As human beings, we are defined by our ability to process thoughts, and emotions, relevant to each person who we interact with.
At work, in our communities and in our private lives, we have a role to play. We also have many choices to make, on a continual basis.
As someone who has studied loves studying verbal judo, I was impressed by the new things that I learned from this book.
Though there are many lessons that I gleamed from this book, this review describes author's five essential skills for radical collaboration.
The five essential skills to overcome defensiveness; and to build successful relationships are:
1. Collaborative Intention;
This is recognizing how we all, even those of us who are perceived to be strong, have defensive habits.
To arrive at this, it's important that you are fully in the present moment. And you've checked your ego at the door.
Many will say, "I can't acknowledge that person's attributes, when I disagree."
But, if you want what you want, and you intend to get it, you must accept that recognizing and sincerely acknowledging your interlocutor's attributes will inspire him or her to work with you on finding a solution that is mutually beneficial.
Remember that this experience is not your entire life - it's just an experience.
This is looking inside yourself, accepting what is, and being visible to your interlocutor.
Admit how you teach your opponent, or interlocutor to push just the right button, to make you think and feel the worst.
And in so doing, you will inspire collaboration, first within yourself, then with others.
This is making habitual, conscious choices in your life, and taking responsibility for the results of your choices.
I recently was challenged with this with someone who is a senior, who has been somewhat of a surrogate mom.
For everything that I said, this senior woman kept saying things that bugged me.
And though I normally speak up in the present moment, this experience taught me that she was showing me my weaknesses. Which, to me, meant that I had an opportunity to do what I call facing my fire-blowing dragons and turning them into my seeds of greatness.
This is true self-accountability.
4. Self-Awareness and Awareness of Others; and,
Using past and current painful experiences to make empowering choices for yourself, now.
Before you can influence a project, a group of others or one person, you must be aware of how your thoughts and feelings impact those around you.
I call this "checking in with my inner self; then, checking out how others are behaving."
Do this allows you to be compassionate to yourself - which of course empowers you to be free to be aware of others.
With a positive attitude, create a statement of the issues to be resolved. Be sure the underlying interests of all parties is factored into the issues, solutions and evaluation of the solutions.