Polyamory in the 21st Century
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Review
Deborah Anapol has picked up where Love Without Limits left off and taken the discussion about polyamory to a whole new level. Polyamory in the 21st Century reflects Anapol's extensive experience with the subject, both as someone who has been a leader in the movement and as a therapist who has helped thousands of clients. Her honest, warm, spirited voice comes through in this book and the stories of real people are both fascinating and helpful to folks looking for concrete examples. Her chapter on jealousy-one of the thorniest issues in polyamory-is intelligent, insightful, and very practical, and one of the best things I've ever read on the subject.--Tristan Taormino, author of Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships
Product Description
Unlike other books on this topic, Polyamory in the 21st Century weaves together research and facts to provide an informed and impartial analysis of polyamory as a lifestyle and as a movement, and to place it in a psychosocial as well as an historical context. Anecdotes and personal experiences allow the reader to develop a better understanding of polyamory and the people who practice and enjoy it. Anapol addresses the practical, the utopian, and the shadow sides of this intriguing, mysterious, yet often threatening lifestyle. It honestly addresses difficult issues such as the nature of commitment without exclusivity, balancing personal needs with loyalty to a partner, evaluating beliefs about love and relationship, the impact of polyamory on children, and the challenges that arise when one partner wants monogamy and another prefers polyamory. Without judgement, she explores this increasingly common practice, and reveals the true nature of a lifestyle that many do not understand.
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8 reviews
17 of 17 people found the following review helpful
Another blockbuster work in the sexual revolution!
1 Aug 2010
Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase
I have been a follower and fan of Dr. Anapol for many years. Frankly, I thought she had given up hope in creating acceptance of responsible nonmonogamy ("polyamory"), but this work is absolutely the SOURCE for balanced, insightful, well researched and documented TRUTH about how many humans behave in the 21st century...in other words, the idea of two virgins marrying for life is a bit passe'. And she proceeds to discuss why responsible nonmonogamy is difficult and why it is rewarding. She clearly reports on aspects of polyamory that are troublesome, such as how attractive this choice is for sex addicts. Yet she also details the biological elements of human behavior that validate multiple partners. This book should become a textbook for therapists of every persuasion. It could change the very nature of counseling. It will require every reader to look carefully at the belief that monongamy is the norm and multiple partnering is pathological.
10 of 10 people found the following review helpful
Open Love and Relating: Global Perspectives on the Present and Future
30 July 2010
Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase
For those interested in a global perspective on open relating, this is the book to read. Author Deborah Taj Anapol is one of the founders of polyamory as a lovestyle and as a movement. Polyamory, the practice of sharing love and intimacy with multiple partners in open, respectful, and authentic ways, is a style of love that came into being in the United States in the second half of the 20th century. One of its seminal texts is Polyamory: The New Love Without Limits, also by Anapol.
With this new book, the author comes back to assess the progress of the lovestyle and movement. A world traveler who has given seminars and coaching sessions in several continents and regions, Anapol also shares the wisdom acquired from these multiple experiences to assess the reality and possibilities of polyamory on a global scale and in the future. An accomplished scholar and researcher trained in psychotherapy, Anapol offers numerous examples and models about what polyamory can and cannot do for people today.
A well versed interdisciplinary scholar, Anapol also outlines the history, the mythology, and the geography of polyamory here. Knowledgeable yet simple, subtle yet readable, ironic yet truthful, this book is a highly recommended read, with the added pleasure of an authorial voice that integrates charm, style, intelligence, and authenticity.
With this new book, the author comes back to assess the progress of the lovestyle and movement. A world traveler who has given seminars and coaching sessions in several continents and regions, Anapol also shares the wisdom acquired from these multiple experiences to assess the reality and possibilities of polyamory on a global scale and in the future. An accomplished scholar and researcher trained in psychotherapy, Anapol offers numerous examples and models about what polyamory can and cannot do for people today.
A well versed interdisciplinary scholar, Anapol also outlines the history, the mythology, and the geography of polyamory here. Knowledgeable yet simple, subtle yet readable, ironic yet truthful, this book is a highly recommended read, with the added pleasure of an authorial voice that integrates charm, style, intelligence, and authenticity.
7 of 7 people found the following review helpful
The More the Merrier vs. Keeping it Simple
29 April 2011
Format:Hardcover
Have you ever deliberated to click the "It's Complicated" relationship status on your Facebook profile? A twinge of guilt masked with exhilaration swirls through that impending keyboard click. Depending upon your reasons for hesitation, you might unconsciously subscribe to a polyamorous lovestyle.
