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Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys (Ballantine Reader's Circle) [Paperback]

Daniel J. Kindlon , Michael Thompson , Teresa Barker
4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (9 customer reviews)
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Book Description

April 2000 Ballantine Reader's Circle
In Raising Cain, Dan Kindlon, Ph.D., and Michael Thompson, Ph.D., two of the country's leading child psychologists, share what they have learned in more than thirty-five years of combined experience working with boys and their families. They reveal a nation of boys who are hurting--sad, afraid, angry, and silent. Kindlon and Thompson set out to answer this basic, crucial question: What do boys need that they're not getting? They illuminate the forces that threaten our boys, teaching them to believe that "cool" equals macho strength and stoicism. Cutting through outdated theories of "mother blame," "boy biology," and "testosterone," the authors shed light on the destructive emotional training our boys receive--the emotional miseducation of boys.

Kindlon and Thompson make a compelling case that emotional literacy is the most valuable gift we can offer our sons, urging parents to recognize the price boys pay when we hold them to an impossible standard of manhood. They identify the social and emotional challenges that boys encounter in school and show how parents can help boys cultivate emotional awareness and empathy--giving them the vital connections and support they need to navigate the social pressures of youth.

Frequently Bought Together

Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys (Ballantine Reader's Circle) + Raising Boys: Why Boys are Different - and How to Help Them Become Happy and Well-Balanced Men
Price For Both: £15.72

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Product details

  • Paperback: 320 pages
  • Publisher: Ballantine Books; 1 edition (April 2000)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0345434854
  • ISBN-13: 978-0345434852
  • Product Dimensions: 13.9 x 1.7 x 20.8 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (9 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 9,277 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Inside This Book (Learn More)
First Sentence
Luke, thirteen, pauses at the office door, undecided whether to take his baseball cap off or leave it alone; he pulls it off and steps into the room-the school psychologist's office. Read the first page
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Customer Reviews

4.4 out of 5 stars
4.4 out of 5 stars
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
39 of 41 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Raising Cain is one tough, enlightening read! 18 Mar 2001
Format:Paperback
Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys co-authored by Teresa Barker. Two of the country's leading child psychologists share their experiences of working with boys & their families. They reveal a nation of boys who are hurting - sad, afraid, angry & silent. Statistics point to an alarming number of boys at risk for suicide, alcohol & drug abuse, violence & loneliness.

Kindlon & Thompson set out to answer this crucial question: What do boys need that they're not getting? Through moving case studies & up-to-date research, Raising Cain portrays generations of boys systematically herded away from their emotional life by adults & the peer "culture of cruelty"; receiving little encouragement to examine their emotions & develop qualities like compassion, sensitivity & affection.

In Fathers and Sons: A Legacy of Desire and Distance, Kindlon & Thompson open up the sad, sad wound of unrequited love. When a grown man cries in therapy, it is almost always about his father & his yearning for his father's love. Into that yearning has been fed decades of anger, sadness & shame.

Why is it that fathers describe their sons as never listening, not understanding while their sons describe their fathers in similar terms of discontent? Why do sons rub their fathers the wrong way? Can fathers & sons have a close, loving relationship? How can they close the emotional gulf? Kindlon & Thompson have some good ideas, read'em & weep!

Kindlon & Thompson identify the social & emotional challenges boys must encounter in school & the streets & show us how we can help boys cultivate emotional awareness, empathy & health. They offer us seven foundations of parenting, teaching & creating communities that respect & cultivate the inner life of boys. Read'em & weep, then practise them!

Raising Cain is aptly titled for it is one tough book to read! There were portions I dreaded! I do, however, recommend it heartily even if you have no boys in your life - you must have brothers, husbands, co-workers, employees & bosses & this book goes a long, long way to explaining why modern people of the male gender behave the way they do. Do check out our Boy's Week of reviews & others on the inner life of boys & men.

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9 of 9 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Highly recommended guide to bringing up boys 16 Oct 2009
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
I cannot recommend this book highly enough and it really should be handed out to every parent of newly born boys. Mine are now 3 and 5, and I rather wish I had had this book when they were born so I could have applied the information it contains from day one. To actually understand WHY boys act as they do, WHY they test their boundaries, WHY they 'drive us nuts' and how to not only cope with it all but to use the knowledge to point boys in the right direction instead of simply knocking them down, with criticism, with anger and with the shouted command. It explains how this course of action can so demoralize boys that it can show up in and even blight the rest of their lives. Boys SO need love and affection, they SO want to please, but at the same time they SO need to appear that they don't! It's a conundrum which many parents are probably not even aware of. I now am, and my boys and I are already starting to reap the benefits. But the book is so much more than a manual. Just reading the many case histories made we me weep to see how easily parents had gone wrong and changed their sons' lives for the worse, for ever. Buy it, read it, read it again. Then celebrate your youngsters' energy, and enrich each others' lives. For boys, and especially teenage boys, life is a jungle. This book will guide you through it, at every stage.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars An excellent resource about boys 21 May 1999
By A Customer
Format:Paperback
This book is a valuable resource for teachers, counselors, parents and even older boys themselves. It contains interesting angles on the life of a boy, excellent insights and proactive advice on how to help our sons, students and friends.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars A must buy for parents of boys
Not only am I the mother of 2 boys, but I am also a psychologist, and this book sparked my interest. Read more
Published 2 days ago by Professional Psycho
5.0 out of 5 stars wow-brilliant.
if you have sons growing up-then you need to read this book-too often boys needs are completely ignored,worse still-boys are told not to cry !!??rubbish-read this now !
Published 2 months ago by donna
4.0 out of 5 stars Heart wrenching....
Anyone who reads this book will recognise the behaviour of the boys and men in their lives to some extent, and for the female reader it gives a window into a world very different... Read more
Published 2 months ago by Happy Shopper
4.0 out of 5 stars By a Mum of Two Boys
I have not read the book from cover to cover yet, but most of it - concentrating on the bits most relevant to me/my two boys. Read more
Published 5 months ago by artheart71
3.0 out of 5 stars Insight into the male psychie
This book provides lots and lots of examples of where society goes wrong in understanding boys but very little in the way of what we are supposed to do to put things right. Read more
Published on 1 Aug 2009 by M. Murray
5.0 out of 5 stars A must for all parents who want to try and get it right!!
Although the authors are American and the case studies quoted are all about Amercian boys growing up in an American system the basic advice given and the principles behind their... Read more
Published on 19 Oct 1999 by caroline gray
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