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Police, Crime & 999: The True Story of a Front Line Officer [Paperback]

John Donoghue
4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (422 customer reviews)
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Book Description

1 Aug 2011
Ever wondered what really happens behind the scenes in the police? What bizarre 999 calls are made to the emergency services? Why can wearing two pairs of socks make you a suspect? What is the link between police and vampires? Which Royal arrest never made news headlines? What covert sign do officers make when they no longer wish to talk to you? After successful careers in both the military and business, John Donoghue realised that the higher you get in any organisation, the less fun you have. So, after handing back his expense account and company car, he joined the police in search of excitement and thrills... and discovered some surprising answers to these puzzling questions. PC John Donoghue reveals all in his fascinating and hilarious true account of a year in the life of a front line response officer. Names and places have been changed to protect the guilty... but if you call the police, maybe, just maybe, it could be Police Constable John Donoghue turning up at your door. This book will appeal to anyone interested in crime and police, as well as fans of autobiographies and humour.

Frequently Bought Together

Police, Crime & 999: The True Story of a Front Line Officer + Police, Lies and Alibis: The True Story of a Front Line Officer + Wasting Police Time: The Crazy World of the War on Crime
Price For All Three: 21.57

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Product details

  • Paperback: 304 pages
  • Publisher: Matador (1 Aug 2011)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1848766858
  • ISBN-13: 978-1848766853
  • Product Dimensions: 21.6 x 14 x 1.7 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (422 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 66,487 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

John Donoghue never set out to be to be a writer ... he wanted to be a sailor ...and a soldier ...and a policeman.

When he left school, he ran away to sea ...or more accurately, caught the train and joined the Royal Navy. After six years on the high seas, he transferred to the Army, serving Queen and Country throughout the Cold War.

However, when it began to thaw, he took this as my cue to move on. Leaving the army as a Captain, he joined an international security organisation, although it was more budgets and spread-sheets than James Bond and Pussy Galore.

Bored, and in search of more fun and excitement, he handed back his company car, expense account and keys to the executive toilets and joined the police force where he is currently a serving police officer.

He has written three books.

'Police, Crime & 999' covers a year in his life as a front line response officer.

'Police, Lies & Alibis' is the follow up, following the further adventures of 'E' shift.

"We are the cops who respond initially to the 999 (911) calls with the blue lights flashing and sirens blaring. It's your all access view behind the scenes of what REALLY happens in the police."

Both police books have won the coveted People's Book Awards - voted for by members of the public.

Genre: Humour, True crime, Autobiography

'Shakespeare My Butt!' is the tale of his military service on land and sea, how he played Moses to the dog world with 'The Ten Commandments of Dog' and finally, his odyssey around the bizarre named places in Britain - towns and villages with names such as 'No Place', 'Pity Me', 'Wetwang' and 'Twatt'.

Genre: Humour, Military, Travel, Autobiography (NOTE: make sure you get the updated version with Che Sweep on the cover)

It was infamously described in a review as 'Bill Bryson on magic mushrooms'.

John is on twitter @JohnDonoghue64

Product Description

About the Author

John Donoghue served as a commissioned officer in both the Royal Navy and British Army before a successful career as a consultant, advising on some of the country's highest security sites. In search of new adventure, John then joined the police where he is currently a serving officer.

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
20 of 22 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A truly FIRST CLASS book 2 Jun 2012
By Zorro
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
This book is perhaps THE best Police based book I have ever read! It is very well written, researched and presented. From the opening chapter to the very last it will have you enthralled, laughing and mesmerised by Policing in todays Society. I gave the book 5 stars and it IS WORTH IT! I HIGHLY RECOMMEND this book to you and at under 4.00 it is, pardon the pun, a steal!
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19 of 21 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Split your sides laughing, call 999 2 Jun 2012
An entertaining twist of life in the thin blue line. Everything from Eyeore to Dracula, from dogs to custody suites. The fun times and the hard times. It's a book you just want to keep reading, loved every minute. Go out and get this book, it's a crime if you don't.
This book was even funnier after reading it for the second time after finding the little bits I missed the first time.
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34 of 39 people found the following review helpful
This book is a real classic. It's funny, addictive and insightful. The stories will make you laugh out loud and you will spend most of your time trying to read segments of the narrative to your nearest and dearest as it's too good not to pass on. A great book for anyone - you don't need to be intrigued by the workings of the police to love reading it but, if you are, there is plenty of juicy detail which is presented in an enjoyable and easy to read way. The wittiest yarn I have read for a very, very long time.
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15 of 17 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Full of laughs 22 Feb 2013
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
I decided to read this off the back of other reviews and comments from twitter. I am so glad I did. This book is full of fun and laughter and in some cases a real eye opener into what our fine Police force face each and every day.

