- Paperback: 256 pages
- Publisher: Vermilion (18 May 1995)
- Language English
- ISBN-10: 0091790077
- ISBN-13: 978-0091790073
- Product Dimensions: 21.2 x 13.6 x 2.4 cm
- Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars See all reviews (6 customer reviews)
- Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 578,387 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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Product Description
Product Description
Most couples experience difficulties and moments of doubt. For some, the only solution is to separate - but many others want to rediscover what once brought them together, and to recommit to a relationship they both value. Relate's 50 years of counselling form the foundation of this book, helping readers to confront problems and to decide on the path they wish to take. Based on the work of many counsellors and their clients, the book helps you to: decide whether the relationship is worth saving; understand why things have gone wrong; build an action plan to turn your relationship around; decide whether or not you need counselling support; and build on the love that drew you together in the first place. The case histories, plus quizzes and questionaires, show how, despite problems and doubts, it is possible to save a threatened partnership - and to make it stronger than ever.
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
45 of 46 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
fighting to stay together,
By
This review is from: Relate Guide To Staying Together: From Crisis to Deeper Commitment (Paperback)
Susan Quilliam's book is vital to any couple who are, deep down, willing to work hard at saving their relationship. Quite rightly, there is no attempt by the author to mask the fact that there will be blood sweat and tears involved. Of course, sometimes a relationship can't be saved (while also it can be 'saved' for the wrong reasons), but where this book is the most effective is in its no-nonsense approach to breaching that chasm between the crisis and the deeper commitment of the title.
In co-operation with Relate, the invaluable family-orientated counselling organisation, Quilliam tackles a comprehensive number of possible crises experienced by couples and, most crucially of all, suggests a variety of possible reasons for the painful situation. Admittedly, many of the real reasons for a crisis (childhood trauma, deep-seated and mostly unconscious models of behaviour learned in early years) would be hard to uncover, analyse and resolve witout the aid of a trained counsellor and a long amount of time, but the book does offer some tips for couples to do their own therapy - whether it be taking time to talk, spending quality time together, or thinking about their personal needs. These tips are provided in the form of short quizes for both partners, exercises, tasks and surveys. The book is peppered with fascinating and often moving accounts of genuine couples who have visited Relate counsellors. These are not only interesting from a psychologically insightful point of view, but also they may be of aid to readers who will spot certain familiar patterns of behaviour within these case studies, and therefore possible reasons for the behaviour, and ways to resolve it. The book tackles sexual problems, communication issues and ways to assess and maintain a working relationship. However, what is paramount to remember once the book is read is the potential dangers (astutely pointed out by the author herself) of playing amateur-psychologist when trying to 'counsel' your own self or a partner. Such enterprises can genuinely do more harm than good. I would therefore suggest that this book be used in conjunction with couple or individual counselling, not as a substitute for it. Used well, this book is a well-written and practical aid to rebuilding a relationship worth rebuilding.
141 of 147 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
A good relationship saver - if your both committed to trying,
By A Customer
This review is from: Relate Guide To Staying Together: From Crisis to Deeper Commitment (Paperback)
A good barometer to how your relationship is going is to look at how your love life is now compared to when you first met? Acknowledging any relationship problem is the biggest step. This book will help you to look at problems and take stock of them. If you are committed to trying to make your relationship work this book will help by looking at the past to identify roots of problems and then gives good advice on how to handle change and how to communicate with your partner for both now and the future. I found this book to be a great reference and guide at a difficult time, however some of the exercises are based on you communicating reasonably well with your partner, you may be better to do these under the saftey net of counselling.
13 of 13 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Genuinely practical and helpful,
By
This review is from: Relate Guide To Staying Together: From Crisis to Deeper Commitment (Paperback)
This is a helpful and practical guide for couples in crisis, which, as Quilliam herself points out, is most likely ot be helpful in conjunction with, not instead of, Relate counselling.
The book moves through four clear sections from the initial recognition of problems, to an understanding of their causes, through a phase of change, to eventually maintaining the progress you have made in the relationship for the years to come. Case histories of real couples, tasks, talking points and quizzes help you to practically implement the book's advice in your relationship as you go along. This book may be really useful both for individuals in a troubled relationship or for couples working together, as it explores past influences from life before the relationship, whihc may be affecting what is going on without you even realising it. In addition, most of the exercises are set out in order to be accessible either to individuals or to couples doing them together. In this regard the book is very flexible and user friendly - it does not just apply to one specific type of reader. A particularly useful aspect of this book is Quilliam's insight into the flawed reality of everyday life. She frequently mentions reasons why particular exercises might not be useful at a certain time, and points out moments when doubts may start to creep back into the relationship even after a period of progress, so the book doesn't feel like a preachy manual and you don't feel like a failure if something doesn't work or you slip back a few chapters. Most helpfully in this vein, it offers a superb final section on how to maintain your improved relationship once you have successfully worked through your problems, including tips on how to cope with setbacks and life changes, so that unlike some relationship books which feel like sticking plasters, only temporarily concealing problems and not healing them, the lifeline continues long after the book has been read.
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