What is Polyamory? Author Deborah Anapol defines polyamory as "having an intimate relationship with more than one person at a time." As opposed to swinging, which is consensual exchange of partners for recreational sex, polyamory seeks to cultivate multiple relationships beyond that of erotic escapades. For those with extraordinary emotional capacity to nurture numerous relationships simultaneously (or serially), Anapol presents polyamory as an admirable option to traditional monogamy.
Controversial as this subject may be, polyamory does not define itself as a grassroots replication of the adamant 60s era free love promiscuity. Polite company eschews talk of religion, politics, and sex - especially the misperceptions surrounding polyamorous living. News media has erroneously portrayed this lifestyle as a deviant sexual preference attacking the foundation of the nuclear family. Polyamorists would defend their consensual choice by all parties involved to live and love freely.
Anapol, a clinical psychologist and decades-long polyamorist, guides the apprehensive poly* and monogamous reader through an eleven-chapter topical exploration of modern polyamory. In Chapter One, she defines polyamory for the sexually sheltered and mildly curious. Chapter Two discloses the types of people who choose polyamory and why. This is a deciding chapter for the reader whether to continue exploration or drop the probing altogether. Chapter Three is an in-depth history of polyamory, exploring polygamy and polyandry across various cultures. Chapter Four delineates the ethical system necessary to maintaining happiness and nurturing openness amidst sundry lovers. Do you wonder if you are polyamorous by nature (or choice)? Read Chapter Five for her psychologist's description of the Polyamorous Personality. Jealousy - - the audacious opponent for poly living - - is addressed in Chapter Six. I personally would have liked to more practical application for managing jealousy than Anapol provides. If you are seeking to have children, read Chapter Seven about the various tactics of poly child rearing in a monogamous culture. Coming-out about your lovestyle has the entire Chapter Eight dedicated to it, surprisingly enough. Chapters Nine and Ten involve the reader in an examination of cross-cultural perspectives and through human evolution's relationship practices. The last chapter explains the costs and benefits of polyamory. This chapter would have fared better near the beginning of the book, so the reader could weigh the options before delving into historicity, myth, and cultural adaptations.
After reading this book, I frantically sprinted back to the safety of my blissful monogamy. Instead of defaulting into socially accepted monogamy, I now purposefully chose to limit my potential life partners to one man. My emotional circuitry would go into overload with the managing of multiple relationships and corresponding drama. Keeping it simple is my motto. For the poly lover, I wish for you the more the merrier.
What is Polyamory? Author Deborah Anapol defines polyamory as "having an intimate relationship with more than one person at a time." As opposed to swinging, which is consensual exchange of partners for recreational sex, polyamory seeks to cultivate multiple relationships beyond that of erotic escapades. For those with extraordinary emotional capacity to nurture numerous relationships simultaneously (or serially), Anapol presents polyamory as an admirable option to traditional monogamy.
Controversial as this subject may be, polyamory does not define itself as a grassroots replication of the adamant 60s era free love promiscuity. Polite company eschews talk of religion, politics, and sex - especially the misperceptions surrounding polyamorous living. News media has erroneously portrayed this lifestyle as a deviant sexual preference attacking the foundation of the nuclear family. Polyamorists would defend their consensual choice by all parties involved to live and love freely.
Anapol, a clinical psychologist and decades-long polyamorist, guides the apprehensive poly* and monogamous reader through an eleven-chapter topical exploration of modern polyamory. In Chapter One, she defines polyamory for the sexually sheltered and mildly curious. Chapter Two discloses the types of people who choose polyamory and why. This is a deciding chapter for the reader whether to continue exploration or drop the probing altogether. Chapter Three is an in-depth history of polyamory, exploring polygamy and polyandry across various cultures. Chapter Four delineates the ethical system necessary to maintaining happiness and nurturing openness amidst sundry lovers. Do you wonder if you are polyamorous by nature (or choice)? Read Chapter Five for her psychologist's description of the Polyamorous Personality. Jealousy - - the audacious opponent for poly living - - is addressed in Chapter Six. I personally would have liked to more practical application for managing jealousy than Anapol provides. If you are seeking to have children, read Chapter Seven about the various tactics of poly child rearing in a monogamous culture. Coming-out about your lovestyle has the entire Chapter Eight dedicated to it, surprisingly enough. Chapters Nine and Ten involve the reader in an examination of cross-cultural perspectives and through human evolution's relationship practices. The last chapter explains the costs and benefits of polyamory. This chapter would have fared better near the beginning of the book, so the reader could weigh the options before delving into historicity, myth, and cultural adaptations.
After reading this book, I frantically sprinted back to the safety of my blissful monogamy. Instead of defaulting into socially accepted monogamy, I now purposefully chose to limit my potential life partners to one man. My emotional circuitry would go into overload with the managing of multiple relationships and corresponding drama. Keeping it simple is my motto. For the poly lover, I wish for you the more the merrier.
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