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Product Description
Good friendships can help you through the trials of life as well as provide company and entertainment. However many people need help making new friends or maintaining current friendships. Shyness or other factors can interfere with the ability to form rewarding relationships.
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
35 of 35 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
At last, a self help book that truly helps,
By
This review is from: Overcoming Loneliness and Making Friends (Overcoming Common Problems) (Paperback)
Like the previous reviewer I too have read many self help books in the past as I've always had problems forging close relationships of any kind, because of neglect during my infancy. Sometimes I find self help books upsetting - they go into great detail describing problems that I identify with, perhaps explaining why we have the problems we have. Books like that merely cause more regret for the past, bitterness at my upbringing and despair at not being able to turn back time and undo the damage.
This book is different. It is beautifully written and takes all the hurt and blame out of what is going on when relationships don't work. It just very clearly states where we may have been going wrong and the effect we're having on other people and most importantly, what to do differently in the future to get a different outcome. Other books often make me feel as if I missed out on so much crucial parenting at an early stage of life that nothing I do now can alter the way I am. This book changed my view about this and gives me hope that I can be different. This book states in clear non-judgmental language that everyone can be lonely at times and it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with us and is nothing to be ashamed of. She says that loneliness and lack of friends can itself make us feel unworthy and not deserving of love and friendship, this is a completely normal reaction to lack of positive feedback from other people and it can be overcome. If we have attitudes that are unhelpful (and she says what they are) we can adjust them, if it's something we've unwittingly been doing, we can change it and if we lack skills, we can learn them. She outlines the rules that relationships are built on (and that most people were lucky enough to have been taught from birth). Before reading this book I'd always felt like an outsider looking in. I've always felt that other people are working from a position of knowing more than I do and that I've been trying to play a game without having the rules explained. To those who learned these rules when they should they would probably laugh that a grown person should have to be told these. And it would be funny if it were not true. Now I know that I'm not the only one that feels this way. If any of what I've said resonates with you, then buy this book and experience the differences it can bring to your life.
82 of 84 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
A book that puts back what "self-help" takes away,
By Ross (Scotland) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Overcoming Loneliness and Making Friends (Overcoming Common Problems) (Paperback)
My own personal battle has been with depression, anxiety and making and maintaining relationships - friends, girlfriends, colleagues and parents have all been shapeless battlegrounds and sources of much discomfort and confusion for as long as I can remember despite throwing everything I have within in me (and my bank account) at the problem. I have sunk a small fortune into a mountain of self-help opuses since 2002, carrying out the exercises, worksheets, plans and mood diaries conscientiously - yet the same problems have always remained. All the visualisation, self-hypnosis, rapport techniques and silly affirmations in the world weren't cracking what felt like something totally fundamentally wrong with me.
OVERCOMING LONELINESS finally approaches the subject from an angle that has been sadly lacking in self help for all too long - the Human Dimension. In my library right now I have over 80 self help works, including all the big and much vaunted names you might expect from this field. That Csoti's experience is primarily as a secondary-level teacher is telling for me. The truth is, so many of the psychology professors and hi-charisma motivational gurus out there that generate volumes of theory and 'social techniques' miss the key point - that relationships are just that: RELATIONSHIPS - the way that two entities interact and enrich (or not) and FEEL towards one another. Csoti approaches the subject in a wonderfully refreshing way and provided me with something that I have been looking for for years: The rulebook of roles and principles that we must fulfill and observe if we are to get on with each other. If we are not connecting with colleagues or friends, chucking out one of the quick rapport techniques that self help is so often based around is of little long term benefit. It is cold, often perceived as weird by the recipient and its use keeps ones focus away from where it should be: The other person. OVERCOMING LONELINESS helps you to understand how and why the other person feels, and hence reacts, as they do as a result of your behaviours. Csoti also writes very therapeutically and offers a great deal of support, making you question negative beliefs and soothing you at the same time as giving genuinely helpful advice on how to appreciate and handle both the important and not-so-important people in your life. Csoti helps you to seek your own definition of loneliness and friendship and goes on to detail the fundamental roles and rules of personal relationships. Most importantly for me, she points out the common personality quirks and behavioural pitfalls that can land us in hot water, and ultimately lead to broken or diminished relationships. I would like to see the author expand upon this work with a book entirely written for a MALE with emotional and relationship issues - something which she frequently acknowledges as being different from the female experience and which I feel is largely unaddressed in the current available literature. This volume has been like someone flicking a lightswitch in so many dark corners for me.
16 of 16 people found the following review helpful:
3.0 out of 5 stars
disappointing,
By sally (uk) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Overcoming Loneliness and Making Friends (Overcoming Common Problems) (Paperback)
I read the first review and identified with it and maybe invested a little too much faith in the book because of this. i found it interesting but frustrating in that it often speaks from the stand point of how you treat your friends, what to say or not say to them, how to be a good friend, eg "when you meet up with a friend you should look pleased to see him and smile broadly", "always keep friends" confidences"" be ready with support", establishing boundaries, asking for help etc all these work on the assumption that you already have a pool of people who you already associate with. I read this book in about an hour and would say its great if you already know a lot of people and want to develop your confidence with people but i didn't find it gave me valuable advice on making friends to any useful degree.
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