Quarterlife Crisis: How to Get Your Head Round Life in Your Twenties [Paperback]

Are you torn between climbing the career ladder or throwing on a sarong in Goa? Do all your mates seem more successful and sorted than you do? Are you suffocated by choice, responsibility, and self-doubt? Are money, homelife and relationships stressing you out? Do these questions just make you want to crawl back under your duvet? Surprisingly you are not alone you could be in the middle of a quarterlife crisis. We've all heard of adolescent angst and the mid-life crisis, but no one really talks about the challenges of the period in between. The truth is that being a twentysomething in the 'real-world' isn't easy. "Quarterlife Crisis" is the first book to name and document this phenomenon. With masses of facts, information, and startlingly honest anecdotes "Quarterlife Crisis" helps you out through an often dizzying period, and compellingly tackles the most difficult questions facing twenty somethings today.

Alexandra Robbins is a journalist who has written for such publications as The New Yorker, The Atlantic Monthly, The Washington Post, Salon and Time Digital. Abby Wilner Works in the information technology field as a website administrator. Both authors are in their twenties who live in Washington D.C.

What is a quartlife crisis?

Jim, the neighbour who lives in the three-story colonial down the block, has recently turned 50. You know this because Jim’s wife threw him a surprise party about a month ago. You know this because, since then, Jim has dyed his hair blonde, purchased a leather bomber jacket, traded in his Chevy Suburban for a sleek Miata, and ditched his wife for a girlfriend half her size and age.

Yet, aside from the local ladies’ group’s sympathetic clucks for the scorned wife, few neighbours are surprised at Jim’s instant lifestyle change. Instead, they nod their heads understandingly. “Oh, Jim,” they say. “He’s just going through his midlife crisis. Everyone goes through it.” Friends, colleagues, and family members excuse his weird behaviour as an inevitable effect of reaching this particular stage of life. Like millions of other middle-aged people, Jim has reached a period during which he believes he must ponder the direction of his life- and then alter it.

Chances are, if you’re reading this book, you’re not Jim. You know this because you can’t afford a leather bomb jacket, you drive your parents’ Volvo (if you drive a car at all), and, regardless of your gender, you would happily marry Jim’s wife if she gets to keep the house. But Jim’s midlife crisis is relevant to you nonetheless, because it is currently the only age-related crisis that is widely recognised as a common, inevitable part of life. This is a pertinent because, despite the hundreds of books, movies, and magazine articles dedicated to explaining the sometimes traumatic transition through middle age and the ways to cope with it, the midlife crisis is not the only age-related crisis that we experience. As Yoda whispered to Luke Skywalker, “There is another.”

The other crisis can be just as, if not more, devastating than the midlife crisis. It can throw someone’s life into a chaotic disarray or paralyse it completely. It may be the single most concentrated period during which individuals relentlessly question their future and how it will follow the events of their past. It covers the interval that encompasses the transition from the academic world to the “real” world- an age group that can range from late adolescence to the mid-thirties but is usually most intense in the twentysomethings. It is what we call the quarterlife crisis, and it is a real phenomenon.

The quarterlife crisis and the midlife crisis stem from the same basic problem, but the resulting panic couldn’t be more the opposite. At their cores, both the quarterlife crisis and the midlife crisis are about major life change. Often, for people experiencing a mid-life crisis, a sense of stagnancy sparks need for change. During this period, a middle aged person tends to reflect on his past, in part to see if his life to date measures up to the life he had envisioned as a child (or as a twentysomething). The midlife crisis also impels a middle-aged person to look forward, sometimes with an increasing sense of desperation, at the time he feels he has left.

In contrast, the quarterlife crisis occurs precisely because there is non of that predictable stability that drives middle-aged people to do unpredictable things. After about twenty years in a sheltered school setting- or more if a person has gone on to graduate or professional school- many graduates undergo some sort of culture shock. In the academic environment, goals were clear-cut and the ways to achieve them were mapped out distinctly. To get into a good college or graduate school, it helped if you graduated with honours; to graduate with honours, you needed to get good grades; to get good grades you had to study hard. If your goals were athletic, you worked your way up from junior varsity or walk-on to varsity by practising skills, working out in the weight room, and gelling with teammates and coaches. The better you were, the more playing time you got, the more impressive your statistics could become.

But after graduation, the pathways blur. In that crazy, wild nexus that people like to call the “real world,” there is no definitive way to get from point A to point B, regardless of whether the points are related to a career, financial situation, home or social life (though we have found through several unscientific studies that offering to pay for the next round of drinks can usually improve three out of the four). The extreme uncertainty that twentysomethings experience after graduation occurs because what was once a solid line that they could follow throughout their series of educational institutions has now disintegrated into millions of different options. The sheer number of possibilities can certainly inspire hope- that is why people say that twentysomethings have their whole lives ahead of them. But the endless array of decisions can also make a recent graduate feel utterly lost.

So while the midlife crisis revolves around a doomed sense of stagnancy, of a life set on pause while the rest of the world rattles on, the quarterlife crisis is a response to overwhelming instability, constant change, too many choices, and a panicked sense of helplessness. Just as the monotony of a lifestyle stuck in idle can drive a person to question himself intently, so, too, can the uncertainty of a life thrust into chaos. The transition from childhood to adulthood-from school to the world beyond- comes as a jolt for which many of today’s twentysomethings simply are not prepared. The resulting overwhelming senses of helplessness and cluelessness, of indecision and apprehension, make up the real and common experience we call the quarterlife crisis. Individuals who are approaching middle age at least know what is coming. Because the midlife crisis is so widely acknowledged, people who undergo it are at the very least aware that there are places where they can go for help, such as support groups, books, movies, or Internet sites. Twentysomethings, by contrast, face a crisis that hits them with a far more powerful force than ever expected. The slam is particularly painful because today’s twentysomethings believe that they are alone and that they are having a much more difficult transition period than their peers- because the twenties are supposed to be “easy,” because no one talks about these problems, and because the difficulties are therefore so unexpected. And at the fragile, doubt-ridden age during which the quarterlife crisis occurs, the ramifications can be extremely dangerous.