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Product Description
The Assholes are coming to get you, Barbara . . . From Wonderland Award Winner Kevin L. Donihe, comes a hilarious tribute to Night of the Living Dead A plague of assholes is infecting the countryside. Normal everyday people are transforming into jerks, snobs, dicks, and douchebags. And they all have only one purpose: to make your life a living hell. Today is the worst day of Barbara's life. The assholes are everywhere. They're picking fights, causing accidents, and even killing people. But she must remain calm. If you raise your temper to an asshole you'll become one of them. After losing her brother to the asshole onslaught, Barbara flees for her life. She finds safety in a desolate farmhouse with six other survivors. Cut off from the world and surrounded by a sea of assholes, they must figure out a way to last through the night. But more and more of those annoying bastards are gathering outside, preparing for the coming of something much worse. . .
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Customer Reviews
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
Just so you know, I'm replacing the "a" word with "jerk"
You're probably thinking: more zombies? C'mon! But Night of the Jerks is far more disturbing than any mere zombie story. Kevin Donihe takes a surreal perspective to Romero's genre, as well as tons of gore and an emotional punch that takes the horror to another level. In this world, people are transforming into various types of jerks. They can be all sorts of things, from football players to frat boys. But they're all obnoxious, rude, selfish, and aggressive. The plague spreads fast because whenever a normal human loses their temper with a jerk, they become one themselves. The jerks are bent on chaos, are nearly indestructible, and there's no escape from them.
The main character is Barbara. She sees her brother, who is a peaceful Buddhist, confronted by a jerk and transformed into a rugby hooligan. Barbara has anger issues, and if a Buddhist can become a jerk, what hope does she have? She goes on the run from the jerk horde, and finds sanctuary in an old house, where she meets other survivors. In true Romero style, they are trapped, supplies are limited, the horde is growing, and it's only a matter of time before they break in and get you. Trapped inside are six people, and the house itself is just as strange as the outbreak.
Night of the Jerks begins with Barbara's brother quoting Buddhist philosophy. By the end, Donihe has ripped all of that away to show a world dominated by the worst kinds of people. Love proves to be the only weapon that can fight the jerks. It gives the story a romantic feel that's honest, but still asks how far that can get you. The horror of this book is old-fashioned human nature: a world of insufferable and shallow Neanderthals. How does one survive that without being sucked into the abyss and becoming just another jerk? The answer is terrifying in true Donihe style. Night of the Jerks is sort of a zombie book, but one that gets right to the heart of what makes the shambling hordes so scary. There are tons of them, few of us, and in the end we're all dead anyway.
You're probably thinking: more zombies? C'mon! But Night of the Jerks is far more disturbing than any mere zombie story. Kevin Donihe takes a surreal perspective to Romero's genre, as well as tons of gore and an emotional punch that takes the horror to another level. In this world, people are transforming into various types of jerks. They can be all sorts of things, from football players to frat boys. But they're all obnoxious, rude, selfish, and aggressive. The plague spreads fast because whenever a normal human loses their temper with a jerk, they become one themselves. The jerks are bent on chaos, are nearly indestructible, and there's no escape from them.
The main character is Barbara. She sees her brother, who is a peaceful Buddhist, confronted by a jerk and transformed into a rugby hooligan. Barbara has anger issues, and if a Buddhist can become a jerk, what hope does she have? She goes on the run from the jerk horde, and finds sanctuary in an old house, where she meets other survivors. In true Romero style, they are trapped, supplies are limited, the horde is growing, and it's only a matter of time before they break in and get you. Trapped inside are six people, and the house itself is just as strange as the outbreak.
Night of the Jerks begins with Barbara's brother quoting Buddhist philosophy. By the end, Donihe has ripped all of that away to show a world dominated by the worst kinds of people. Love proves to be the only weapon that can fight the jerks. It gives the story a romantic feel that's honest, but still asks how far that can get you. The horror of this book is old-fashioned human nature: a world of insufferable and shallow Neanderthals. How does one survive that without being sucked into the abyss and becoming just another jerk? The answer is terrifying in true Donihe style. Night of the Jerks is sort of a zombie book, but one that gets right to the heart of what makes the shambling hordes so scary. There are tons of them, few of us, and in the end we're all dead anyway.
Format:Paperback
This is only the second piece of fiction I have read by Kevin L. Donihe, the first being the brilliant short story "The Greatest Effing Moment In Sports" featured in The Bizarro Starter Kit (Orange) - definitely another book worth checking out.
This work is a sublime parody of the film "Night Of The Living Dead", with references to other cult works being thrown into the mix too (the house & Leatherface from Texas Chainsaw Massacre get honourable mentions). The genius of this work lies in the fact that Kevin takes your typical, nay, archetypal zombie story, and radically renovates it. If youve seen the film then you will know the gist of it: an outbreak of unknown origin is turning people into monsters. Only, these monsters are anal sphincters.
