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Scotland's Jesus: The Only Officially Non-racist Comedian [Hardcover]

Frankie Boyle
4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (72 customer reviews)
RRP: £20.00
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Book Description

24 Oct 2013

Reading Scotland's Jesus should be like being called into the living room by your child shouting that they see a little red dot on the head of a TV newscaster, then riding the white hot bullet through the propaganda circuitry of his or her exploding brain.

It's a funny book about the news, partly because it was decided that a pornographic book about Scottish Independence wouldn't really sell. In chapters ranging from International Politics to the Animal World, ‘Scotland's Jesus’ is allowed the opportunity to showcase his increasingly unsympathetic worldview and disintegrating psyche.

A torrent of jokes about recent events provide the framework for a broader philosophical despair. Frankie Boyle uses the stories of the popular press as a springboard to explain the nature of reality and the details of our enslavement to mirthless corporate Warlocks.


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Product details

  • Hardcover: 336 pages
  • Publisher: HarperCollins (24 Oct 2013)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0007426836
  • ISBN-13: 978-0007426836
  • Product Dimensions: 23.6 x 15.8 x 3.2 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (72 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 66,555 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Francis Martin Patrick 'Frankie' Boyle was born in Glasgow in 1972. Most recognised for this regular spot on BBC 2's Mock the Week, Frankie's cruel but perfectly constructed gags on politicians, celebrities and society as a whole have cemented his name in the world of comedy.

Product Description

About the Author

Frankie Boyle is a critically acclaimed comedian and bestselling author. His cruel but perfectly constructed nihilistic gags have made him widely feared and pitied.


Inside This Book (Learn More)
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Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
5 of 6 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Sweet majesty 30 Oct 2013
Format:Hardcover
Unbeatable spine-tingling, rip-roaring, blow-your-brains-out Gospel. Enthralling wonder-provoking, pleasure-evoking, dance-in-the-moonlight Truth. Ricocheting dunk-your-biscuit-in-your-tea-and-it-doesn't-crumble satisfaction, spellbinding honesty, relatable tragedy; a kilted jig.

All in all, utterly unfunny.
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4 of 5 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars A Cthulhulian Mystery - A Damn Good Read 30 Oct 2013
Format:Hardcover
Having read the first two books from Frankie, I was fearful that his third opus Scotland's Jesus would go the way of so many other threequels e.g. Matrix Revolutions, Rambo III, Prisoner of Azkaban and so on. Frankie's use of forbidden knowledge has seen him compared by people such as me to HP Lovecraft and categorically despised by the BBC and for no good reason. Frankie's curiosity to push the proverbial limits of comedy here has left him being "the Outsider', a Lovecraftian theme bestowed upon those who are not asked back to Mock the Week after carrying their show for seven years. Frankie manages to leave the reader with a notion of laughter and also sadness at how terrible and corrupt the world has become. Like Bill Hicks and George Carlin and even HP Lovecraft, we may not have seen the best of what Frankie has to offer yet and unlike everything else in pop culture, true comedic genius is achieved in the autumn years of his life, which this book may have caused this epoch to be in effect.
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4 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Strange 30 Oct 2013
Format:Hardcover
I read this book and immediately starting howling to the moon, and craving chocolate hobnobs. It does what it says on the tin
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28 of 36 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars It will never end 30 Oct 2013
By Arron
Format:Hardcover
I will admit that I was at first cautious of Boyle's latest release, as anyone who has read his previous works will be all too familiar with the creeping madness that boils within each pages ink. At first I thought that it would be a harmless endeavour, that maybe I could find some solace or even reason in Boyle's insane scribblings that could shed some light on the truth behind his despairingly critical outlook on our universe.

Never before has the truth cost me so much.

Upon first handling the book, I could feel something...wrong stirring behind its cover. Like the day before an illness takes grip of you, I felt light-headed, even nauseous to bear such a tome in my hands. It took a week before I could summon the courage to pry open the book and not fall prey to sickness created by Boyle's haunting stare. I wish I had never gone through with it.

I will admit, the courage gained through simply opening the book allowed a surge of adrenaline to rush through my veins, effectively hijacking my mortal senses and enhancing them so that my efforts to actually read the scriptures were successful. I was rewarded with several pages of vicious musings that resembled what most literary experts would call an "introduction", and a very funny one at that. Despite the raw cruelty behind some of his analogies, I felt a small ray of hope and wonder shine within me. But of course, such triumphs over the inter-dimensional are short lived and to grace the worlds of our cephalopod rulers is often paid with a heavy price.

