Packed with relationship advice from Relate, the marriage guidance experts, Staying Together offers guidelines to help couples survive and grow through their relationship problems so that they need not separate and may maintain their commitment to each other. Case histories, quizzes and questionnaires show how this is possible and even how to make a partnership stronger. The book covers how to: --confront difficulties --understand your partner --re-negotiate an improved relationship --develop skills to make improvements last --assess when problems first appeared and how they developed --face changes --communicate and meet a partner's needs --create good times --build on commitment and happiness. (20000913)
Relate Guide To Staying Together
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the only relationship book you'll ever need (The Times 20040723)
Book Description
A self-help book for couples who want to overcome their relationship problems and remain together, from the Relate relationship experts. (20000913)
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
50 of 51 people found the following review helpful
By C. Button
Format:Paperback
Susan Quilliam's book is vital to any couple who are, deep down, willing to work hard at saving their relationship. Quite rightly, there is no attempt by the author to mask the fact that there will be blood sweat and tears involved. Of course, sometimes a relationship can't be saved (while also it can be 'saved' for the wrong reasons), but where this book is the most effective is in its no-nonsense approach to breaching that chasm between the crisis and the deeper commitment of the title.
In co-operation with Relate, the invaluable family-orientated counselling organisation, Quilliam tackles a comprehensive number of possible crises experienced by couples and, most crucially of all, suggests a variety of possible reasons for the painful situation. Admittedly, many of the real reasons for a crisis (childhood trauma, deep-seated and mostly unconscious models of behaviour learned in early years) would be hard to uncover, analyse and resolve witout the aid of a trained counsellor and a long amount of time, but the book does offer some tips for couples to do their own therapy - whether it be taking time to talk, spending quality time together, or thinking about their personal needs. These tips are provided in the form of short quizes for both partners, exercises, tasks and surveys.
The book is peppered with fascinating and often moving accounts of genuine couples who have visited Relate counsellors. These are not only interesting from a psychologically insightful point of view, but also they may be of aid to readers who will spot certain familiar patterns of behaviour within these case studies, and therefore possible reasons for the behaviour, and ways to resolve it.
The book tackles sexual problems, communication issues and ways to assess and maintain a working relationship. However, what is paramount to remember once the book is read is the potential dangers (astutely pointed out by the author herself) of playing amateur-psychologist when trying to 'counsel' your own self or a partner. Such enterprises can genuinely do more harm than good. I would therefore suggest that this book be used in conjunction with couple or individual counselling, not as a substitute for it.
Used well, this book is a well-written and practical aid to rebuilding a relationship worth rebuilding.
In co-operation with Relate, the invaluable family-orientated counselling organisation, Quilliam tackles a comprehensive number of possible crises experienced by couples and, most crucially of all, suggests a variety of possible reasons for the painful situation. Admittedly, many of the real reasons for a crisis (childhood trauma, deep-seated and mostly unconscious models of behaviour learned in early years) would be hard to uncover, analyse and resolve witout the aid of a trained counsellor and a long amount of time, but the book does offer some tips for couples to do their own therapy - whether it be taking time to talk, spending quality time together, or thinking about their personal needs. These tips are provided in the form of short quizes for both partners, exercises, tasks and surveys.
The book is peppered with fascinating and often moving accounts of genuine couples who have visited Relate counsellors. These are not only interesting from a psychologically insightful point of view, but also they may be of aid to readers who will spot certain familiar patterns of behaviour within these case studies, and therefore possible reasons for the behaviour, and ways to resolve it.
The book tackles sexual problems, communication issues and ways to assess and maintain a working relationship. However, what is paramount to remember once the book is read is the potential dangers (astutely pointed out by the author herself) of playing amateur-psychologist when trying to 'counsel' your own self or a partner. Such enterprises can genuinely do more harm than good. I would therefore suggest that this book be used in conjunction with couple or individual counselling, not as a substitute for it.
Used well, this book is a well-written and practical aid to rebuilding a relationship worth rebuilding.