The characters from the film are all present and accounted for, with subtle changes to some of them, such as the heroine, Barbara - a whimpering mess who goes crazy in the film is recast as a righteous member of the public who is really trying to control her anger problems: We find that prior to meeting her annoying Hare Krishna brother, she beats up a life size stress doll!
Taking inspiration from Dawn Of The Dead, Barbara is first accosted by the anal sphincters in the mall, rather than a graveyard, and it is established that she could easily become one, save for her human efforts to control the dark side of her nature. You act as an anal sphincter to an anal sphincter, you end up an anal sphincter.
From there the book delves into a humourous romp that promotes the benefits of smoking marijuana as a way of avoiding becoming an anal sphincter, or failing that, just smoking a cigarette to chill out. Featuring funny exchanges between the characters and the anal sphincters as well as the bickering between the small band of survivors, Kevin shows he knows how to write great dialogue that is full of fun and real zing.
The house the heroes are holed up in has a very surreal structure to it, which Kevin works smoothly into the narrative so the discrepancies in the logic of the building simply go unquestioned, there is no need to question them - the story is nightmarish enough that the bizarre nature of the house seems almost a given.
Ultimately, though this book is a parody, and is definitely not short on humour, it does ask a meaningful question, this time, not about race, but about love. As Todd, the charismatic hero of the book says "Forget black and white, I think there're only two races that have ever existed: anal sphincters and non-anal sphincters." (not an exact quote due to amazon's censor) We are asked if we must fight the anal sphincters, if that is the only way - Is it not possible to beat them by love instead?
If you enjoyed the film, you'll really get a kick out of this book. If you read this book without having seen the film you'll get a kick out of this book and then go see the film because you enjoyed this book so much. Also, you'll probably want to read more of Kevin L. Donihe's work.
Read this book. Read it! No? Wrong answer.
This work is a sublime parody of the film "Night Of The Living Dead", with references to other cult works being thrown into the mix too (the house & Leatherface from Texas Chainsaw Massacre get honourable mentions). The genius of this work lies in the fact that Kevin takes your typical, nay, archetypal zombie story, and radically renovates it. If youve seen the film then you will know the gist of it: an outbreak of unknown origin is turning people into monsters. Only, these monsters are anal sphincters.
The characters from the film are all present and accounted for, with subtle changes to some of them, such as the heroine, Barbara - a whimpering mess who goes crazy in the film is recast as a righteous member of the public who is really trying to control her anger problems: We find that prior to meeting her annoying Hare Krishna brother, she beats up a life size stress doll!
Taking inspiration from Dawn Of The Dead, Barbara is first accosted by the anal sphincters in the mall, rather than a graveyard, and it is established that she could easily become one, save for her human efforts to control the dark side of her nature. You act as an anal sphincter to an anal sphincter, you end up an anal sphincter.
From there the book delves into a humourous romp that promotes the benefits of smoking marijuana as a way of avoiding becoming an anal sphincter, or failing that, just smoking a cigarette to chill out. Featuring funny exchanges between the characters and the anal sphincters as well as the bickering between the small band of survivors, Kevin shows he knows how to write great dialogue that is full of fun and real zing.
The house the heroes are holed up in has a very surreal structure to it, which Kevin works smoothly into the narrative so the discrepancies in the logic of the building simply go unquestioned, there is no need to question them - the story is nightmarish enough that the bizarre nature of the house seems almost a given.
Ultimately, though this book is a parody, and is definitely not short on humour, it does ask a meaningful question, this time, not about race, but about love. As Todd, the charismatic hero of the book says "Forget black and white, I think there're only two races that have ever existed: anal sphincters and non-anal sphincters." (not an exact quote due to amazon's censor) We are asked if we must fight the anal sphincters, if that is the only way - Is it not possible to beat them by love instead?
If you enjoyed the film, you'll really get a kick out of this book. If you read this book without having seen the film you'll get a kick out of this book and then go see the film because you enjoyed this book so much. Also, you'll probably want to read more of Kevin L. Donihe's work.
Read this book. Read it! No? Wrong answer.
Most Helpful Customer Reviews on Amazon.com (beta)
Amazon.com:
21 reviews
7 of 8 people found the following review helpful
A**holes are the new zombies.
