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Our Cheating Hearts: Love and Loyalty, Lust and Lies [Paperback]

Kate Figes
5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (4 customer reviews)
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Book Description

9 May 2013

Most of us manage to be monogamous, most of the time. But most of us also know that adultery is the 'crime' we could imagine ourselves committing.

But does being 'faithful' mean the same to everyone? Why DO people have affairs?

Using real-life testimony from those who have 'cheated' and those who have been cheated on, alongside the most up to date research, this book looks at the big questions around love and commitment.

Kate Figes shows how in our progressive times monogamy has become the new ideal. Absolute fidelity in sexual love, above all, now stands as the primary symbol of commitment. But that has created new problems: increasing the allure of the affair, exacerbating the need for deceit; making trust harder; and highlighting the shame and the wounds of betrayal.

This book lifts the taboos, asks the tough questions, suggests that we can survive an affair and that it can lead to a better understanding of ourselves and our relationships. Monogamy is possible and many couples manage it either throughout their relationship or for long periods of time. But for the countless others a more honest and humane public debate around the subject of infidelity is essential. Our Cheating Hearts, by the author known and respected for charting the emotional territory of relationships, is that book.

Frequently Bought Together

Our Cheating Hearts: Love and Loyalty, Lust and Lies + Couples: How We Make Love Last + I Love You But I'm Not in Love with You: Seven Steps to Saving Your Relationship
Price For All Three: £25.27

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Product details

  • Paperback: 272 pages
  • Publisher: Virago (9 May 2013)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 184408728X
  • ISBN-13: 978-1844087280
  • Product Dimensions: 15.3 x 23.4 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (4 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 372,141 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Product Description


This book should be supplied free on the National Health, it would save the country a fortune (Helen Simpson for Couples)

Figes brings her subject to life with passion and sense (Susanna Rustin Guardian for Couples)

As absorbing as a good novel or a soul-baring talk with an old and trusted friend (Melissa Benn New Statesman for Couples)

Book Description

Kate Figes, whose last book Couples drew back the curtain on relationships, now turns her gaze to a subject that will fascinate many - a riveting, revealing and shocking book on infidelity.

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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A balanced view with some illuminating stories 27 May 2013
Format:Kindle Edition
Overall, Kate Figes writes beautifully.

This is an interesting book, and Ms Figes sheds light on the majority of reasons why people cheat on each other. It's well researched and linked to the academic literature and the many real examples of couples are woven through the book to usefully illustrate the points she makes.

If I have any criticism, it is that all of the points are reiterated at least once; (sometimes verbatim), space which could usefully have been used, in my humble opinion, to 'build more in' to the book, rather than simply repeat a perspective that has already been given.

I read somewhere that most marriages end because one (or both) people are either disappointed in, or angry with, the other, for whatever reason. That may or may not be true, and this book gives more depth and understanding do the reasons why partners cheat without taking the moral high ground.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Required Reading 6 Mar 2014
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
I went through a painful and probably unnecessary divorce over the last year and a half. It was triggered by ignorance, distance, porn and infidelity. One of the ways I survived was by reading self-help books. I think I have read at least 50 in the last 18 months and I have posted a review for NONE of them. Some good, some a complete waste of time. This book made me think over and over I need to publicly pay homage and respect to this author...I never expected one book to cover all this issues surrounding infidelity with objectivity, care, and just a vast span of knowledge and humanity. Ms. Figes you have done a service to humanity with this book and every person over the age of 18 should be provided with a copy. This book has shed so much light on so many dark and taboo topics that I literally feel enlightened after reading it. Highly highly recommended.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars jolemor 26 Jun 2013
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
Very interesting text - and very revealing. Goes to show that human nature can't always be trusted - so be careful with your relationships
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5.0 out of 5 stars What a young husband should know 16 Nov 2013
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
"Too many times married men think they're still single, That causes many a good girl to go wrong". So sings Kitty Wells (It wasn't God who made Honkey Tonk Angels). "Our Cheating Hearts" is what a modern text book should be. It is written in a light and witty style that does not obscure the seriousness of the subject. It is the hand book that all school leavers should read before embarking on life's rocky road. I was especially impressed with the research that went into every chapter, and as a student of human behaviour for half a century I was delighted to find so much that seemed to give fresh insights. Can't wait 'till it comes out as a TV serial!
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