144 of 151 people found the following review helpful
By A Customer
Format:Paperback
A good barometer to how your relationship is going is to look at how your love life is now compared to when you first met? Acknowledging any relationship problem is the biggest step. This book will help you to look at problems and take stock of them. If you are committed to trying to make your relationship work this book will help by looking at the past to identify roots of problems and then gives good advice on how to handle change and how to communicate with your partner for both now and the future. I found this book to be a great reference and guide at a difficult time, however some of the exercises are based on you communicating reasonably well with your partner, you may be better to do these under the saftey net of counselling.
19 of 20 people found the following review helpful
By L. Bates
Format:Paperback
This is a helpful and practical guide for couples in crisis, which, as Quilliam herself points out, is most likely ot be helpful in conjunction with, not instead of, Relate counselling.
The book moves through four clear sections from the initial recognition of problems, to an understanding of their causes, through a phase of change, to eventually maintaining the progress you have made in the relationship for the years to come.
Case histories of real couples, tasks, talking points and quizzes help you to practically implement the book's advice in your relationship as you go along. This book may be really useful both for individuals in a troubled relationship or for couples working together, as it explores past influences from life before the relationship, whihc may be affecting what is going on without you even realising it. In addition, most of the exercises are set out in order to be accessible either to individuals or to couples doing them together. In this regard the book is very flexible and user friendly - it does not just apply to one specific type of reader.
A particularly useful aspect of this book is Quilliam's insight into the flawed reality of everyday life. She frequently mentions reasons why particular exercises might not be useful at a certain time, and points out moments when doubts may start to creep back into the relationship even after a period of progress, so the book doesn't feel like a preachy manual and you don't feel like a failure if something doesn't work or you slip back a few chapters. Most helpfully in this vein, it offers a superb final section on how to maintain your improved relationship once you have successfully worked through your problems, including tips on how to cope with setbacks and life changes, so that unlike some relationship books which feel like sticking plasters, only temporarily concealing problems and not healing them, the lifeline continues long after the book has been read.
The book moves through four clear sections from the initial recognition of problems, to an understanding of their causes, through a phase of change, to eventually maintaining the progress you have made in the relationship for the years to come.
Case histories of real couples, tasks, talking points and quizzes help you to practically implement the book's advice in your relationship as you go along. This book may be really useful both for individuals in a troubled relationship or for couples working together, as it explores past influences from life before the relationship, whihc may be affecting what is going on without you even realising it. In addition, most of the exercises are set out in order to be accessible either to individuals or to couples doing them together. In this regard the book is very flexible and user friendly - it does not just apply to one specific type of reader.
A particularly useful aspect of this book is Quilliam's insight into the flawed reality of everyday life. She frequently mentions reasons why particular exercises might not be useful at a certain time, and points out moments when doubts may start to creep back into the relationship even after a period of progress, so the book doesn't feel like a preachy manual and you don't feel like a failure if something doesn't work or you slip back a few chapters. Most helpfully in this vein, it offers a superb final section on how to maintain your improved relationship once you have successfully worked through your problems, including tips on how to cope with setbacks and life changes, so that unlike some relationship books which feel like sticking plasters, only temporarily concealing problems and not healing them, the lifeline continues long after the book has been read.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars
Wonderful Insight into balanced communication
I bought this book after some recurring problems in my relationship.
The book is very informative, written almost like you are in a counseling session yourself. Read more
The book is very informative, written almost like you are in a counseling session yourself. Read more
Published 5 months ago by S H
5.0 out of 5 stars
Good book
Really easy to read and helped clarify why we act as we do to certain situations within a relationship. Delivery was very fast and the book was in good condition
Published 6 months ago by Paula J Chapman
4.0 out of 5 stars
Really helped me!!!
It might be because this is the first relationship guide book I have read, but I found it a really good eye opener in to relationships, so if you and your partner are having... Read more
Published 16 months ago by kerker
5.0 out of 5 stars
Really interesting and useful
Good advice for relationships in general (even non-romantic ones), not just those going through problems. The focus on good communication has worked especially well for me.
Published on 14 Sep 2008 by Regular Amazon shopper
1.0 out of 5 stars
I prefer to look for solutions
This book is all very worthy and sensible from a psychological perspective. However, I found it to be no help whatsoever. In fact, I found that it actually made matters worse. Read more
Published on 9 Jun 2005
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