly don't resolve every problem. "Take Allan and Betty", he writes. "When Allan gets annoyed at Betty, he turns on ESPN. When Betty is upset with him, she heads for the mall. Then they regroup and go on as if nothing's happened. Never in forty-five years of marriage have they sat down to have a 'dialogue' about their relationship." While this may sound like a couple in trouble, Gottman found that they pass the love-lab tests and say honestly that "they are both very satisfied with their relationship and they love each other deeply". Through a series of in-depth quizzes, checklists and exercises, similar to the ones he uses in his workshops, Gottman provides the framework for coping with differences and strengthening your marriage. His profiles of troubled couples rescued from the brink of divorce (including that of Rory, the out-of-touch doctor) and those of still-happy couples who reinvigorate their relationships are equally enlightening. --Erica Jorgensen --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
Book Description
The revolutionary guide to show couples how to create an emotionally intelligent relationship - and keep it on track
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Customer Reviews
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
47 of 47 people found the following review helpful
Format:Hardcover
The book is based upon scientific research, not oppinion. A VERY positive book. It gave us real hope. Not just another 'feel good' pop-psych book. It takes you inside the conflicts of real couples, and reveals the four marriage-killers, and the seven, very do-able skills to aquire to make a marriage work. I've read a lot of books trying to save my marriage. Some of them had some good things that truely helped. But it wasn't enough help. It never got to the root of the problem, and it left us both feeling like 'we have to completely change ourselves if we want to stay married'. Following the principles outlined in this book is FAR easier and FAR more effective than most other books I've read.
17 of 17 people found the following review helpful
Format:Hardcover
After watching marriage-advice books catalyze the destruction of my first marriage, I did not think I would find myself reading any more of these books soon. But I heard an interview with Dr Gottman on National Public Radio and I was so impressed that I ran out, bought the book and read it. The thing that makes the book so good is that it is based on rigorous, scientific research (you know, set up an experiment, collect data, look for patterns in the data without inserting your own preconceptions and report it). Although I found that most of Dr. Gottman's findings were not particularly surprising, I still found the book to be extremely useful because out of the many possible things a person could do to improve their marriage, this book tells you which ones really matter. The book also gave me a good sense of the problems that are encountered in happy marriages. For example, about 60% of the conflicts that happily married couples have are unresolvable (perpetual). This fact alone would have helped my first marriage a lot considering all the good will that we burned up trying to solve problems that were not solvable. Dr Gottman found that happy couples accept that these problems are unresolvable and can learn to live with them without damaging their relationship. As an analogy he points out that people with bad elbows can live very rich and rewarding lives as long as they don't make playing tennis a central part of their lives. In summary this is a great book that people who don't like marriage advice books can enjoy (as well as those who do).
11 of 11 people found the following review helpful
Format:Hardcover
I'm highly suspicious of self-help books as a genre, but this one really is good. I checked it out of the library initially, but will be purchasing it because it is so sensible, practical, and down-to-earth. There's no magic here; what Gottman points out seems like it should be obvious. Still, the obvious often eludes us, and this book provides some great ways of getting back in focus.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
A lot of good ideas and observations
John Gottman and Nan Silver offer many helpful ideas for improving the quality of relationships. They advise refraining form the four horsemen - criticism, contempt, defensiveness,... Read more
Published 1 month ago by A.
Gold dust
Absolutely marvellous. A great book. To be read over and over!
I really mean that - its very densely packed with great ideas and it takes a while to absorb the lessons,... Read more
I really mean that - its very densely packed with great ideas and it takes a while to absorb the lessons,... Read more
Published 6 months ago by Peter W. Burden
cognitive psych approach
Under the guise of scientific research, this book recommends that couples develop certain attitudes - cognitive styles - that will improve interactions. Read more
Published 9 months ago by rob crawford
great book
not good as "communication miracles for couples", depends really what you want or need, this is more general and i was trying to find something more specific, anyway nice book to... Read more
Published 12 months ago by laurab
The seven principles for making marriage work
This is an excellent book. Very well wtitten and very clearly explained. It outlines the fundamental differences in how males and females communicate which I found very helpful. Read more
Published 14 months ago by deshee
Excellent Relationship Building Techniques
I've never been married but a friend of mine recently announced he was getting divorced, so I thought I would find out more about the subject. Read more
Published on 11 Oct 2009 by William Cohen
Modernist marriage recipe
I bought this book on the strength of reviews here. Gottleman's approach is that he has studied marriage in laboratory conditions, and has come to some finite and definite... Read more
Published on 9 Aug 2009 by Hera de Olimpia
The Seven Principles on Making a Marriage Work
Very informative, helpful personally as well as professionally. Everyone could use this book if they are married or thinking of getting married. Read more
Published on 11 Jun 2009 by T. Foster
Not preachy, but thought provoking
I've read a lot of marriage books lately. This one is full of exercises to get you thinking about YOUR marriage and has no prescriptive advice. Read more
Published on 28 Mar 2009 by S. Davidson
nice work
this book is wonderful i think, even tho i am not married yet, d advice seems doable and str8 4ward. Read more
Published on 22 Jan 2009 by chi9ja
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