Not without My Daughter [Paperback]

 

 

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On 3rd August 1984 Betty Mahmoody arrived in Iran with her four-year-old daughter Mahtob, who was then approaching five for a "two week holiday" and to meet her husbands family. Her husband Dr Sayyed Bozorg Mahmoody ("Moody") had lived in the United States of America for two decades and was an American educated and qualified doctor.

Unknown to Betty was the fact that prior to her departure to Iran Moody lost his job at the Michigan hospital where he had been working.

Upon their arrival at the airport in Tehran, Iran's capital. Moody's family were there to greet them showering flowers upon Betty and Mahtob. Little did Betty and Mahtob know were the appalling squalor of their living conditions that were to welcome them. The whole house was unhygienic and fifthly and the place stank of mildew. The food, which they ate often, had bugs in them.

The day before they were due to go home Moody told his wife and daughter, "You are here for the rest of your life. Do you understand? You are not leaving Iran. You are here until you die."

Over time Moody grew more and more violent and often beat Betty physical but also tortured her mentally, verbally and emotionally. On several occasions he threatened to kill her and he even threatened to beat Mahtob up.

Both mother and daughter soon found themselves held hostage and constantly spied upon, either by Moody or his family. Moody once separated Mahtob from her mother for several weeks and was questioned and crossed-examined by one of Moodys relatives.

After several escape plans fell through Betty was given the name of the man who would help her and Mahtob out of Iran. They crossed the border into Turkey and made their way to the American Embassy after nearly a week of walking in the mountains with smugglers. Turkey being the most dangerous way out of Iran.

I strongly suggest you read this book to be able to appreciate what Betty and Mahtob went though during their eighteen-months of hell.

This was an excellent and cautionary account from a woman who exhibited courage and determination in the face of virtual enslavement and imprisonment by her Iranian husband and his family. The volatile and unstable, but fully Americanised, Dr Moody takes his wife and five year old daughter Mahtob to Iran ostensibly on a two week holiday, only to force them to stay as he decides not return to America. The story documents not only her terrifying ordeal but also her daring escape across the mountains of Turkish Kurdistan to get to relative safety.

I have no doubt to the authenticity of this book, or the veracity of Betty Mahmoody's story, but do understand why many Persians reading this will feel quite angry and feel their culture and country has been represented here. I think for the American audience the wider historical and geopolitical contexts of this story were omitted to focus on human interest, which is a real shame, as there was plenty of room for reflection without impacting the drama. At its heart this is the story of a woman fleeing an abusive home, and trying to keep herself mentally and physically together while she makes numerous attempts to escape.

I agree with some critics that the modern cover is entirely misleading as it shows a Saudi/Gulf naqab/face covering, which was actively discouraged in Iran both under the most recent Shahs and surprisingly also by the post revolutionary regime - the reason of course being the relgio-political statement that Iran and Iranians are Shia and Persian, not Sunni and Arab. I also find the constant reference to the various characters "arabic" features grating and misleading, and Persian readers would be justifiably outraged. For all Islamic Iran's faults, they are not the Taliban, or Saudis.

Persian readers will be horrified at the description of Moody's family, which focuses on their volatile temperaments, aversion to personal hygiene, fanatical devotion to the Ayatollah, squalid and infested living quarters, general acceptance of wife-beating, and an incestuous predilection for marrying their cousins, resulting in madness and physical defects. While I don't doubt the truth that this particular family had serious problems, these are problems that many Persian families would recognise as a dysfunctional family. I would share Persian critics' horror that there seemed to be a general extrapolation that because this family was like this, ergo, all Persian families were (and still are) like this. While the book acknowledges the many extremely brave, and often anonymous Persians who tried to help Betty and her daughter get out of Iran, I felt the sensational descriptions of Moody's bizarre family paint the scene of an American Trapped By Evil Aliens.

