He's a Stud, She's a Slut and 49 Other Double Standards Every Woman Should Know [Paperback]

There's remarkably little discussion about feminism these days. Most people think we have full equality. Yet 88% of FTSE 100 board members are men, to quote just one statistic; and as Velenti points out we have very different ways of judging mean and women.

For a lot of people, feminism is either a dirty word, or something attained by women getting into management.

I gave this book to my 21 year old daughter, in part to conpensate for this lack of public debate; and she loved it. Valenti can communicate to younger readers in a clear and direct way. This is an easily digested book that highlights society's double standards.

I have long been a fan of Valenti's writing and feminist books in general, and this addition to my collection is no exception. Again, Valenti held my attention cover to cover whilst hitting me with the facts and figures in a non-preachy way. Her style is funny, coherent and entertaining whilst informative. Valenti manages to discuss global gender issues and feminism in a way that is user-friendly and direct. I value this book as a better educational tool than anything I have ever encountered within the school system or the mass media.

I would reccommend this book to ANYBODY as essential reading, and have recently given copies to friends. Don't delay just add it to your basket.

I would especially reccommend this book to younger students/readers who want a sort of 'introductory guide' to modern sexism and patriarchy.

Jessica Valenti's attempt to explore double standards in society's treatment of men and women is another nail in the coffin of Third Wave Feminism as a cohesive movement. Part of Valenti's problem is that her experience is based on the United States and, although examples of differential treatment and attitudes towards males and females can be transferred to the UK, her examples are largely representative of American cultural values.

This is not to deny the existence of double standards only that they are not as prevalent as Valenti claims. She appears to assume the only way to deal with aggressive male language is to duplicate their profanities as to do otherwise would amount to being socially constructed as the ideal oppressed woman. She doesn't appreciate that "strong language" is an expression of a weak intellect. Similarly, Valenti uses the outdated "virgin or whore" paradigm which disappeared from everyday language decades ago and only continues in pornographic depictions.

Much of Valenti's invective is aimed at other women and her central theme is based on the fact that females have vaginas. She appears unable to make up her mind whether this is a good or bad thing. It's good inasmuch as it's part of her sexuality, it's bad as some men think it's part of her sexuality too!! The notion that male and female can establish a common vocabulary and that it might not be on her terms, seems beyond her grasp. When Valenti perceives a supposed injustice, such as scientific studies which do not support her idea of feminism, she resorts to confrontation rather than discussion or debate.

Valenti comes up with the usual complaint that women are being forced into roles they do not want without ever explaining (other than by the notion of false consciousness) how women make their own choices. In her mind society is "unabashed in its hatred of all things feminine" and that coexistence between the sexes, let alone love, appears impossible. In fairness she doesn't personally exclude "feminine" things, she redefines them in a way which does not highlight the contradiction between her feminism and her humanity. Thus when she got married she suggested her wedding was essentially different from traditionally constructed nuptials. She overlooks the distinction between sexism and consumerism.

Valenti unapologetically pursues one line of argument and leaves no room for rational response. It's hard to ignore her admission in an interview that she was "growing up as a kid who got called ugly all the time" without concluding this has socialised her into a set of attitudes she is unable to transcend. She complains that an ex-boyfriend who accused her of "going soap opera" tried to make her feel her anger "wasn't valid - that I was frivolous and silly; that I was being overly-dramatic". She appears not to entertain the possibility that he might have been right or that her internalisation of his comments might have been incorrect. Valenti's anger may be real, it is not necessarily accurate.

While females may feel unhappy about their bodies this is as much a measure of their lack of self worth as of the expectations of society. Modern young women are apathetic towards Third Wave Feminism because it does not reflect those things they regard as important. They have the confidence to get what they want and the character not to blame other people if they fail. Valenti is particularly weak in her suggestion of how to respond to double standards. She is not against young women drinking but, "if you have a bad feeling at a party, or about a drunk friend or a drunk guy, follow your instincts." Unfortunately, alcohol lowers inhibitions and blurs instincts. Drunk women do not facilitate rape but they make themselves vulnerable. Acknowledging this is not sexist it's reality.

Valenti is looking for attitudinal change but appears to approach it by adopting the same standards as those who regard women as inferior to men. Valenti's notion that violence against women and rape have become normalised is nonsense. Being outspoken is a virtue, being loud does not carry the same weight. There are genuine issues over what constitutes equal treatment but these issues can be resolved by personal and political compromises. Valenti is looking to influence the next younger generation of women into recognising they are feminists and join the cause. Some may do so, the young intelligent women I know certainly won't. The book is an opportunity missed. Three stars at best.