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37 of 41 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
From the Book's Authors, 19 Aug 2007
When we decided to write our memoir we were keenly aware of the controversy and notoriety that has surrounded the Children of God, now called The Family International. We endeavoured to produce an accurate account of our lives as children born into this evangelical breakaway group that started in the late 60's. As part of our research, we re-read through many of the Children of God's internal publications and watched the only remaining video footage of ourselves as children that was recovered only recently. The memories these images evoked were disturbing and painful. (Much of this information is now available at www.xfamily.org.)
As children we were always told what we should feel and think, and were never allowed to express our own emotions, thoughts and feelings. In order to tell our story we had to unlock painful memories, which we had kept long suppressed. The freedom we now have to speak our minds without fear and intimidation has been cathartic and has helped us come to terms with our past. Through writing the book, we saw clearly the full implications of the power that one human can hold over another - that one man - David Berg, held over the lives of thousands. The power of a narcissistic leader, that both created our family and destroyed it.
David Berg believed that he could mould the children of his followers into a form of his own choosing and often boasted that the second generation would turn out to be the "proof of the pudding." His attitude mirrored closely John B. Watson who said that given "a dozen, healthy infants" and his "own specified world to bring them up in", he could turn them into whatever he wanted. (Watson, 1930) If Watson's theory were true, then a group like the Children of God would be the perfect place to find the results to prove it, as the world we were raised in was completely controlled and cut off from everything but its own reality.
In the short term, it seemed like the approach was effective. As children, we didn't even question that Jesus was supposed to come back in 1993, riding out of the sky on a white horse to rescue us from the evil Anti-Christ's one world government. Twenty years on, however, statistics have shown considerable flaws in this line of thinking. An estimated three-fourths of all second generation over legal age are no longer part of The Family or believers in Berg's doctrines (see www.movingon.org). The present-day leadership are having to deal with the embarrassing truth of their past, exposed by their own children, and the disappointment of their unfulfilled hopes and dreams for the second generation who did not turn out as their prophet had promised they would.
Although it is true that we are partly the product of the social environment we are raised in, it is not what completely defines us. It was our inborn desire to seek out answers and listen to logic rather than accept unsubstantiated faith that ultimately freed us to think for ourselves and choose the way we wanted to live our lives. It is our hope that those who read our story, who are trapped by fear, whatever the circumstances- in an abusive relationship or organisation - will find their inner strength to break away from those who wish to control them, and build a new life for themselves and their children.
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18 of 21 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
True to Life, 25 Aug 2007
This book does an excellent job of capturing, in a matter-of-fact narrative delivered in unembellished prose, a picture of what it was like to have been born circa the 70's to parents who joined the "Children of God" cult (which now goes by "The Family International"), and to have been raised there.
Although I grew up in "Family" cult communes in another continent half a world away, not knowing the authors (except for seeing videos and pictures of Celeste Jones at Music With Meaning, which the cult published and circulated), as I read "Not Without my Sister" I recognized the various directives from the cult leaders' "letters" that the authors mentioned - and the unfortunately mirrored consequences when the adults around us implemented those directives on me and the other children around me.
So many of the incidents that the 3 authors recount and the trademark environments, atmosphere and modus operandi during the various phases of the cult's history, echo uncannily with what I experienced and saw when I was confined in that insular world. Like the authors as children, it was the only world I had ever known; escape from servitude and a better future seemed impossible dreams. I think the authors handled particularly effectively the challenge of communicating, in a direct and almost conversational manner notably devoid of melodramatics, a child's inner experience of confusion and entrapment in the face of cult-approved and sponsored molestation and exploitation delivered by the perpetrators in tones of religious devotion and of being all "sweetness and light". Disabling distress is felt when one has no other frame of reference to confirm the unruly feelings that all was not well, feelings that went against something we were raised to think was "of God" while surrounded only by grown-ups who embraced that ethos (or were not sufficiently concerned about us children to confront it).
I should note for others raised in that cult that the reading brought back so much of what I experienced and saw that at times the painful memories were too much to continue and I had to put the book down for a time. If, on the other hand, you are unfamiliar with the cult, you may wonder why I would continue reading when that was the case. This brings me to one reason why it is so important that a book has finally been written about childhoods in a cult that has sunk enormous efforts and resources into rewriting its history (aided by certain "academic" types and others that have come within its sphere of influence) in its pursuit of recognition, acceptance and the resulting financial success it craves, all while being unwilling to make reparations to the children who were abused by it. There is a source of pain far greater than bad memories, which can be lethal to sanity and hope: being told that what you remember did not happen, that you are crazy, that you are lying. It is maddening enough when it is various perpetrators; it is absolutely devastating when it is, say, a parent.
As part of the first wave of children born into captivity in the "Family", I ran away one pre-dawn into the unknown, a minor in a 3rd world country at a time when those born in the cult did not leave it (unless, say, you became a runaway, perhaps never heard from again). I had never met or spoken with any relatives outside the cult to whom I could turn.
For what seemed like forever, I felt so alone without anybody else who could bear witness to what happened. I had no examples to show that there could be a future after that childhood, that one could get an education and carve out a fate other than the self-destruction the cult predicted for its "backslidden" children. If I were to dare that today, I would have this book, and my suffering would be immeasurably lessened.
In fact, back then, Kristina Jones' was one of the first voices I heard that bore witness. It seems that her sisters Celeste and Juliana take after that same courage.
This book strikes a blow against child abuse in all its guises, because the perpetrators' wager is that even if you live, you will not tell. However, this book also renders a very specific public service because, while The Family International may not be original among child abusers in the crimes it committed against children, it definitely pushed the envelope in its sustained operation - under the guise of a "Christian" movement - of an international clandestine conspiracy that carried out, covered for and profited from such exploits as child abuse, rape, incest, kidnapping, false imprisonment, torture, child slave labor and trafficking, prostitution, money laundering and medical neglect of minors (like me - I suffered severe and irreversible consequences affecting basic physical functions) and of vulnerable adults, which neglect sometimes resulted in negligent homicide, as my case almost did.
The Family International is now intent on strengthening its foothold in respectable circles that do not know its past, often putting forward as Project Managers of its charities (projects which more often than not focus on vulnerable youth) cult members who severely abused children. The constituencies that it is targeting have a right to know who they embrace or champion.
Perhaps progress will bring the day when institutions such as the USA's Internal Revenue Service will be informed enough so as to stop granting to the Family Care Foundation and other alter egos of such enterprises as The Family International the aegis under which to make millions through tax exemptions (or other governmental assistance or subsidies).
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Truly Wow, 7 May 2008
I chose this book for some reason, from the army of others like these which are on the shelves at them moment. Not knowing anything about the 'CoG' or 'The Family' as I lived in South Africa, and don't think they had much or any contact there. On reading these very well written, and compelling life stories by three amazing woman, I can not help but be thankful for the up bringing I had.
I am truly relieved that they have been able to survive their past, and help others and each other. You girls deserve all the happiness that life can bring.
Thank you for your inspiring lives, and sharing it with us!!!
To those in the Family who reject what these woman say, God will have the final say!
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