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Red Flags of Love Fraud - 10 signs you're dating a sociopath [Kindle Edition]

Donna Andersen
5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (4 customer reviews)

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Book Description

You’ve met someone new—someone charming, charismatic and sexy, who has so much in common with you! Oh, sometimes the story doesn’t quite add up, and you feel a little rushed, but this person is head over heels in love with you! Calling all the time! Sending texts and emails! Already talking about forever!

Is it love—or predation? "Red Flags of Love Fraud — 10 signs you’re dating a sociopath," has the answers.

The author is Donna Andersen, who is also author of Andersen coined the term “love fraud,” and defines it as “the intentional exploitation of an individual through manipulating emotions in a personal relationship.” The people who engage in love fraud, she says, are sociopaths.

No, a sociopath is not always a deranged serial killer—that’s media hype. These people are social predators, who live their lives by exploiting others. Three million to 12 million sociopaths live among us in America. Most are not in jail—they roam freely through all segments of society. They like company, and they really like sex, so sociopaths are always on the hunt for a hookup.

This book explains how sociopaths target and pursue romantic relationships, which are inevitably exploitative relationships. The information is based on more than 2,800 cases that Andersen has collected through, and on the results of two Internet surveys completed by Lovefraud readers who loved and lived with these human predators.

• The top 10 signs of sociopathic suitors (Number One: charisma and charm)
• Why anyone is vulnerable—especially powerful women
• The dangers of online dating
• Why there’s no such thing as “just sex”
• Three steps everyone can take to protect themselves from love fraud

For the first time, "Red Flags of Love Fraud" explains how sociopaths seduce their targets, what makes people vulnerable, and how to avoid these human predators. It’s a must-read book for anyone who is looking for a partner—and anyone who is mystified by the partner they have.

Product details

  • Format: Kindle Edition
  • File Size: 473 KB
  • Print Length: 246 pages
  • Publisher: Anderly Publishing; 1 edition (5 Jun. 2012)
  • Sold by: Amazon Media EU S.à r.l.
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B0089E130U
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Enabled
  • Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (4 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #209,516 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Essential reading! 5 Jun. 2013
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
A very easy to read guide. Very informative and oh so true! Yes, it's American but American sociopaths have the same traits as British ones!
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5 of 6 people found the following review helpful
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
I think this book is a "must read" for everyone in our society who has been hurt, puzzled, incredulous or even damaged profoundly by encountering the dark side of a supposedly "nice person" they know and may have trusted and may have even loved. These discoveries can be devastating.

Those among us who are sociopaths have made a lifetime's work of appearing to the world the way they want to be seen, and copying the genuine emotions of others in order to pretend they share them. But they do NOT. Their only concern is themselves.

This book deals with Love Fraud from these people, but they can be your friend at school, your workmate, a relative or a neighbour. They do not have to share your most intimate life. But you may have shared your secrets, hopes and dreams with them, and knowing how they operate will help you cope when the inevitable clearing up of broken crockery begins.

What I want to know is, what do the mothers of these damaged individuals contribute towards the way they turn out? What do we mothers have to learn from the awful results of getting it wrong? Researchers - get to it please!
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars beware they're everywhere 14 Jan. 2013
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
found this good and informative in an easier ay to understand than others. I have been researching this topic for some time and this précised it all very well.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars 28 Feb. 2015
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
Read it and be warned!
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews on (beta) 4.5 out of 5 stars  59 reviews
47 of 49 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Information and Insight about Dangerous Sociopaths 2 April 2012
By Claudia Moscovici - Published on
Donna Andersen, the author of Love Fraud the book and the website/support group, has recently published a new book, called Red Flags of Love Fraud: Ten Signs You're Dating a Sociopath, which I'd highly recommend for anyone who suspects (or knows) they are with a pathological individual. Psychopaths are extremely dangerous because they lack a heart and conscience but they camouflage that fundamental lack so well. They construct a "mask of sanity" by lying to others and hiding their real motives and identities. With their extraordinary glibness and charm, they come on strong to their potential victims, love bombing them, flattering them, mirroring their interests and personalities--essentially, seducing them--then use them for their selfish and malicious purposes. Since they can't bond emotionally with others and have no conscience, there's no limit to the devastation they can cause in people's lives. Experts estimate that between 1 and 4 percent of the population is psychopathic. Since psychopaths are very sociable and promiscuous, this means that millions of psychopaths in this country alone adversely affect hundreds of millions of lives.

