Noisy Outlaws, Unfriendly Blobs and Some Other Things... (Mcsweeneys) [Hardcover]

 

 

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I am not a short-story fan, but when I heard about this book through Neil Gaiman's journal, I had to get it. It's a beautifully-produced book, it has some terrific stories in it, some good stories and a crossword as well as beautiful illustrations.

Nick Hornby's story about Champina and its football team is brilliant, as is Clement Freud's Grimble, well-deservedly resuscitated from the bowels of Jackanory. The Lemony Snicket introduction is well worth the price of admission and the tale of Lars Farff, the over-anxious family man is amazing.

The collection has been edited and published by McSweeney's, the Dave Eggers mag outfit and the proceeds go to an exceptionally good cause - the running of a writing clinic for 6-18 year olds in New York. An idea that might be reasonably replicated in several inner city areas in the UK.

I heartily recommend this collection - you might not like every single story, but there are sure to be three or four you do like. Unless you prefer tedious stories about the King of Teddyland, of course.

The latest McSweeney's book to be published in the UK is the verbosely titled Noisy Outlaws, Unfriendly Blobs, and Some Other Things That Aren't as Scary, Maybe, Depending on How You Feel About Lost Lands, Stray Cellphones, Creatures from the Sky, Parents who Disappear in Peru, a Man Named Lars Farf, and One Other Story We Couldn't Quite Finish, So Maybe You Could Help Us Out. It was published a month or so ago.

McSweeney's is the publishing house founded and edited by Dave Eggers, who himself is author of several titles including What the What, which was shortlisted for the 2006 National Book Critics' Circle Award. One of Eggers's passions is encouraging young people to vocalise their experiences and to write. To this end, in 2002 he co-founded the 826 Center in the Mission District of San Francisco, a not-for-profit establishment to provide tutoring and opportunities to write for young people. Other 826 Centers have now opened in other cities across The States. The proceeds from this book will go to the 826 Center in NYC.

McSweeney's has published a long list of books. This latest collection of short stories is edited by Ted Thompson and Eli Horowitz, and is designed to appeal to young people. I hadn't realised the stories would be so directed at kids, but that's not to say I didn't love reading them.

To start off with, the cover of the book provides an opportunity for young people to get a story published. Well, it did in its original publishing in the US in 2005: the deadline for entries was 2006. The removable cover contains the first part of a story by Lemony Snicket, and readers of the original publication were urged to finish the story and send it in.

The collection is illustrated throughout, which increases its appeal to kids.

The collection kicks off with an introduction by Lemony Snicket which is very funny. Snicket compares writing an introduction with writing a warning label for a bottle of dangerous medicine. The mention of danger leads to a description of its opposite, tedium. Snicket reassures the reader that the stories in this collection are dangerous and not tedious, but, so that fans of tedium will not feel left out, he then encloses the beginnings of several tedious tales. These made me laugh out loud, and reminded me that the best kids' fiction is funny as well as engrossing.

The first story in the collection proper is by Nick Hornby, and is a surreal, hilarious tale about a country the size of a field. Hornby's fixation on football is aired here: the tiny country faces a dilemma when the next person due to fill its eleventh place in the national footie team is a boy who loathes football. The story is anarchic and entertaining, full of gems like `it was a home game, which meant that we changed in our homes'. There is a very amusing account of the first and only game played by the unsporty hero. At one point, he is knocked down by another player:

`I knew that in football people could be told that they weren't allowed to play any more. They call it a `red card' because that's what the referee shows you when he's angry with you. But I thought that a red card might not be enough for the person who had done this to me. It seemed to me that this man, whoever he was - I hadn't seen him coming or going - might not be allowed to play football ever again. He would probably have to go to prison for a week or two. I almost felt sorry for him.'

It transpires that the tackle was wholly unexceptional and everyone else has just continued playing.

The next story, Lars Farf, Excessively Fearful Husband and Father, is by George Saunders and is another hilariously mad one. Lars Farf becomes excessively concerned for the well-being of his family and becomes obsessed by keeping them safe:

`Then, doing some further research on fire, Farf learned that fire was caused by fiction. After that, no friction was allowed in the house. Speial smooth shoes were bought to slide across special smooth floors. Nothing was allowed to be cut or scuffed or even rubbed slightly across any other thing. No cheek-kissing, back-patting or book-sliding was allowed, and if your bottom itched, you had to step outside to scratch it. All friction-generating activities were to be done in the Friction Shack, next to the Cooking Shack, and family members had a thirty-second limit after which they had to come out so Farf could ensure they weren't on fire.'

The third story is Monster by Kelly Link. This story depicts with painful accuracy what it's like to be the odd-one out as a child among peers,here in the unsettling gaiety-cruelty atmosphere of kids' summer camp. However, the ending was too strange for me to really warm to it. The monster of the title is a metaphorical being, but for me, this sat awkwardly with the young age group that I thought the rest of the story - and the rest of the collection - would appeal to.

The next story, The Contests at Cowlick, by Richard Kennedy, is a typical tale of outsmarting set in the wild west of the past. Originally published in 1975, it tells the tale of a gang of hoodlums who ride into a small town and set about robbing until they are outwitted by a child.

Each Sold Separately by Jon Scieszka comes next. This didn't quite work for me. It's a story made up of common slogans from advertising, and apart from this hook it felt empty and fell flat.

Seymour's Last Wish by Sam Swope is a tale of three wishes. A boy whose mother is an uncaring ogre who only loves her cats happens on a fairy who grants him three wishes. It's a cute children's story.

My favourite story in the collection - and my heart soared when I saw it - is Grimble. Grimble, by the late Clement Freud, was published in 1968 originally, and was my all-time fave story when I was a small child. Grimble for me has, in buckets, all the elements a child's story should contain. It's screamingly funny to kids, irreverent, imaginative, thoughtful and clever. Grimble is left on his own when his disorganised parents go to Peru, and keeps finding notes left by his parents in the home, directing him to the places where he will find his next meal. For me, Grimble was magical when I was small, because Freud so expertly imagined a world where adults were remote and removed but not unfriendly, and children just got on with life, occasionally being perplexed at what adults got up to. There are so many funny parts in Grimble that I would urge everyone to read the book to any small kids you know. Here is a typically matter-of-fact section about breakfast and school dinners:

`Usually when he left home in the morning, his parents were still asleep and there would be a note at the bottom of the stairs saying, ENCLOSED PLEASE FIND TENPENCE FOR YOUR BREAKFAST. As tenpence is not very nourishing he used to take the money to a shop and get a glass of ginger beer, some pieces of broken meringue, and a slice of streaky bacon. And at school he got lunch; that was the orderly part of his life. Shepherd's pie or sausages and mashed potatoes on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday; and on Fridays, fish fingers.'

The James Kochalka cartoon which comes next is disappointing.

Neil Gaiman's Sunbird is about an epicurean journey to find new food. The characters are fun, but after Grimble, anything would be a let-down.

The Aces Phone by Jeanne DuPrau is a strange little story about a phone that transmits the distress of dogs. It has the heartening elements that make a children's story happy in that the dogs of the city are saved from unhappiness.
Last comes Jonathan Safran Foer's The Sixth Borough which is a smart little tale about an island off Manhattan which just floated away. His description of how Central Park was slid from the island onto Manhattan is enterprising and the story will raise eyebrows and smiles.

The book ends with a crossword puzzle. This really is a fun-filled package which will bring enjoyment to many kids. The fact that proceeds will help develop the writing skills of children across the Atlantic is all the more reason to buy it. But I'd also recommend buying Grimble and Grimble At Christmas if they're still in print, because they're the ultimate in kiddy fiction

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