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Pantone Blues
 
 

Pantone Blues [Kindle Edition]

G. Lucifer
5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (22 customer reviews)

Print List Price: £10.14
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Product Description

Product Description

Ranting and raging with foam flecked lips spitting bitterness and bile, Lucifer invites you into his world, opening the rusty door to a factory full of the freaks and the deadbeats, the dross and the dullards, the petty criminals and colossal perverts.
Plundering a rich mine of unsavoury anecdotes, filthy rumours and his own first hand experience of a dead end job that spans four decades, Pantone Blues is a collection of stories scraped from the factory floor that are visceral and funny, tragic and touching - life in the raw.
From the gritty underbelly of industrial Yorkshire come a cornucopia of damaged characters...
Meet Scorcher, a pathological liar with a wild imagination and a taste for Tetley's bitter… Soulless Boss, a small minded middle manager with a bitter grudge… Hugs and Flint, psychopathic poachers who kill with undisguised glee… Weasel, an oddball with a fetish for York… Sytex and his hideous personal hygiene… the monstrous paranoia of The Shadow… the kinky antics of Snow White… and many, many more.
All are presided over by God, the owner of The Factory, who lives off the profits from this menagerie of misfits with as little contact as possible, to avoid contamination.
And then there is Lucifer, shuffling shoulder to shoulder with them, trying to escape but never succeeding, striving for a better life that always eludes him.
Pantone Blues has been compared favourably with the work of Charles Bukowski, John Kennedy Toole and Jeffrey Bernard, and it is the writer's first collection of short stories.

Product details

  • Format: Kindle Edition
  • File Size: 424 KB
  • Print Length: 384 pages
  • Sold by: Amazon Media EU S.à r.l.
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B008HSH42O
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (22 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #250,353 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
17 of 17 people found the following review helpful
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
People often think the Bible (and many other work of fiction) to be the greatest story ever told in the history of mankind.

Then along came Alien, and actually, the idea of a little alien bursting out of John Hurt's stomach in the canteen is a little more amusing than a depressed hippy nailed up to a telegraph pole being held up by tent pegs.

Point being, there's always something better round the corner that can surpass your expectation, Pantone Blues is that example, it's the perfect definition of a guilty pleasure given that the story are almost entirely non-fiction and also rigorously difficult not to laugh at other's misfortune (in this case, Lucifer's), it's hard not to rate it as highly as the award-winning film of John Hurt's exploding stomach; Alien.

I do fancy some Hob Nobs thought, I just put that in the end of the title to remind myself to get some more.
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12 of 12 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Thank you 6 July 2012
By Bobbo
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
Now that I have this excellent collection if short stories to read I won't have to thrash one out every time I go to the toilet at work. Thank you Lucifer!
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10 of 10 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Must have toilet reading (and humour) 6 July 2012
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
Have followed Lucifer's blog since the beginning, so glad to be able to finally have them all in one place.

Ideal coffee table book - if you are very very weird.
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10 of 10 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Painfully funny 6 July 2012
Format:Kindle Edition
A collection of short stories that anyone who has worked in a dead end job will relate to. The suffocation of being trapped with the kind of people you would never choose to spend time with, simply because you need to earn some money.
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9 of 9 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Stop this sick filth. 6 July 2012
By mr_tom
Format:Kindle Edition
Lucifer is the only sane man in the asylum of a Northern print works. His tragicomic observations of the surreal situations that his colleagues create are as hilarious as they are disturbing.

Now I find myself trapped between hoping that he escapes from the insanity; and hoping that he's caught there forever, mining a rich seam of the inane and stupid for our amusement.
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9 of 9 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Devastatingly funny 6 July 2012
By CYOA
Format:Kindle Edition
Picked it up on the recommendation of a friend. I'd advise you find a friend and get them to recommend it to you.

It's achingly funny. Horrific, of course, but achingly funny.

Most of the characters defy belief and it's reaffirmed my decision never to visit 'the north'.
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9 of 9 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Finally!! 6 July 2012
By Soul
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
At last, a collection of Lucifer's incredible stories all in one place.

One of the funniest and darkest books out there. A must buy.
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8 of 8 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars I love this book. Let me explain... 6 July 2012
By Johnny
Format:Kindle Edition
Just as everyone predicted, I am a complete failure and I'm quite sure it will all end in tears, probably during a stint in jail. I have six children, all of which are fictional, and I'm currently unemployed. My ongoing struggle with alcoholism, the only thing that makes my life worth living, has left me unable to get or sustain erections...

I often find trouble when stringing together the most basic of sentences and I lose my breath during the simple daily task of climbing out of my single bed, usually in the late afternoon. I get through the long and lonely nights wondering if I would actually have a personality if only I had someone to share it with...

I have an obsessive hatred for people that call themselves survivors and, until now, I didn't believe love existed. People only want an audience, a witness to their selfish achievements who can also pat their bruised ego when they fail. Sometimes I feel something pressing and pushing in the back of my mind, its hard to describe but it feels like me. It feels like me, only worse...

I avoid the agony of having to force a smile whilst being patronized by the firm handshake of a 'successful' acquaintance during a chance meeting in the street by never looking anybody in the eye...

If you are in any way struck down with a similar malaise, the usual way to deal with all this is illegal drugs, legal drugs in medically discouraged combinations and quantities or to numb yourself with alcohol.

But now, now you can buy this book.

I thought the happiest moment in my life had already happened and then I read Pantone Blues.

Chapeau.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars So funny I nearly shat myself.
Perfect reading for my sore hungover head. Recommended to be enjoyed with tea and ginger nuts. Though maybe not any from Kray.
Published 10 months ago by photoben
5.0 out of 5 stars Ha ha ha!
What a great read! Brought back memories of similar experiences! Hope the author has now made it out of the factory.
Published 15 months ago by Lauren Fisher
5.0 out of 5 stars I laughed so much my wife kicked me out of bed...
My wife asked me to leave the bedroom and go in the spare room because I was laughing so much, so often. Read more
Published 19 months ago by Walter Otton
5.0 out of 5 stars The collated works of a troubled man
You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll wretch and you may even be unlucky enough to get a semi.
Such is the world of Mr G. Read more
Published on 18 Sep 2012 by edmundro
5.0 out of 5 stars Should come with a Health warning
I bought this book for my dear father, and frankly it is dangerous. He's already suffered three crippling asthma attacks all caused by this book! Read more
Published on 22 Aug 2012 by spotter
5.0 out of 5 stars Loved it!
A brilliantly dark and hilariously grim collection of short stories. I can't wait for the paper back to be released.
Published on 23 July 2012 by Mi7rennie
5.0 out of 5 stars smashing
very good! Really enjoyed reading it. Buy now! do not delay! wow! fantastic! I really cant think of what else to say except buy it now! good stuff. OK bye
Published on 9 July 2012 by Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars Brilliantly Dark
A series of funny and achingly beautiful stories that will leave you reeling with laughter - a beacon of hope to all those trapped in dead end jobs and a joy to read.
Published on 7 July 2012 by Luke P
5.0 out of 5 stars Pantone Blues, excellently hilarious!
A collection of short stories a lot of people will relate to.
A great book to keep in the bathroom.

Buy this book.
Published on 7 July 2012 by 31trum
5.0 out of 5 stars Bloody Fantastic
I work in an office full of drones, dullards and f wits. A colleague who is one of the sane few and provides some intellectual relief, kindly shared info about this with me... Read more
Published on 7 July 2012 by Daisy
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