The text of the book began to morph into otherworldly symbols soon becoming runes inked with the tears of the Myr-Dolphins of Xcylleptop XII, which danced and laughed and cried at my efforts to deduce their meaning.
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7 of 9 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars The detritus of the common man 4 Nov 2013
Format:Hardcover
I accidentally swallowed this book during a freak accident in a pub whilst doing that 'throw peanut mouth catching' that was common in the eighties. As my molars unknowingly masticated away at the dreaded pulp, I had an overwhelming feeling that I wanted to eat my own arms off. The words were absorbed into my gastrointestinal tract and made their way into my peripheral nerves and capillaries. As the cacophony of words cascaded across my retina I envisioned myself as the epicentre of the inevitable zombie apocalypse. I took myself off to the local multistory car park and ejected myself off the edge in one glorious head first leap in an attempt to halt the catastrophic event. A passing open top prison van full of mattresses and hay happened to be in my line of descent. I torpedoed to my untimely survival and as my digestive organs were catapulted into my hind brain, a local electro magnetic pulse was accidentally discharged into a hydrogen bomb which caused our sun to go supernova and ingest our solar system. Not before I was sucked into an orbiting black hole which divided my time to the Nth power, staining my tortured soul with the heathen words that my gut couldn't contain.
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7 of 9 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Heart of Pavlovian 31 Oct 2013
Format:Hardcover
The routines are very well put together exercise wise, but the cueing is a little strange. Frankie has to explain the best form for the exercises, which is excellent, but he doesn't count down the repetitions very well. After doing a couple of the routines, I realised that one of the ladies in his class counts down for him and the other people, but not for us viewers as you can hardly hear her, so it is best you count for yourself, the repetitions are usually about 8 times each. This to me is a failing, but one that can be forgiven, because the workouts are so good.

The routines are broken down as follows:

The warm up is 7 minutes long and gets you ready for the workouts to follow. It starts with slow basic exercises and then moves up a notch with little bit of cardio.

Operation Fat Attack is 13 minutes long. I would recommend you do this in conjunction with one of the other workouts, because this is the only cardio section on the whole book. I feel that it could have been a bit more high impact in places and a longer duration. There is a beginner option, but only one woman is doing this and instead of her being placed in the front by Frankie she is on the back row, which seems silly.

Hardcore Bootcamp is 22 minutes long. This is a full body workout working multiple body areas together, paying equal attention to legs, arms, waist and tummy. I particularly like the waist exercises in this one. The cueing count down is not very good here.

Total Body Drill is 22 minutes long. The first 10 minutes is for the upper body and a little leg (I made it higher impact) using weights and standing, which I found easy to do. The second 10 minutes is harder and works thighs, legs, has good waist moves and tummy and is done on the floor.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
love or hate him , you cant ignore Frankie. good read.
Published 5 days ago by mike
5.0 out of 5 stars Frankie Boyle has to one of the best comedians out there
Frankie Boyle has to one of the best comedians out there! Love him! Love the book - 100% outspoken,Frankie at his best.
Published 29 days ago by June
4.0 out of 5 stars Four Stars
Excellent
Published 1 month ago by m shaw
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
gift
Published 1 month ago by M
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
Hilarious! Just endless streams of jokes from celebrities to science.
Published 2 months ago by Ollie
5.0 out of 5 stars Frankie
what can i say a great comedian that says it as he sees it no holds barred on stage on shows and even in his book !!! a great read and loads of laughs all the way through !!
Published 4 months ago by Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars Sitting on offence
Would be better if he'd commit to an opinion and stop sitting on the fence all this procrastination to spare people's feelings....?
Published 4 months ago by Mr K G Monks
4.0 out of 5 stars It's Frankie
Let’s be honest, if you don't realise what this book is going to be like, then you've not been paying attention. This is Frankie Boyle being Frankie Boyle. Read more
Published 6 months ago by Colin Murtagh
1.0 out of 5 stars It's enough to put you off bread.
This is the worst toaster I've ever bought! Dyson should stick to vacuums, and the hand driers you find in bogs.
Published 7 months ago by Billy Book Spoiler72
5.0 out of 5 stars Absolutely filthy
One wonders what goes on in the Stygian blackness that exists between Boyle's ears. I imagine a roiling mass of fetid sexual flotsam - tossed by waves, fondled by the wind before... Read more
Published 7 months ago by Pa Broon
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