Since its original publication in 1989, Refusing to be a Man has been acclaimed as a classic and widely cited in gender studies literature. In 13 eloquent essays, Stoltenberg articulates the first fully argued liberation theory for men that will also liberate women. He argues that male sexual identity is entirely a political and ethical construction whose advantages grow out of injustice. His thesis is, however, ultimately one of hope - that precisely because masculinity is so constructed, it is possible to refuse it, to act against it and to change. A new introduction by the author discusses the roots of his work in the American civil rights and radical feminist movements and distinguishes it from the anti-feminist philosophies underlying the recent tide of reactionary mens movements.
Refusing to be a Man: Essays on Social Justice
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This book was forged in the heat of radical feminism, a current of political analysis and activism first sparked in the United States in the late 1960s and 1970s. Read the first page
Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt
This book was forged in the heat of radical feminism, a current of political analysis and activism first sparked in the United States in the late 1960s and 1970s. Read the first page
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Customer Reviews
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
8 of 8 people found the following review helpful
By A Customer
Format:Paperback
John Stoltenberg is a brave man. He shines a light into the murky waters of mens' unconscious fears and desires exposing the fragility of masculinity and the injustice that underpins it.
There is a black and white argument to this book which will discomfort many men; but I believe there are some fundamental truths, many of which form so much part of the fabric of our society, we can no longer see them critically.
There is a black and white argument to this book which will discomfort many men; but I believe there are some fundamental truths, many of which form so much part of the fabric of our society, we can no longer see them critically.
I don't believe Stoltenberg is trying to deny or repress sexuality, quite the reverse, he is trying to expose the ways in which it is only mens' view of sexuality that is expressed through pornography and the media, and he is critical of it. For it depicts a type of sexuality which is about domination and subordination and does not uphold any principles of justice or ethics; ' It is now assumed that by giving eroticised domination and subordination free expression, is the fullest flowering of sexual freedom'.
Why should this be?
If you are of the persuasion that men are 'naturally' this way, then you will despise this book.
But if you believe that sexuality is malleable and more on a spectrum, then you will take this book for what it is; an opportunity for men to critically look at their role in propagating a type of sexual injustice that objectifies and demeans women whilst stereotyping and patronising men.
This book is NOT about demonising men, this book is about highlighting, debating and freeing us from the above.
It is above all about the potential to change an outmoded, unjust, narrow, depressing and frankly dysfunctional perspective of sexuality, which does little to foster positive and healthy sexual attitudes between the sexes- if of course that should be of any interest to men.
Most Helpful Customer Reviews on Amazon.com (beta)
Amazon.com:
3.8 out of 5 stars
13 reviews
63 of 83 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars
This book changed my life!
21 Oct 1998
By A Customer
- Published on Amazon.com
Format:Mass Market Paperback
I read Stoltenberg's book the same year I read Robert Bly's "Iron Yawn" (oops! I meant "Iron John"!) and frankly, I was shocked. Bly's book offended me by offering no real solutions to anything, whereas Stoltenberg not only provided creative and profound insights into the problem of gender ideology, he actually recognized and identified the real problem for what it is, something Bly seems incapable of doing. I was surprised, upon reading this book and seeing how strongly it resonated with my own experiences, to discover that I've been a "radical feminist" all my life. Like most men, I had used the "radical" label to demonize a straw man (or should that be "straw woman"?) version of feminism that no one anywhere actually espouses. It took reading this book for me to understand that I've been one of the radicals all along, and furthermore, that I shouldn't be ashamed of it. Stoltenberg's insightful, and often delightful, commentary on the idea of manhood and the social injustice required to meaningfully maintain it, forever altered my perceptions of the world around me. Goddess (or whoever) bless Stoltenberg! Find this book and read it as if your life depended on it, because it probably does.
19 of 28 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars
Brave and Refreshing
12 Mar 2006
By bluetango22
- Published on Amazon.com
Format:Paperback
John Stoltenberg is a brave man. He shines a light into the murky waters of mens' unconscious fears and desires exposing the fragility of masculinity and the injustice that underpins it.
There is a black and white argument to this book which will discomfort many men; but I believe there are some fundamental truths, many of which form so much part of the fabric of our society, we can no longer see them critically.
At least (most) men.
I don't believe Stoltenberg is trying to deny or repress sexuality, quite the reverse, he is trying to expose the ways in which it is only mens' view of sexuality that is expressed through pornography and the media, and he is critical of it.
For it depicts a type of sexuality which is about domination and subordination and does not uphold any principles of justice or ethics;
'It is now assumed that by giving eroticised domination and subordination free expression, is the fullest flowering of sexual freedom'. Why should this be the norm?
If you are of the persuasion that men are 'naturally' this way, then you will despise this book.
But if you believe that sexuality is more of a spectrum, then you will take this book for what it is; an opportunity for men to critically look at their role in propagating a type of sexual injustice that objectifies and demeans women whilst stereotyping and patronising men.
This book is NOT about demonising men, this book is about highlighting, debating and freeing us from the above.
It is above all about the potential to change an outmoded, unjust, narrow and frankly dysfunctional perspective of sexuality, which does little to foster positive and healthy sexual attitudes between the sexes- if of course that should be of any interest to men!
There is a black and white argument to this book which will discomfort many men; but I believe there are some fundamental truths, many of which form so much part of the fabric of our society, we can no longer see them critically.
At least (most) men.
I don't believe Stoltenberg is trying to deny or repress sexuality, quite the reverse, he is trying to expose the ways in which it is only mens' view of sexuality that is expressed through pornography and the media, and he is critical of it.
For it depicts a type of sexuality which is about domination and subordination and does not uphold any principles of justice or ethics;
'It is now assumed that by giving eroticised domination and subordination free expression, is the fullest flowering of sexual freedom'. Why should this be the norm?
If you are of the persuasion that men are 'naturally' this way, then you will despise this book.
But if you believe that sexuality is more of a spectrum, then you will take this book for what it is; an opportunity for men to critically look at their role in propagating a type of sexual injustice that objectifies and demeans women whilst stereotyping and patronising men.
This book is NOT about demonising men, this book is about highlighting, debating and freeing us from the above.
It is above all about the potential to change an outmoded, unjust, narrow and frankly dysfunctional perspective of sexuality, which does little to foster positive and healthy sexual attitudes between the sexes- if of course that should be of any interest to men!
22 of 33 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars
Very inspiring to read of a man doing critical gender work!
31 Aug 1998
By A Customer
- Published on Amazon.com
Format:Mass Market Paperback
This is excellent and critical analysis in gender studies and the only disappointing thing is that it was written over ten years ago but couldn't be more appropriate to current circumstances for women and men still today. I am so inspired and reheartened to read of a man doing such critical and crucial work in gender analysis. Too often it seems that women are doing the gender work, and when men are coming onto the scene it is in the form of movements and justifications which so offensively act to effectively maintain the power men have in a patriarchal world! Seldom have I come across a man publicising ideas which do actually serve to work with those ideas which promote the empowerment of women. The Lion must learn to eat straw like the Ox, not force the Ox to eat meat like the Lion. Equality is only achieved through the process whereby the ones who stand to lose: the abusers or perpetrators in a system of injustice, are actually prepared to lose - in order to gain. And this is what John Stoltenberg is doing and trying to explain to others in this book. A must read for everyone, most importantly for men engaging in movements in sexual politics for the equality of people on the basis of gender.
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3.8 out of 5 stars
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