Relationship Rescue: Don't Make Excuses! Start Repairing Your Relationship Today [Paperback]

That said, I must admit to feeling a bit un-forewarned and blindsided when I came upon the segments of the book that focus on American Christian ideology, even including a segment on how one's personal relationship to God effects the relationship to one's partner, and what to do if one's personal relationship differs from one's partners. I did not expect such a particular religious perspective to pop up in what was otherwise an inclusive approach to a broad range of problems in people with a variety of lifestyles. An author putting forth his particular religious bent is not the same things as acknowledging that spiritual needs are part of a lot of peoples' lives and many couples need to address them. I think that Dr McGraw gets too far bogged down in that area towards the end of the book -- making me wonder if the latter advice is applicable or even helpful to people with no such particular religious or spiritual perspective.

Readers should know up fron that this segment is there.

Also, while it is very, very refreshing to say to someone that she should stop trying to fix everyone else and start with herself if you want to see resuts (he often assumes that the reader is a woman, since women are more prone to buying self-help books), it is also appropriate sometimes to know when things simply are not your fault, and that you cannot fix what isn't broken (such as verbal abuse in relationships is not the victim's fault, for instance, and it is not her/his job to fix the abuser). Dr McGraw's book is a bit weak on this aspect of difficult relationships -- he does make a nod to it now and again, but brushes over it quickly and doesn't really give it it's due attention.

In short, the first half of the book, with the questions he asks you to answer and the truths he asks you to face, is a a great resource. But towards the end, trust your judgement about how much of that particular world view you can take to heart.

It's too bad that most people will take on this book because they have a bad or failing relationship. It would be much better to start with this approach in the beginning. I hope marriage advisors, parents, living together couples, and engaged people will become familiar with this book and recommend it to others.

The book is extremely direct. The author makes it clear that you have to first change yourself before you can change you relationship.

The book is extremely well structured for easy use both as a book and as a workbook. It is divided into seven steps (define and diagnose where the relationship is now; get rid of your wrong thinking about relationships; find out what you are doing to hurt the relationships; internalize the values needed to build and maintain strong relationships; the necessary format for a strong relationship; and how to reconnect and manage the relationship).

Each section is filled with diagnostic questions for you and your partner to use, as well as directions for implementing what you learn.

The process involved is a good one. It begins with identifying stalled thinking, works on stallbusting that thinking, and then builds new habits that will work better.

The steps are extensive, but you can take them in bite-sized amounts. Before you are done, you will be sharing what you have done with your partner. I have to believe that anyone who was told that their partner had been working on these questions and exercises would be very impressed by the commitment to the relationship that this effort represented. It can help overcome a lot of thoughtlessness that may have preceded that sharing.

If your relationship is on the rocks, that idea of reconnecting can be scary. I was impressed to see that the book provides a 14 day program to help you with exercises that help reconnect you emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually. Most counselors would probably not give you this much guidance.

One of the finest things in life is to have a great relationship with other people. This book gives you the necessary background to move in that direction. The rest is up to you, as the author says. Give it a shot! You have a lot to gain!