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Power and Control gives detailed analysis of the dynamics of woman abuse, the ways in which a women's confidence and independence are whittled away by men who alternate rage and affection. These same men are entirely credible to the wider world and no-one would suspect what goes on behind closed doors. These are also the charming men the woman fell in love with and find it difficult to leave. It is written with numerous anecdotal examples of what women have experienced, and clearly describes the effects the abuser's behaviour had on the woman and children. It also has a detailed discussion about how society creates a setting in which woman abuse can flourish, and ideas about how society and individual men can begin to change this.
As a self-help book this could help women, especially those who do not experience battering, to identify the problem more clearly and spur them into taking action. It also signposts to support services and acknowledges the difficulties in leaving the situation.
I think this book will also be helpful to anyone wanting to learn more about domestic violence, whether professionally or personally. A good one to recommend to friends or family who want to support someone who has lived with woman abuse.
Overall I found it helpful, though not all chapters felt relevant to me. Some of the material can be disturbing to read.
A worthwhile read -
After 5 years of self doubt & confusion grasping to understand the contraditions in my relationship. When he was good he was the most amazing and charming man I have ever known, who would move mountains for me. When he & bad, he was the most leathal, abusive, sadistic, dangerous, spiteful, evil, compulsive lier, venemous, mean, vengeful almost murderously abusive person I have ever encountered, he made satan look like a walk in the park.
This book showed me clearly the big picture and what was happening to me, and why I was so confused and disempowered. Living with these people knocks the spring out of your step, flattens the fun out of your soul, wipes the smile off your face. You feel broken, worthless, ashamed, guilty and powerless, trauma and bullying isn't the ideal setting to give you space to think clearly to empower yourself by seeing the truth. I was so naive, I really didnt know that such charming men, who claimed undying love, who begged you to stay and they would change could be so insincere and purposely plot to hurt & abuse another human being without any remorse.
It also helps you understand, be prepared, accept and deal with yet another betrayal of the social aftermath when you leave, as you watch their predictable charming behaviour seducing people to turn you against you - because after all its you thats the problem, they haven't done anything wrong and of course ... their the victim!!!
Thank god I can laugh at it now! because I'm free... to be me...
I was just out of a relationship that I had finally realised was abusive when I found this book, thinking to myself at the time, "Of course I don't really count as an abused woman, it's not as if he beat me up..." I was shocked to see my experiences described in such a way that she could have been telling my story, and was crying while reading most of the book: it talked about so many things I hadn't even recognised as abuse. This book has given me a great deal of courage and helped to explain what happened to me and why. If you are in an abusive relationship it will help you understand and hopefully get out. It has a very good checklist for "are you in an abusive relationship" as well, listing all the warning signs that I couldn't see clearly at the time but were niggling nevertheless.
And finally a message:
Invisible bruises can hurt the most. No one deserves to be abused. You're not alone. You can get out.
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