Red Tears [Paperback]

I open the box

Inside it is softness and steel. Tissues and blades

Emily Bowyer is a normal, confident teenager - lots of friends, loving family and a good student. But beneath the surface she has a wretched secret.

Because, for Emily, life isn't as much fun as it would appear. Her friends are going off her and her parents only seem to care about her troubled brother. Plus, she's expected to complete hours of homework, to excel in her exams, to be the perfect student.

Tension, pressure, anxiety, anger and self-hatred. Where does it go when no one will listen? Emily has found a way to let it all out, a way to cope when life is overwhelming. But it is private. No one must ever find out . . .

RED TEARS is a shocking, extremely well-researched novel about a girl who self-harms. It offers a bold and candid look at a phenomenon that afflicts thousands of Britain's teenagers.

* RED TEARS is the first British YA novel that focuses solely on this phenomenon

* More than 24,000 teenagers are admitted to hospital each year in the UK after deliberately hurting themselves. Recent research suggests that one in ten teenagers self-harm - so statistically every teacher has one or two self-harmers in their classroom at any time.

*A Child Line study from the period April 2002 to March 2003 revealed that most callers (70%) were aged between 12 and 15. For almost half (46%) self-harm was an ongoing problem. 12% had been deliberately hurting themselves for five years or more.

Firstly, I wanted to understand more about the self-harming 'phenomenon'
myself. I have never self-harmed, and I wanted to be able to understand why
so many people were resorting to such a destructive coping method.

Secondly, I was hoping that any self-harmers who read my book would realise
that there is hope - there is a way out. It doesn't have to be this way
forever.

Thirdly, I also hoped that non self-harmers would find this book useful in
helping them talk to friends or relatives who self-harm. Teachers too,
maybe, who deal with self-harmers more and more frequently, and who often
don't have enough knowledge on the subject.
detail why I wrote Emily's story. You can also send me messages through the
site.

I open the box.
Inside it is softness and steel. Tissues and blades.
I carefully remove a blade and lay it to one side. Then I take out six
tissues and place them by my arm, ready.
I stretch out my left arm, examining it for a spare patch of skin. A patch
not already marked by scars.
Then I pick up the blade.
In this moment, I am calm. I know what to do. The overwhelming feelings are
suspended.
I draw the blade across my arm. Blood springs to the surface.
I sit back, watching the blood run down my arm before reaching for the
tissues to prevent the blood from staining my clothes.
I dab at the wound, tenderly, caringly.
I feel so much better.

I know that tomorrow I will feel stupid again. I will look at my arm and
feel so disappointed in myself. I have let everyone down again.

I don't do this because I like it.
I do it because I don't know what else to do.