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Overcoming Loneliness and Making Friends (Overcoming Common Problems) [Paperback]

Marianna Csoti
3.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (4 customer reviews)
RRP: £7.99
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Book Description

18 Nov 2005 Overcoming Common Problems
Good friendships can help you through the trials of life as well as provide company and entertainment. However many people need help making new friends or maintaining current friendships. Shyness or other factors can interfere with the ability to form rewarding relationships.

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Product details

  • Paperback: 128 pages
  • Publisher: Sheldon Press (18 Nov 2005)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0859699595
  • ISBN-13: 978-0859699594
  • Product Dimensions: 20.8 x 14.5 x 1 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 3.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (4 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 489,973 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
41 of 41 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars At last, a self help book that truly helps 13 May 2009
By M. Wood
Like the previous reviewer I too have read many self help books in the past as I've always had problems forging close relationships of any kind, because of neglect during my infancy. Sometimes I find self help books upsetting - they go into great detail describing problems that I identify with, perhaps explaining why we have the problems we have. Books like that merely cause more regret for the past, bitterness at my upbringing and despair at not being able to turn back time and undo the damage.

This book is different. It is beautifully written and takes all the hurt and blame out of what is going on when relationships don't work. It just very clearly states where we may have been going wrong and the effect we're having on other people and most importantly, what to do differently in the future to get a different outcome.

Other books often make me feel as if I missed out on so much crucial parenting at an early stage of life that nothing I do now can alter the way I am. This book changed my view about this and gives me hope that I can be different. This book states in clear non-judgmental language that everyone can be lonely at times and it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with us and is nothing to be ashamed of. She says that loneliness and lack of friends can itself make us feel unworthy and not deserving of love and friendship, this is a completely normal reaction to lack of positive feedback from other people and it can be overcome. If we have attitudes that are unhelpful (and she says what they are) we can adjust them, if it's something we've unwittingly been doing, we can change it and if we lack skills, we can learn them. She outlines the rules that relationships are built on (and that most people were lucky enough to have been taught from birth).
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85 of 87 people found the following review helpful
By Ross
My own personal battle has been with depression, anxiety and making and maintaining relationships - friends, girlfriends, colleagues and parents have all been shapeless battlegrounds and sources of much discomfort and confusion for as long as I can remember despite throwing everything I have within in me (and my bank account) at the problem. I have sunk a small fortune into a mountain of self-help opuses since 2002, carrying out the exercises, worksheets, plans and mood diaries conscientiously - yet the same problems have always remained. All the visualisation, self-hypnosis, rapport techniques and silly affirmations in the world weren't cracking what felt like something totally fundamentally wrong with me.

OVERCOMING LONELINESS finally approaches the subject from an angle that has been sadly lacking in self help for all too long - the Human Dimension. In my library right now I have over 80 self help works, including all the big and much vaunted names you might expect from this field. That Csoti's experience is primarily as a secondary-level teacher is telling for me. The truth is, so many of the psychology professors and hi-charisma motivational gurus out there that generate volumes of theory and 'social techniques' miss the key point - that relationships are just that: RELATIONSHIPS - the way that two entities interact and enrich (or not) and FEEL towards one another. Csoti approaches the subject in a wonderfully refreshing way and provided me with something that I have been looking for for years: The rulebook of roles and principles that we must fulfill and observe if we are to get on with each other. If we are not connecting with colleagues or friends, chucking out one of the quick rapport techniques that self help is so often based around is of little long term benefit.
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24 of 24 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars disappointing 27 April 2010
By sally
I read the first review and identified with it and maybe invested a little too much faith in the book because of this. i found it interesting but frustrating in that it often speaks from the stand point of how you treat your friends, what to say or not say to them, how to be a good friend, eg "when you meet up with a friend you should look pleased to see him and smile broadly", "always keep friends" confidences"" be ready with support", establishing boundaries, asking for help etc all these work on the assumption that you already have a pool of people who you already associate with. I read this book in about an hour and would say its great if you already know a lot of people and want to develop your confidence with people but i didn't find it gave me valuable advice on making friends to any useful degree.
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8 of 8 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Trite and simplistic 23 Jun 2011
This book reads like a poor end-of-term school project, full of blindingly obvious statements and tips that are so trite as to be completely unhelpful. For example, "Show liking. When you meet up with a friend you should look pleased to see him and smile broadly". Yes, thanks for that - but it's hardly a surprise, nor an in-depth analysis...and it doesn't help the reader to understand HOW to find that friend in the first place, or to understand what loneliness is or where it stems from. If you're after some practical tips on making friends with people you meet, a better option is "How to click with everyone everytime" by David Rich, and for the depression part of loneliness, "The Depression Cure" by Dr Steve Ilardi is a complete set of practical tips. As for how to make friends when you don't fit into the the standard "young and attractive" box, or how to feel less lonely when in a crowded room of strangers....well, maybe the book is out there somewhere. But this isn't it.
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews on (beta) 4.5 out of 5 stars  2 reviews
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Exactly what I was expecting 31 Oct 2008
By Kramer - Published on
This book gave me exactly what I was hoping it would. There are definite things that just about anyone can learn and use in their everyday lives for self improvement. I am giving it to both of my children so they can benefit from it as well. Both children are different from each other and yet each one will gain valuable information and insight into how to improve their interpersonal relationships with every person they know or meet. It reads well and I will be using it as a reference on an ongoing basis.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars ? 30 Sep 2010
By pen - Published on
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
This book is diverse and informative on the topic friendship and the opposite - not having friends. It describes different concepts objectively, and casts light on the different stages of social contact, and the processes involved. I find it easy to read and easy to look up! I get the impression that the author has good insight into this issue, and she also gives advice.
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