My own assessment is that Moody's family, for all their historical religious provenance, probably declined materially and culturally under the later Shahs, who wanted to drag Iran - kicking and screaming - into the the 20th Century. Moody left Iran in the 1960s because he could not bare to live under the Shah, and returned and was caught up in the post-revolutionary fever which permeated Iran after the 1979 revolution. This is a very different set of reasons that most Iranians now voice on arrival in the west after fleeing the Islamic Republic. Consequently this book should be read in its historical and geopolitical context and the reader should not form opinions of Persian people and customs based on this book. Iran as it was in those post revolutionary war years is not as it is now, nor is the widespread religious fervour what it was. The Ayatollahs promised much and utterly faile d to deliver. Readers should bare in mind that Iranians are sick of the regime and most of the population are too young to remember the Shah's regime or the Revolution. All they know is that the 10% of the religious elite and their hangers on profit at the expense of 90% of the rest of the population, and are hungry for change.

What is apparent is that an abuser -regardless of national or cultural origin can be spotted early if you know the signs to look for, and those patters of abuse are common to all cultures. Betty makes a good job of retracing the signs of an abusive man present long before they left Iran. What is also apparent is that certain legal systems make it easier for an abuser to get away with it - and the Islamic Republic is one of those systems. I'm giving this book three stars not because it was not a well written book or thrilling read - it was. However, I think the wider social contexts were lost at the expense of the "human interest" focus. As an account of her experience, as such, it does very well.

I had seen the film previously to reading the book. There were some
bits left out of the film so I am glad I purchased the book. The book was
brilliant!! I lived every second with Betty and her daughter, what a horrendous
position to be in. Her determination and courage was awesome, her love for her
daughter immense! It was one of those books you just could not put down until you have
reached the end, and what an ending, Betty and her daughter's bravery when
they travelled through the desert and very dangerous terrain, showed how
desperate they were to get home and the help they received from perfect
strangers gave them hope!!

A film not to be missed and a book never to be unread!!

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5.0 out of 5 stars a harrowing story of love and betrayal
This is the harrowing story of an American mother trying to escape from the strictures of the Iranian family where her Iranian husband wants to keep her with their daughter. Read more

Published 1 month ago by Carno Polo

4.0 out of 5 stars Not without my Daughter
Front cover was slightly worn (wording had been worn away, perhaps with hot fingers!) but the book was in a perfectly acceptable condition. It arrived on time.

Published 3 months ago by H. J. Orrom

5.0 out of 5 stars GOOD CHOICE FOR A BOOK CLUB
Read this novel many years ago and then again recently at a book club and found it to be just as compelling second time around. Read more

Published 4 months ago by Amanda

5.0 out of 5 stars A page turner of a read...
What a great book, you really do feel for the woman and daughter going thorugh what they endured. Look forward to reading the follow up book.

Published 6 months ago by jw0101

5.0 out of 5 stars Not without my daughter
Super fast delivery. Good condition. Needed lots for a class to read it. Book itself is very one-sided, but a good example of the prejudice of the time.

Published 6 months ago by Rosemary

5.0 out of 5 stars not without my daughter
Excellent read for a book club. Couldn't put it down and can't believe I hadn't read it before when it first came out.

Published 6 months ago by emmahegs

5.0 out of 5 stars Amazing!
I read this book recently and just couldn't put it down. It really made me think about how people you think you know can change so much. Read more

Published 9 months ago by Asabrush Velvetear

5.0 out of 5 stars First class read
This is one of the best books I have read. It's easy to read very interesting and gives an insight into life in Iran and particularly women's issues.

Published 9 months ago by Pip

5.0 out of 5 stars Not Without My Daughter
This item was ordered and arrived very quickly.
A harrowing true story that I found difficult to put down.
Such brave strong willed women can find a future. Read more

Published 10 months ago by BiddyB

5.0 out of 5 stars Not without my daughter- Betty Mahmoody
Not without my daughter is a horrific book about how one woman has the courage and faith to leave behind her husband (Dr Sayyed Bozorg,an abusive and violent man)to save the life... Read more

Published 12 months ago

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