Secret Ceremonies: A Mormon Woman's Intimate Diary of Marriage and Beyond [Mass Market Paperback]

I connected on the temple stories. I would encourage anyone who is thinking about attending the temple to read her book, to realize that it's a subjective response to the temple, but also to understand that at least two people (and probably countless others, considering the book's success) did not find what we hoped for. She got ex-ed for writing about it, but you might want to take advantage of the "advanced preview" she has provided for you.

Even though I couldn't relate to much of Laake's biography, I was willing to accept her version of the facts. I wish she had explained her mental health issues better, because I think she left herself open to criticism that her experiences within the church were blown out of proportion. I connected when she described the odd preoccupation with sex that creates feelings of guilt and pleasure in the LDS person. Some people will feel she provided too much autobiographical information on sex, and I suspect that the people who wrote the negative reviews found this to be one of the big reasons they found her book offensive.

As I read the reviews here, it is astonishing to me is to see that some LDS critics of the book say that they didn't relate to her stories -- and what's more, *no active Mormon would*. How do they know what all active Mormons feel? Don't they see what a little cubbyhole they are trying to put Mormons in? Don't they see how their comment only validates Deborah's experience of feeling like she was a traitor for daring to question her beliefs? They feel better inside for denouncing the unfaithful author, but they unknowingly hurt their own cause with their closed-mindedness.

I agree with the comment that this is more of a biography than a non-fiction book on Mormonism. I also agree with the criticism that some stories have too much information, while others have so little info that I wasn't sure how they fit in. It is necessary to add the disclaimer that men also wear the temple garment and have the opportunity to doubt the inspired nature of the endowment, just like the women can. Doubts about the temple experience can arise just as strongly within the mind of an intellectual and/or feminist male.

Also, the book is a very fast read. I finished in one sitting.

My husband thought my own stories might be slightly exagerated, until we went to Utah for a wedding and he had difficulty finding a place where he could get a cup of coffee. We finally found a tiny coffee house, reminiscent of a prohibition-era "speak-easy," owned and patronized by the town's few defiant java-loving rebels. He was also amazed as we stood outside the temple, watching couples and families swarm in and out, "like a marriage assembly-line," as he put it.

In my opinion, the LDS "perfection is not only possible in this lifetime, but expected" doctrine, as well as the minute demands on every aspect of one's life, contributes to serious problems for a significant portion of its membership, particularly among those who are perceived as "different" in any way. this includes strong-willed women, who are seen by some LDS men as needing to be "broken".

In spite of these things, I don't generally reguard Mormons as "bad" people. Rather,(again, "in my opinion") many of them are caught up in thier doctrinal and cultural views to such a degree that they are incapable of understanding how insensitive, unreasonable and offensive their behavior can seem to "outsiders."

If you're a "recovering Mormon," you might find "Secret Ceremonies" worth reading, even healing. If you have little or no experience with the LDS church, it could provide an alternate, "unauthorized" glimpse into a very different American culture. If you're a practicing Mormon you'll likely only be upset by this book, so my advice would be to spare yourself the pain and anger.