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Raising the Kid You Love with the Ex You Hate [Kindle Edition]

Edward Farber
5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (1 customer review)

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Book Description

Powerful advice for you and your ex-spouse on how to reduce conflict and protect your children’s well-being while co-parenting
You and your former wife/husband are struggling to be civil to each other and you recognize the conflicts could be damaging to your child. Dr. Farber, a clinical child psychologist who’s been in practice for 30+ years, knows what you’re up against. He writes compassionately and insightfully about the concrete, doable steps you can take to avoid letting differences with your ex get in the way of being the best mom or the best dad you can be.

Conflicts inevitably arise from living in two households. You don’t have to like your ex, but, if you are going to co-parent successfully, you will still have to deal with your ex. Dr. Farber helps you navigate the upheaval with practical advice based on real-world families. His book shows you how to

• Know what to say, and not to say, to your child about separation and divorce
• Cope with child support and other money issues
• Handle the holidays and special family occasions
• Choose and adjust to new schools
• Introduce your child to a potential new partner
• Co-parent when an ex has a personality disorder, addiction problem, or is a bully
• Decide when to recruit the help of a parent coordinator
• Raise a healthy child while co-parenting

You’ll draw strength and encouragement from the positive outcomes he’s helped hurting parents and children achieve as they confronted such gripping problem areas. Dr. Farber’s expert analysis and counsel will show you how to use co-parenting to turn your broken marriage into a working divorce that supports the emotional and developmental health of your children caught in the crossfire.

Product details

  • Format: Kindle Edition
  • File Size: 370 KB
  • Print Length: 224 pages
  • Publisher: Greenleaf Book Group Press (28 Jan. 2013)
  • Sold by: Amazon Media EU S.à r.l.
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B00B7A11FK
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Not Enabled
  • Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (1 customer review)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #267,782 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
Format:Kindle Edition
Dr Farber's book is essential for any couple who are thinking of splitting up who have children. Insightful, direct, brilliantly succinct, it will help every parent remember what is truly important - and teach them how to put aside bitterness for the sake of the innocent victims of parental separation.
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews on (beta) 4.4 out of 5 stars  26 reviews
4 of 5 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Great resource for divorcing parents who want to remain great parents 29 Jan. 2013
By Karen - Published on
Dr Ed Farber's book is full of fabulous advice about how to make the business of co-parenting work after the business of marriage has failed. The basis of his advice about successful co-parenting hinges on these three principles:

1. Your child needs both parents
2. Reduce parental conflict after the separation
3. Both parents make decisions

Parents who can agree to abide by these three principles will have a headstart in helping their children be happy, healthy adults. To be implemented well, each parent needs to be consistently focused on them and communicate regularly with their ex to make sure they're on the same page. Continuing to interact with your ex after divorce may not be something you look forward to, but, as Dr Farber points out, it's necessary to being able to raise the kid you love.

I really appreciated reading this no non-sense approach to making co-parenting work along with the real-life stories from Ed's practice, but probably the best part of this book is the fact that he shares ideas for non-ideal co-parenting situations. He offers suggestions for dealing with an ex who is more interested in revenge than in successfully co-parenting, for how the co-parenting arrangement will naturally need to change as your kid grows older, for dealing with an ex who has emotional, psychological or addictive disorders, and even for dealing with kids who may be embellishing the truth to get into your good graces.

This book is an ideal resource for parents who are divorced or divorcing and committed to continuing to be great parents.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Essential reading for divorced people with kids 6 Mar. 2013
By Zach Taylor - Published on
This book is essential reading for anyone with kids who is contemplating divorce, is in the process of getting divorced, or is already divorced -- even if you don't hate your ex. The book provides practical advice on how to navigate the treacherous shoals of raising kids in a divided family. The book stresses that this navigation will not end when child support stops; it continues for so long as the child and both parents live.
5.0 out of 5 stars A Must-Read for Divorcing or Divorced Parents 11 Mar. 2013
By Rosalind Sedacca - Published on
Clinical child-psychologist Edward Farber, PhD wrote a powerful new book with a compelling title, Raising the Kid You Love with the Ex You Hate. That's the formidable challenge ... and that's just what Dr. Farber's no-nonsense advice helps parents do following a divorce.

