"Men aren't frightened of commitment. This is something that women have made up to explain away the guys that don't love them. Men do want commitment, but to those who challenge them"
(Taylor, quoting Fran: Not Tonight, Mr Right, 2007, p.158)
This has got to be one of the wittiest and best advice book on heterosexual dating and relationships, I have read , for many years (and I have read a few!).
This is a book with advice that your mother told you, your grandmother told you about not giving in too easily, sexually,in relationships: for those women who want courtship and commitment.
This advice is ancient, and guess what you'll find a version of it across many cultures and yes, across the centuries!
Taylor presents us with the science of falling in love (the chemical oxytocin) and how men and women view sex . Ok, it seems quite obvious, but a lot of us don't listen to what our own gut instincts say about the particular people we meet. Taylor allows us to question and challenge
some of the myths that magazines such as Cosmopolitan give us- it's as if all women are in sexual competition with each other. Also she asks us to challenge bad dating advice: analysing what is exactly being offered to us.
Frankly , if a man isn't interested in you, he isn't going to stay with you, because of what you've learned in Cosmopolitan...... is he?
It's more to do with your own level of self- respect, self- esteem and integrity. That will be projected into your relationships, and as the cliche goes, if you value yourself, others will. Taylor is asking readers to be responsible about what they are contributing to relationships and to themselves. And she's not just talking about contraception, either.
It isn't manipulation, because, by going through Taylor's advice, you're weeding out those men who aren't going to stay with you anyway, which is a great thing! That's their loss.
Taylor talks about how the Pill eroded some of the common dating practices (pre-late 1960's), such as multi-dating, which gave many women more choices about the men they were dating.
Some of the advice is going to be tough to some, let me warn you now!(she has brilliant run down on what you should do on the third, fourth, fifth sixth , seventh date... etc. You're right, pretty much the same advice!!)
But there is plenty of practical, supportive, encouraging and alternative advice, with a "sceptical" question and answer section, a challenging breakdown of "urban myths" about sex and sexuality. It's a great reassuring read too, for those who are already converted, but just need that encouragement to stay with it. Taylor backs up her arguments, clearly and logically, using facts and figures where appropriate.
Taylor's writing is side-splittingly, acutely witty and dry, cutting and observant.
It reverses the general mainstream point of view of women and sex, and yet, this is not a new point of view, as I've said before. Roman writers were commenting about how something easily won, is easily lost or devalued. Taylor's book when examined in greater detail , can give a woman a greater sense of empowerment and an appreciation of her femininity. Femininity is not less than masculinity.
Some women have a more "masculine" attitude , naturally, towards sexuality, but this book is not for them, as Taylor is not generalising about women. Each to their own. As stated earlier, those women who want courtship and commitment will appreciate this book, both in the long term and short term.
Western feminisms haven't perhaps , addressed the differences in which men and women do view and experience sex, and Taylor argues that this is why some women have felt used and abused by playing by some men's rules. If it's not working for you, then, perhaps you're going to have courage and fix it.
Worth a read, for that different perspective, the challenge it presents you and the splendid wit articulated. It could start another sexual revolution, and if that means men and women having a lot more respect and understanding for each other, then so be it.....
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