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No One's Even Bleeding [Paperback]

Lenny Castellaneta
5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (2 customer reviews)
Price: 12.50 & FREE Delivery in the UK. Details
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Product details

  • Paperback: 228 pages
  • Publisher: PublishAmerica (12 May 2002)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1591291275
  • ISBN-13: 978-1591291275
  • Product Dimensions: 22.4 x 15.5 x 1.5 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (2 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 2,403,879 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Product Description

Review

"…feels like tales told by an old friend you haven't seen in awhile… perfectly crafted… told with heart and humor." -- Rick Mohr - Midwest Book Review, July, 2003

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Customer Reviews

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Not for everyone... BUT I LOVED IT! 23 Feb 2006
By A Customer
Format:Paperback
It's unfortunate that people most likely to enjoy this book will probably never read it. (I only read it at the insistence of a friend.) If you consider yourself an intellectual, take a pass; you won't "get" the humor. But for those who enjoy beer, cigars, dirty jokes and self-deprecating humor, I recommend this book.
First of all let me warn you, this isn't a novel. It's a fictionalized account, using essays/short stories, of a young New Yorker (Lenny) who wants to be a
TV writer. And while awaiting his break, he becomes a substitute teacher in L.A. What separates this from other stories about teachers (besides some risque content) is that the author seems to have true disdain for the public education system, understanding all too well that people like himself are part of the problem.
One of my favorite parts is the opening of a chapter where he states, "They say that God watches out for children, drunks and fools. Simply put, this means I stand a two-thirds better chance for divine intervention in my life than most other people." Another is a conversation with a literary agent who's displeased with all the jokes Lenny has written in a sitcom script (says it's "too jokey"). Lenny is baffled by this. The annoyed agent asks, "You know what happens to scripts that have TOO many jokes?" A confused Lenny responds, "They win Emmys?" But my favorite could be the part where he's describing how some kids want to act tough but just can't seem to fill the role. "Sort of like Michael Keaton playing Batman or Tony Danza playing any character other than an Italian guy from New York named Tony."
I like this type of humor so the book was easy for me to enjoy. If you don't find the above snippets funny, then this probably isn't for you.
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9 of 13 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A latter-day Up The Down Staircase 3 April 2003
By A Customer
Format:Paperback
This diamond in the rough might be derivative in form, but is refreshingly original in content. In the clutches of a typically familiar post-collegiate funk, a naive New Yorker (not an oxymoron) gives himself five years to make it as a writer in Hollywood. In the meantime, he grudgingly acquiesces to take a job as a substitute teacher in Narrow Valley.After all, he has to pay the bills, and he'll have some time in class to work on his scripts. One might think that higher education equates with common sense,compassion, and intelligence, but one would be wrong. Alas,there are as many phonies in school biz as in show biz. What results is a scathing expose of the incredible hypocrisy, pettiness, vindictiveness, and waste that permeate the hierarchies of public school districts everywhere. The author's not always tongue in cheek depiction of teachers as incompetent, libidinous, hedonistic, ne'er-do-wells, and of administrators as teachers who are promoted not because of their superior management skills, but as a means of maintaining damage control at the classroom level will prompt nods and grins of recognition that cut across all professions. Deftly mocks those who would absolve themselves from their shares of the blame for a system that grows alarmingly more dysfunctional every year. In the end, the derision and ridicule are fairly evenly distributed, but what makes this more than just a finger pointing rant is the author's reserving the sharpest barbs in his quiver for himself.
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews on Amazon.com (beta)
Amazon.com: 3.7 out of 5 stars  19 reviews
18 of 21 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Enjoyable but .... 30 Mar 2004
By A Customer - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
I bought this book to give to my daughter's 2nd teacher who is in her first year in teaching. It is a private school and very sheltered and she seemed interested in my stories of substitue teaching. I thought this would be both fun and enlightening about the "other side" of teaching.
When I opened the book - I gasped, literally, and thought to myself, "I'll never be able to pass this on." I went on to read the book, which is very entertaining. I told the teacher about the book but told her I couldn't give it to her as a gift because if her mother caught her with it, I'd be mortified!!!
It is very entertaining and an easy read. If it is a gift, you may want to scan it to make sure it is appropriate for the receivee.
11 of 16 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Save your money 23 Sep 2004
By gabe_is - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Paperback
I really wanted to like this and am by no means a snob about writing but this is the first book I've ever read that I wondered how it even got published. As other reviews have said it repeats itself a lot and comes across so amateurish it's questionable any sort of editorial process happened. That the author pursued writing for TV sitcoms is not surprising. It's simplistic like a sitcom, most of the jokes are flat (and many not so much a joke but a cliche) and it's so disjointed it'd have been better structured as a series of essays. There are some good core stories here with the potential to be funny but it consistently fails.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Rumination On The Ruination Of Public Education 23 May 2012
By Arturo Bandini - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
A hilarious,yet deadly accurate portrayal of inept dysfunction in both school and show biz, this is an undiscovered gem waiting in the wings for its closeup. Protagonist Lenny is a wisecracking Long Islander who, upon moving to southern California, gives himself five years to succeed as a Hollywood writer. Thus the barrage of clever witty pop-culture based one liners; Lenny can't resist poking fun at members of the club he wants so desperately to join. But they won't let him in yet, so to pay the bills he puts his bachelor's degree to use and accepts a position as a substitute teacher.
One could imagine a filmed version of this story as a hybrid of "The Blackboard Jungle" and "Fast Times at Ridgemont High". And like those two classroom classics, "No One's Even Bleeding",is poignantly,richly, evocative of its own era, in this case, the second half of the Reagan-Bush eighties, a time when the cringe-inducing, hollow slogan of futility,"No Child Left Behind" virtually guaranteed that unprecedented numbers of young people would soon be forever left behind.
With blunt,direct prose that is often reminiscent of Bukowski, but with a sense of humor that is rooted in self-deprecation rather than mean-spiritedness, Lenny chronicles the beginning of the irreversible deterioration of our public school system. The result is a brutal expose of the incredible hypocrisy, pettiness, vindictiveness, and waste that permeate the hierarchies of school districts everywhere. On the bright side, Lenny has come to the ironic realization that he has grown into a somewhat responsible adult;he's suddenly aware that he's a much better person than he ever thought he could be. Mark Twain gave Huck Finn a similar epiphany. But instead of lighting out for the territory, Lenny will stay where he is and watch the empire crumble from mhis perch behind the big desk.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Heh and I thought My Job Was Bad! 19 May 2007
By Michael W. Halloway - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Paperback
A good read and well worth every penny. He opens up the seedy and hilarious underbelly of the teaching profession with humor and sarcasm.

Nice work Mr. C!
5.0 out of 5 stars Nice story 22 Jun 2013
By Faron Gilbert - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
I really liked the story and I don't normally like fiction. He's a hell of a nice guy as well!
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