If you need a giggle, then this will provide many.
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20 of 23 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Put simply: buy this now 24 Feb 2013
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
Police Crime & 999 gives an absolutely hilarious insight into the side of modern policing often not reported with fantastic tales behind the blaring sirens of rushing police cars and the hands on side of policing. From a crowd drunken travellers hellbent on robbing a dead body to a mother with the most amazing threat ever to a bold child you will be bent over with laughter from the very first page.

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14 of 16 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Brilliant! 30 May 2012
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
A lot of positive reviews about this book and I would echo every one. As a police officer it was easy to identify with the jobs and personalities set down in this book. For people outside of the job it will offer a differing insight to the world of response policing than that provided by the heavily edited fly on the wall documentaries that are endlessly repeated on Dave or UK Gold. It's an insight that accurately reflects the life of a response officer complete with the real and sometimes strange incidents that we are asked to attend, and all written with a very funny sense of humour. Hopefully another book is in the pipeline, (not the one in the custody block....). But I digress, stop reading this review and start reading the book.
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19 of 22 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Brilliant LOL stuff 28 Jan 2012
I purchased this book after it was recommended to me.
It arrived yest and all I can say is thank god it arrived on a Friday as work could have got in the way. If you are looking for laugh out loud moments combined with an informative and educational insight into the life of a copper in this day and age, you have found the book for you. I have a tremendous amount of respect for any boy in blue, but reading this book, I think John Donoghue and his collegues need a medal!!!! I would not have the patience!
Written brilliantly, content.... hilarious, and I defy any female not to read it and question..... homes of precious items..... and if we are in the obvious catergory of perving over the uniform.
If your male...... you will love the blunt humour and the ability to find a positive out of a negative, no more clues other than "great rack".
Something for everyone, highly recommend, and to those who have already asked me what I'm laughing at..... I will send you the link . Just under 300 pages of pure pleasure, and dont miss any of it, the humour starts as soon as you open the book!
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13 of 15 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Funny Funny Funny.... 26 May 2012
By lucyh
Can't remember the last time I laughed out loud whilst reading a book! Brilliantly funny, have recommended this already & I've not finished it yet. Buy it!! Be prepared for the odd looks u get when you read this in a public place!!
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars It's a MUST read!
This is the first of John Donoghue's books that I have read and I have to say, I was impressed from page one!! Read more
Published 4 days ago by Tricia C
5.0 out of 5 stars A true account
As someone 'in the job' I could really relate to this book and it did make me laugh. Interesting to see that all forces seem the same across the country and I'd recommend this book... Read more
Published 6 days ago by dreamer87
5.0 out of 5 stars Fantastic
My book for my Mexico holiday. What holiday? Glued to this hilarious insight and am still guessing as to where the place is. It must be a great day to work with Mr Donoghue. Read more
Published 7 days ago by Terry Stickney
5.0 out of 5 stars Easy to read, and lots of fun
Brilliant!! This book is written is a lovely easy to read style. You will laugh at some of the incidents that the team go to. I've already bought my next 'Police' kindle book!!
Published 8 days ago by janeyd
5.0 out of 5 stars A great book to improve your mood
If you want an evening curled up in front of the warm fire with a glass of wine in one hand, this is definitely what should be in the other hand. Read more
Published 11 days ago by H
4.0 out of 5 stars A comedy of errors!
The lighter side of policing. A humorous lowdown on chavs and some hysterical failures to die. A little gem of light relief.
Published 18 days ago by Wendy
5.0 out of 5 stars Simply brilliant.
This book gives a real insight into the police force and its officers. Written with lots of wit, comedy and a fair sprinkling of sarcasm for good measure, it's a real page turner! Read more
Published 19 days ago by That Twitter bird.
5.0 out of 5 stars A guaranteed laugh on every page
A laugh on every page in a very well written book that will appeal to everybody. It gives you an insight into the day to day things that the police have to put up with and all done... Read more
Published 21 days ago by Paul Hindle
5.0 out of 5 stars Thoroughly entering!
John Donoghue gives us another thoroughly entering book, this time about his first year as a Police Officer. Read more
Published 29 days ago by MRS H
5.0 out of 5 stars A bloody good read
I loved this book.

Whoever said Police work is all about catching criminals, should read this book. Read more
Published 1 month ago by Mr. Andy Ross
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