As its title suggests, Red Flags of Love Fraud teaches victims and the general public how to recognize the red flags of the psychopathic bond--which are far from obvious in the beginning. This book draws upon Donna's own personal experience (she was married for several years to a psychopathic conman and bigamist named James Montgomery); testimonials and research from readers (conducted with her lovefraud partner, Dr. Liane Leedom), and--last but not least--a lot of her own analyses of psychopathic behavior and insights about the mindset of victims.

Most books about psychopathy focus primarily on explaining what this personality disorder is, the list of symptoms of the psychopath, and persuading readers why it's very important to get away from such pathological individuals and establish no contact. This information is essential to what I'd call the first phase of escaping the psychopathic bond: realizing you've been conned, emotionally and/or financially, by a dangerous social predator and understanding his pathology. Donna's book does this as well, with characteristic clarity and conciseness. She also includes anecdotes by victims telling their life experiences which make her book that much more interesting and offer concrete examples that readers can relate to.

But as a professional writer myself, I'd say that the most distinctive feature of Red Flags of Love Fraud is the quality of the writing, both in content and form. Donna's writing is well-documented and informed, engaging and psychologically insightful. Insight is when a writer manages to probe deep within, to explain analytically what may be only a vague intuition in the minds of readers. Good writing encourages readers to explore their psyches, motivations and lives. Insight and introspection are especially important for victims of psychopaths.

It's not enough to identify the traits of psychopaths and see how they behave and how they manage to manipulate and use us. Victims must also be able to look within in order to recognize some of the qualities and patterns of behavior that left them vulnerable to psychopathic seduction in the first place, so that it won't happen again. This process isn't about assuming responsibility for all the evil things the psychopaths did, which are unjustifiable and inexcusable. It's about owning our power of discretion and choice in the future in seeing that, at least to some extent, we also had it in the past. There were red flags in the relationship early on that we chose to minimize or ignore. This book urges us to explore the reasons why we did that.

To offer an important example, one of the most common way psychopaths initially lure victims, Donna explains, is by a combination of 1) love bombing and flattery; 2) persistence, and 3) mirroring our identities and values, to reveal (a false) sense of compatibility. Love bombing is a process commonly used by cults, such as the Moonies, in the initial phases of attracting new members. It's highly effective for cults--that are often run by psychopathic leaders--and it works just as well for individual psychopathic seducers.

Donna not only explains each strategy used by the psychopath, but also insightfully analyzes the reasons behind victim response. Love bombing is effective because unless you're very famous, rich or some kind of celebrity, this kind of over-the-top attention is very rare. Few people are likely to tell you you're the smartest, most attractive, most accomplished person in the world: first of all because you're not; secondly because it's rare to encounter another human being who appreciates you so completely. During the luring or idealization phase, therefore, psychopaths often set themselves apart from other people you've dated or befriended through a wooing and romancing that borders on worship.

They are also highly persistent, sometimes persevering for years until they catch and hook you emotionally. Only once you're emotionally invested in them they gradually--or, in some cases, abruptly--drop the pretense of love and begin the devaluation and abuse. Persistence pays off, Donna elaborates, because people tend to associate it with love and commitment. If someone persists in proclaiming their love and pursuing us for month after month, or sometimes even year after year, we're likely to believe that it's because they truly care about us. Why else would anyone waste so much energy on a romantic pursuit? As far as psychopaths are concerned, the answer, unfortunately, is because they want power and control.

Psychopaths engage in a game-like hunt or pursuit of the individuals they momentarily desire, hyperfocusing on them like predators upon their prey. That's also why they commonly engage in cyberstalking and stalking, both before and after a relationship is over. Sometimes, the more you evade their grasp, the more interesting the hunt becomes for them. But they never pursue victims because they love or care about them. Their persistence is about the pleasure of the hunt, to possess, consume and destroy their prey.

