Pretending to be Normal: Living with Asperger's Syndrome
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Product Description
The story of a woman who, after years of self-doubt, learned to embrace her Asperger's syndrome traits. Liane Holliday Willey shares the daily struggles and challenges that face those who have Asperger's syndrome. It includes coping strategies and guidance for a range of situations.
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First Sentence
There are days when I stand on a precipice, precariously ready to fall beyond whom I am and into someone whom I cannot really believe I ever was; someone I beg never to become again. Read the first page
Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Back Cover
There are days when I stand on a precipice, precariously ready to fall beyond whom I am and into someone whom I cannot really believe I ever was; someone I beg never to become again. Read the first page
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Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Back Cover
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Customer Reviews
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
51 of 51 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
I am diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome and compared to Liane I have been a lot less successful at having a more mainstream life. If I don’t tell people I have Asperger syndrome they think I am strange, stupid, and unpleasant. If I do tell people I have Asperger syndrome the first thing they always say is how ‘normal’ I seem despite it. I guess telling people you have AS lowers their expectations of you and the standards they judge you by, totally altering their perception of what you are like.
There is no question that Liane has been more successful at living a normal life than the majority of people on the autistic spectrum manage, which is no doubt why she chose the title ‘Pretending to be Normal’. There are many thousands of people like her who have always been different but who have found ways to fit in, deep down though they perhaps feel they are not being as true to themselves as they could be… they might feel ashamed of the secret difficulties they are so good at hiding and overcoming, or they may resent other people not being aware of the effort they are putting in all the time to keep up appearances.
It’s easy for neurotypical readers to complain that she was not as severely afflicted as they were hoping, or that she doesn’t fit the rain man stereotype of autism they like to cling to, but that is totally missing the point… if this book has one message it is that amongst the wide diversity of the autistic spectrum there are at one extreme people like Liane, and because the problems they experience are hidden they are in many ways more alone and isolated than those for whom they are more obvious. Why shouldn’t she tell her story? It is as valid as anybody else’s.
This was the first book written by someone else with Asperger syndrome that I ever read and I thoroughly enjoyed it, though as I caution all the time, if you were only going to read one book and this one was it, it would not give you the complete picture.
It has several very practical and useful appendices covering subjects like disclosure, coping strategies, and organisation. Ultimately I think this book is most suitable for those who suspect themselves AS after the diagnosis of a child like the author, but it would be an interesting read for anybody.
33 of 34 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
I chanced on this book in 1999 and I keep coming back to it. Liane Holliday Willey is a heroine to me. Her title "Pretending to be normal" is ironic - on page 89 she says "I had finally reached the end of my race to be normal", i.e. realised that she can be herself, as well as learning how to get on with other people. I am very encouraged by her tale of "how much I have changed, how much I have progressed" and her conviction that "my AS traits never had a chance to take over my bid for a more mainstreamed life". My copy is now well-thumbed, with plenty of highlighting in the margins. Phrases from this book have become like proverbs for me: her realisation that she was "too close to lonely"; her husband's affectionate "you're so weird"; her injunction to herself and to us to always "do your best", and "make time for fun, no matter how you define it". Other people might have said similar things but for me to accept it, I needed to hear it from one of us. I also saw what another reviewer said about her emphasis on sensory stuff - yes, I thought that was weird too - but then I thought, isn't that what this is all about? We're not all going to be weird in the same way!
7 of 7 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
I'm the one who is fed up with pretending to be normal like anyone else. I have been feeling distant and different from other people like she felt in her university days. I usually felt neglected, alienated, and discounted when interacting with other people. They superficially seemed nice to me, but actually they implicitly hated me. That was why I could trust nobody else. I often felt left behind like the author missed her college classes in a state of confusion in the crowd. After I was diagnosed with ADHD and Asperger syndrome(AS), I realized that I don't have to pretend to be a neuro-typical(NT) person any more! Even though I come to know my AS traits now, it has been very tough to maintain stable relationships with other people, which causes frequent job changes. Especially, unwritten rules and sudden changes get on my nerves! NT people have taken them for granted, though.
Recently I have come to recognize I could find someone to go to bat for; job hunting agency staff who deal with challenged people have trying so hard to understand the specifics of developmental impairments. To my great surprise, they know the ropes more than typical hard-headed psychiatrists! Thanks to them, I can be more objective and understand both the pros and cons of AS and ADHD more than before I met them.
Like Liane Holliday Willy said, people with AS can be normal with more understanding people, I'd say. Then they won't have to suppress their feelings and stress themselves out!
Recently I have come to recognize I could find someone to go to bat for; job hunting agency staff who deal with challenged people have trying so hard to understand the specifics of developmental impairments. To my great surprise, they know the ropes more than typical hard-headed psychiatrists! Thanks to them, I can be more objective and understand both the pros and cons of AS and ADHD more than before I met them.
Like Liane Holliday Willy said, people with AS can be normal with more understanding people, I'd say. Then they won't have to suppress their feelings and stress themselves out!
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
Disliked this book
I have AS and am also on the high functioning end of the spectrum, I am a woman and I often find people find it hard to believe I have AS at all due to my skill at acting... Read more
Published 4 months ago by R
Pretending or Trying
I tend to agree with Wirral Squirrel about this book. It is intensely subjective, with no almost no references to literature about AS, and treats LHW's traits as a definition of... Read more
Published 8 months ago by Asparagus
Pretending to be Aspergers? Disappointing.
I bought this book for my recently diagnosed adult AS daughter. She read it in two hours, before giving it back to me. Read more
Published 9 months ago by Wirral_Squirrel
Good subjective description of what it is like to have AS
This is a book about Asperger's syndrome penned by one suffering from it. However the author's Asperger's syndrome was not diagnosed (if it ever was) until one of her own children... Read more
Published 23 months ago by Iona Tamsin Stewart
A wonderful autobiography
I was diagnosed with AS as a child, and although I'm not as high-functioning as Willey, I still found this a great and interesting read. Read more
Published on 11 Jun 2009 by Alison
Prompted me to seek assessment
I came across this book while I was browsing in Border's (sorry, Amazon, we bookworms *must* have our fix of hands-on book buying :-). Read more
Published on 10 Jun 2008 by Gareth Greenwood
Is her name Liane or Aspergia?
'Pretending to Be Normal' is the autobiography of a woman who has a daughter with Asperger's Syndrome. Read more
Published on 30 Jan 2005 by Jessi
Just one woman's experience
As another reviewer commented, this is just one person's experience of living with Asperger Syndrome, with all the limitations that implies. Read more
Published on 18 July 2003
A very personal autobiography
I have some problems with this book. Although it is interesting, there is a great deal of emphasis on sensory dysfunction. Read more
Published on 28 Aug 2001
An excellent read, informative and entertaining.
This is a wonderfully absorbing account of the life of someone with Asperger's Syndrome. I read this book cover to cover in one sitting. Read more
Published on 2 April 2000
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