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Power And Control: Why Charming Men Can Make Dangerous Lovers
 
 
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Power And Control: Why Charming Men Can Make Dangerous Lovers [Paperback]

Sandra Horley
4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (17 customer reviews)
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Frequently Bought Together

Power And Control: Why Charming Men Can Make Dangerous Lovers + Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men + The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing
Price For All Three: £22.47

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Product details

  • Paperback: 272 pages
  • Publisher: Vermilion (21 Feb 2002)
  • Language English
  • ISBN-10: 0091884322
  • ISBN-13: 978-0091884321
  • Product Dimensions: 12.7 x 1.9 x 19.7 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (17 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 15,002 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Product Description

Review

'This book was a true revelation. Not only did I realise I was not alone but it helped make sense of what I had been experiencing and why. There is no other way to describe this book other than it made me strong enough to change my life' Sheryl Gascoigne 'I have no doubt that Power and Control will show thousands of women that they are not alone and encourage them to take the first step' Cherie Booth, QC

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
83 of 83 people found the following review helpful
By A Customer
Format:Paperback
The beauty of this book is it dispels several myths. Domestic violence/domestic abuse is about much more than battering. People who haven't been through it often fail to understand why women stay, or what they are complaining about if they are not being hit.

Power and Control gives detailed analysis of the dynamics of woman abuse, the ways in which a women's confidence and independence are whittled away by men who alternate rage and affection. These same men are entirely credible to the wider world and no-one would suspect what goes on behind closed doors. These are also the charming men the woman fell in love with and find it difficult to leave. It is written with numerous anecdotal examples of what women have experienced, and clearly describes the effects the abuser's behaviour had on the woman and children. It also has a detailed discussion about how society creates a setting in which woman abuse can flourish, and ideas about how society and individual men can begin to change this.

As a self-help book this could help women, especially those who do not experience battering, to identify the problem more clearly and spur them into taking action. It also signposts to support services and acknowledges the difficulties in leaving the situation.

I think this book will also be helpful to anyone wanting to learn more about domestic violence, whether professionally or personally. A good one to recommend to friends or family who want to support someone who has lived with woman abuse.

Overall I found it helpful, though not all chapters felt relevant to me. Some of the material can be disturbing to read.

A worthwhile read -

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37 of 37 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
This book, shows you the truth, & the truth sets you free.
After 5 years of self doubt & confusion grasping to understand the contraditions in my relationship. When he was good he was the most amazing and charming man I have ever known, who would move mountains for me. When he & bad, he was the most leathal, abusive, sadistic, dangerous, spiteful, evil, compulsive lier, venemous, mean, vengeful almost murderously abusive person I have ever encountered, he made satan look like a walk in the park.

This book showed me clearly the big picture and what was happening to me, and why I was so confused and disempowered. Living with these people knocks the spring out of your step, flattens the fun out of your soul, wipes the smile off your face. You feel broken, worthless, ashamed, guilty and powerless, trauma and bullying isn't the ideal setting to give you space to think clearly to empower yourself by seeing the truth. I was so naive, I really didnt know that such charming men, who claimed undying love, who begged you to stay and they would change could be so insincere and purposely plot to hurt & abuse another human being without any remorse.
It also helps you understand, be prepared, accept and deal with yet another betrayal of the social aftermath when you leave, as you watch their predictable charming behaviour seducing people to turn you against you - because after all its you thats the problem, they haven't done anything wrong and of course ... their the victim!!!
Thank god I can laugh at it now! because I'm free... to be me...
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34 of 34 people found the following review helpful
By A Customer
Format:Paperback
I cannot recommend this book too strongly to anyone who is or has been in an abusive relationship, or supported someone else through one. One woman in four will experience domestic violence at some point in her life; and the frightening thing is that that's just the physical violence, it doesn't include the devastating emotional violence. The men who abuse women tend to follow a set pattern: they are usually complete charmers desperate for power and control, and it is by by alternating abuse with seeming love that they consolidate the hold they have over their partners and completely undermine the woman's self-esteem. Other people may think that there's nothing wrong, he's a charming man, but the truth behind many of these relationships is much darker and seems impossible to explain to anyone...

I was just out of a relationship that I had finally realised was abusive when I found this book, thinking to myself at the time, "Of course I don't really count as an abused woman, it's not as if he beat me up..." I was shocked to see my experiences described in such a way that she could have been telling my story, and was crying while reading most of the book: it talked about so many things I hadn't even recognised as abuse. This book has given me a great deal of courage and helped to explain what happened to me and why. If you are in an abusive relationship it will help you understand and hopefully get out. It has a very good checklist for "are you in an abusive relationship" as well, listing all the warning signs that I couldn't see clearly at the time but were niggling nevertheless.

And finally a message:

Invisible bruises can hurt the most. No one deserves to be abused. You're not alone. You can get out.

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Most Recent Customer Reviews
Simply a must read for abused women
This Book is very good explaining a number of different types of relationships, and the abusive situations, and how some couples cope. Read more
Published 5 months ago by Ms. D. Salmons
not what i needed
I am sure this would be useful if you had been in an abusive relationship but i found it a bit disturbing really!
Published 8 months ago by emma
Great book!
I found this book to be a great read. It is powerful in its content and in its style of writing. the writer really lifts the lid on social stereotyping and how difficult it is to... Read more
Published 8 months ago by Taylosa
Why Charming Men can make Dangerous Lovers
My Womenfriends have been sharing this book ever since it was recommended to me by my Shrink: This book explained why it was so hard for us to leave the initially charming and... Read more
Published 9 months ago by Julia Hawkes-Moore
Very one sided
I support the activities of Refuge, and agree with the author that societal myths (eg a man's home is his castle) play a damaging role in looking the other way at physical and... Read more
Published 12 months ago by Sam Iam
The penny dropped
I found this book in the library and decided to go ahead and purchase it. It's a fantastic book to understand how we can end up in abusive relationships. Read more
Published 16 months ago by Newme
A must read for all women
I would say for men too, but from my experience, there are so many more women, that are victims... Women need to read this just to realise that what they are experiencing is just... Read more
Published 23 months ago by artyfarty78
very good
The book: the book is very good and really outline what a woman go through when she is abused. Morevover, it tries to find out where in the society there is failure to let men... Read more
Published on 28 April 2010 by Camille Obligis
If you question whether you are being abused read this!
This book has undoubtedly helped me through the darkest time of my life. My partner was in this book despite my constant denial to everyone surrounding me. Read more
Published on 1 Mar 2010 by Mrs. C. V. E. Harris
There Is Life After You Leave
I was in a violent relationship for 6 years, and having never experienced violence before, it came as a total shock. Read more
Published on 21 Nov 2009 by Lizzie
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