When you examine, as this book does, both the psychopath's behavior and the predispositions and vulnerabilities that led you into this dangerous game, you are more likely not only to recognize the red flags of pathological relationships, but also the qualities that predisposed you to ignore them. Knowledge is a process of acquiring accurate information and processing it with insight. Red Flags of Love Fraud offers both information and insight. It is essential reading for anyone who wants to learn how to identify the danger signs in others as well as to confront the vulnerabilities within.

Claudia Moscovici, psychopathyawareness
27 of 29 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Best book out there that explains sociopathic relationships 29 Jun. 2012
By abbri - Published on
I was in a 6-year relationship with a guy who alternately told me I was his "soulmate" almost daily; then cheated on me; then treated me like a goddess; then flew into rages and called me the "c" word, among others, whenever I disagreed with or displeased him; then had SO MUCH FUN with him because he is charming, outgoing, and everyone loves him; then caught him in ANOTHER lie and found out about yet another woman he was cheating on me with; then believed the ridiculous lie he told when he said he wasn't cheating; then snuggled with him in front of the TV until he got bored (which was often); then did something risky with him because he was impulsive and easily bored; then heard him backstab yet another "friend", and on and on.

I finally googled "sociopathic relationships" because I'd come to realize he was a sociopath but didn't understand much more than that. Come to find out, through the author's site "", that all sociopaths behave about the same in relationships, with some minor deviations, and I just realized I was a victim of a sociopath.

After that, I read as many books on the subject I could find but, when Donna's book came out, I ordered it and found it to be the best, BY FAR, of all the books out there concerning loving, surviving, escaping and, finally, healing from a sociopath. If I had read hers first I would have known EXACTLY what I was dealing with much earlier because it lays out, concisely and with multitudes of real-world examples, exactly how a sociopath operates in a romantic relationship.

If any of the behaviors I outlined in the first paragraph sound familiar, please do yourself a favor and buy this book! If I had known 6 years ago what I know now, I would have not lost my house, 2 jobs, many friends and, almost, my sanity, all attributable to my sociopathic ex-boyfriend, who is now living with another woman and, I'm sure, making her life miserable as well while she is wondering just what the hell is going on. Maybe she'll read this before it's too late and won't end up on anti-anxiety and anti-depressant meds like I am on now. BTW, I was happy, successful, and confident before he charmed his way into my life. Now I'm a shadow of that person but am getting stronger every day, thanks to and "Red Flags of Lovefraud".
21 of 22 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Wide Awake 17 Aug. 2012
By Book Worm - Published on
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
This book was extremely eye-opening. I found out recently that I was married to a sociopath for nearly 5 years. I divorced him a year ago, but I am still finding out stuff about him and I'm not even soliciting this information! This book was frighteningly accurate. No, my ex-husband did not exhibit all 10 red flags. Nor was he physically abusive towards me, though I found out he has been towards other women in the past. But it was shocking how much he fit the "profile," as he exhibited most signs of sociopathy. Reading this book was in some ways very hard for me, but it was also very healing. Now I feel like I have a sense of closure with that relationship because I understand things. Also, I have been very fearful about dating and ending up with someone else just like him. After reading this, I feel a little more confident. I will never again be able to miss the signs of a sociopath - even if I wanted to! I'm intimately familiar. Plus, reading all the excerpts from other women's letters made me feel better; at least I'm not the only one. And I see now how much worse my situation could have been!
10 of 11 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Absolute must read for anyone dating 5 Sept. 2012
By katmiller - Published on
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
I think this is a "must read" book. It was very informative. Almost like a friend. I felt like I was reading my own (unfortunate) story sometimes. Had I read this book when it first came out it would have saved me a lot of heartache. About 4 years worth. Donna sums things up so well that you will have many Ah Ha moments. All of the signs of the sociopath I was with are in the book. Even the "quirky" things that I couldn't figure out. But they all spelled sociopath. Again, for anyone dating or thinking about dating this is a must read since statistically you will encounter at least one sociopath in your lives. Probably many.
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Disappointing 2 Oct. 2013
By D. Hallstrom - Published on
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
Found this book to be more of a personal journal than informative. Author spent much time describing the outfits she wore on her dates along with other random personal info that had little relevance to her theme.
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