The book discusses the complexities of co-parenting as well as why your child will benefit from the efforts you make in that direction. He addresses the important subject of how, what and what not to tell your children about the divorce and about related family issues once the co-parenting process has begun.

Extremely important is his discussion of the nitty-gritty day-to-day realities of shared parenting when the divorce is behind you. He covers how to cope with the adjustments, handle school-related issues, health, discipline and the multitude of decisions that need to be made while raising any children.
Holidays and special occasions get additional attention because they are often the source of conflict which can be avoided by planning and skilled communication. So Dr. Farber spends a good deal of time focused on ways to communicate more effectively with your former spouse on behalf of everyone in the family.

Children acting out and other behavior problems following divorce are also addressed with keen insight on how kids can coerce, control or manipulate parents when they know they have the power. And Dr. Farber provides valuable advice about when co-parenting is not in the best interest of your family or when it's time to bring in professional support for issues too big to handle by yourself.

Dr. Farber shares compelling real stories based on his years of practice followed by strategies and solid advice for overcoming obstacles and facing challenges realistically. Parents who read and take to heart the messages in his book will find the path to co-parenting success will not be as treacherous as they might have expected. I will happily recommend this guide to my own coaching clients as well as all those participating in the Child-Centered Divorce Network for parents.

Rosalind Sedacca
The Voice of Child-Centered Divorce
Founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network
Author, How Do I Tell the Kids About My Divorce?
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent Resource For Therapists and Co-Parents 4 Mar. 2013
By Amazon Customer - Published on
Any therapist who has worked with divorced couples has dealt with parents who will drone on about how much they love their children and would be willing to do anything for them… Then the therapist suggests, separately to these loving parents, that they communicate directly with each other for the good of their child. Thus begins the torrent of excuses for why this would never work—Each parent tells the therapist, “I’m willing, but he’s a lazy bastard,” “I’m willing but she needs to pay child support first,” and so on… and so on… the excuses continue.

Dr. Farber’s Book, Raising The Kid You Love With The Ex You Hate delivers a practical guide to parents as they navigate through their breakup and the negotiations of post-divorce childrearing. It combats the many excuses parents will give as to impossibility of working with their ex for the good of their children and provides strategic advice for shielding the kids from the conflict between their parents. Dr. Farber asserts this will allow kids to freely enjoy a loving relationship with both their parents, resulting better outcomes for the children. To accomplish this, Dr. Farber lays out a plan for parents to adopt a business model, in their interactions with each other, in which they are each stakeholders in a professional endeavor –raising their children- where the kids’ needs and future successful launch into adulthood are placed above their own ambitions and conflict.

My favorite aspect of this book is that it is concise yet packed with detailed solutions to many of the trials people endure when they split up—from how, when, and where to tell the kids, in an age appropriate manner, that their parents are separating, to the mountains of co-parenting issues (religion, new relationships, substance abuse and mental health problems) and the mole hills (bedtimes, organic food diets, and name brand jeans). Dr. Farber even touches on one day sharing grandchildren with the ex you hate and protecting them from the fallout of the war between their grandparents.

Raising The Kid You Love With The Ex You Hate is a great resource for therapists and anyone who is in a co-parenting situation, regardless of whether they purport to like their ex or not…if they are willing to do anything for their children, then they can show it by reading this book and practicing the principles presented in it.
5.0 out of 5 stars Finally! The definitive guide... 2 May 2013
By JS Clinical Psychologist - Published on
You don't have to hate your ex to need to read this book! Raising the Child You Love with the Ex You Hate is a simple, straightforward "How-to" manual for raising emotionally healthy children in the context of divorce.

This definitive work taps Dr. Farber's vast clinical experience and is rooted in current empirical research. It provide simple guidelines and practical solutions in an easy read that is accessible to parents as well as legal and mental health professionals. This book provides a broad overview, supports each section with principles and research findings, and gives specific examples, anecdotes, and suggested scripts for dealing with potential obstacles. Thus, it empowers the reader to develop a broader theoretical understanding while preparing practical plans for dealing with issues as they arise.

In the heat of the emotionally charged moments surrounding divorce, the most helpless and innocent are the ones most often hurt. Dr. Farber has drawn a wise and practical roadmap for preventing children from becoming collateral damage in the divorce wars.
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