How to Raise Your I.Q. by Eating Gifted Children [Paperback]

I recently applied for a job at a prestigious software company, but I was rejected because they told me my I.Q. was about 3 points too low for the position I wanted. Crushed and humiliated, I desperately sought a "do-it-yourself" method for artificially raising my I.Q. so that I could acquire my dream job. My quest took months and miles of travel. I looked into expensive surgery, African herbal remedies, and even Haitian voodoo in order to increase my I.Q., all to no avail. Frustrated, I was ready to give up all hope and force myself to work the rest of my life as a repo man, when a friend recommended me this book. He said that he had purchased it a few years ago, and that it had raised his I.Q. by 50 points! Overjoyed, yet hesitant, I asked him what the title of the book was. He replied that the title was "How to Raise Your I.Q. by Eating Gifted Children."

Initially I was skeptical, as I have read that children, especially gifted children, are very low on fiber and other vital nutrients. Plus, they don't have a whole lot of meat to roast, which can kind of make you feel wasteful. My friend assured me that the book would address all of my questions, and that the method worked extremely well. Anxious to discover if devouring intelligent children would boost my I.Q., I eagerly tore into the book and read it in one night. All I can say is: WOW! It absolutely blew me away with all of the incredible recipes and tips for cooking and eating smart kids. It is written in a very easy-to-read, easy-to-understand manner that is readily accessible to all. It even has full color diagrams that illustrate the best ways to dismember and cook the children in order to achieve the best results. Even if this book didn't have practical applications, I would have given it 5 stars just for the quality of the writing and pictures.

But this book is intended to be used practically, and it would be all for nought if it didn't work like it said it would. The book explains that eating children with special talents will also make your talents increase in that area. For example, the consumption of a math whiz would improve your higher mathematics skills, frying a kid in drumline would improve your musical abilities, etc. Naturally, this factored into my choice of which child I would spit-roast to obtain a higher I.Q. Luckily, this wasn't too hard. Leroy, the 5th grader who lives down the street, got straight A's, won the science fair every year, and had built his own computer and hacked into the DOD database. On top of that, he was extremely obese and annoying as hell, so obviously this was an easy choice. A week ago, I offered to help him with his latest science project and he gladly accepted. He came over for the evening and I wasted no time in getting started.

The book states that the best way to devour a chunky kid is to kill him with a single gunshot wound, and to spit roast him for maximum results. Everything was all ready to go the second he walked in the door, so I delivered an instant headshot and secured him upon the spit roast I had set up in my living room. Since I wanted a savory meal, the slow roasting with all of my favorite exotic spices took about 10 hours. Once that was done, I put the most tender portions on my plate and poured myself a glass of wine. At first, nothing happened. For the next few hours, I felt that I had been ripped off. Frustrated at not feeling any different, I grabbed my Rubik's Cube. To my shock and amazement, I completed it in less than a minute! That's when I knew my I.Q. had increased. The next day I reapplied for the position and got hired.

In short, this is a fantastic book. I would recommend it to anyone looking to boost their I.Q. Granted, securing a child and successfully consuming him or her without arousing suspicion is a bit of a challenge, but the results are well worth it. I'm glad that someone has finally written a practical book that will allow many people to realize their dreams.

Truly a must have... I've already noticed results, and I believe I can continue to improve my I.Q. further.

I do wish they covered a little more in depth how to acquire more gifted children to consume. Skulking around private schools in a van can be tiresome and risky. A mail order service would be convenient, though human trafficking is somewhat frowned upon.

Despite the shortcomings, I highly recommend this book to anyone aspiring for a little more intelligence. If you have easy access to gifted children, then this is a no-brainer... buy it now!

At last, recipes for the Mensan! The recipe chapter is an expansion of the idea set forth in A Modest Proposal by Jonathan Swift, but without the political bite.

The rest of the book is composed of Mr. Frumkes forays into the urban jungle. They tend to be breezy and long-winded, with very little substance. The observations in the book are good for a giggle, but don't expect a glimpse of the deeper ironies - there weren't any real belly laughs in this book.

If you are in Mensa, this book belongs on your shelf. However, if you are looking for some meaty humor, you likely won't find it here.

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