1 Dec 2010
Format:Paperback
There has NEVER been a better parody of a zombie film. And there's definitely no one who has ever come up with something this creative before. (C'mon - Shaun of the Dead? They just changed "Dawn" to "Shaun" and filled it with British people. It was funny, sure, but no where near the level of this.) Instead of zombies, an unexplained phenomenon turns people into a**holes - the meanest, most vile and disgusting, rudest kind of a**hole you can possibly imagine. And if you are an a**hole to an a**hole, you become one of them. I've never heard of a better premise. A**holes are already the scourge of the earth, who take many forms in people of all different walks of life, and this is a real problem. One a**hole can make a bad name for a whole entire group - such as bikers or cowboys (trust me, every single last one of them are an a**hole). And I'm sure everyone has had their feelings hurt by an a**hole before. The frustration and anger they wake up in you is so damaging you might need therapy. There's always going to be one somewhere, and if you're really unlucky, you'll encounter more than your fair share on a normal day. So, just imagine that times 5 billion - and you've got the most terrifying story of all time. It makes the horrible situation in a zombie film look like a non-issue. I'd rather deal with zombies than a**holes, thank you.
And as for being a parody of the original Night of the Living Dead film, you've got something far more entertaining here. It has a better structure, there's more suspense, more action, and hell, levity and humor. There are tons of great laugh-out-loud moments in here. Things border on the absurd and bizarre, in delightfully comedic ways. I love how the characters get stoned every once in awhile to calm down. And how the book glorifies cigarettes as the best stress-countering tool there is. Thank you very much for someone finally speaking the truth about the wondrous healing powers of smoking. The only thing this book is going to preach to you about is not being an a**hole, which is far worse than being a smoker. And most non-smokers are REAL a**holes about the whole thing if you think about it. Just look at how THEY have already taken over the world.
As for the original characters (Spoiler Alerts) - you've still got Barbara as the lead here, but this time Johnny is an annoying Hare Krishna. The mall scene in the beginning is a million times more threatening than anything that happened in Dawn of the Dead. Everyone there is rude to the nth degree. It brings to mind the worst mall-going experiences of my life. Hell, one time I had a young punk run by me once and snatch my shopping bag (there was a limited edition CD in there!) The mall is pretty much the worst place to go, apocalypse or not. The black character in this, Todd, is far more likeable than the original story's character. He's the one who snaps into action again, definitely the strongest, but the only one who figures out the only way to kill an a**hole - shove a hard long stake as far up their a** as humanely possible. The married couple are as big of a**holes as they were in the original, but with a role reversal of the wife being the meanest b**ch on earth. The kind that gets under your skin and makes you wonder if it would actually be OK to hit a woman. These two are not like the a**holes in the book because they've ALWAYS been that way. There's a really creative twist of them hiding in a huge clock instead of a basement. And this time the naive young, teenaged couple are a football player and cheerleader. And there's nothing more annoying than those 2 kinds of people.
The book is an easy read. There are no boring moments. And hell, it's far more entertaining than anything you'll find on the boob tube currently, or in the theatre. Do yourself a favor and get this book if you want to have the best recreational experience of your day (and hell, your week, your month, and even your year). Kevin L. Donihe is one of the best writers in the genre, and he'll be there for you.
And as for being a parody of the original Night of the Living Dead film, you've got something far more entertaining here. It has a better structure, there's more suspense, more action, and hell, levity and humor. There are tons of great laugh-out-loud moments in here. Things border on the absurd and bizarre, in delightfully comedic ways. I love how the characters get stoned every once in awhile to calm down. And how the book glorifies cigarettes as the best stress-countering tool there is. Thank you very much for someone finally speaking the truth about the wondrous healing powers of smoking. The only thing this book is going to preach to you about is not being an a**hole, which is far worse than being a smoker. And most non-smokers are REAL a**holes about the whole thing if you think about it. Just look at how THEY have already taken over the world.
As for the original characters (Spoiler Alerts) - you've still got Barbara as the lead here, but this time Johnny is an annoying Hare Krishna. The mall scene in the beginning is a million times more threatening than anything that happened in Dawn of the Dead. Everyone there is rude to the nth degree. It brings to mind the worst mall-going experiences of my life. Hell, one time I had a young punk run by me once and snatch my shopping bag (there was a limited edition CD in there!) The mall is pretty much the worst place to go, apocalypse or not. The black character in this, Todd, is far more likeable than the original story's character. He's the one who snaps into action again, definitely the strongest, but the only one who figures out the only way to kill an a**hole - shove a hard long stake as far up their a** as humanely possible. The married couple are as big of a**holes as they were in the original, but with a role reversal of the wife being the meanest b**ch on earth. The kind that gets under your skin and makes you wonder if it would actually be OK to hit a woman. These two are not like the a**holes in the book because they've ALWAYS been that way. There's a really creative twist of them hiding in a huge clock instead of a basement. And this time the naive young, teenaged couple are a football player and cheerleader. And there's nothing more annoying than those 2 kinds of people.
The book is an easy read. There are no boring moments. And hell, it's far more entertaining than anything you'll find on the boob tube currently, or in the theatre. Do yourself a favor and get this book if you want to have the best recreational experience of your day (and hell, your week, your month, and even your year). Kevin L. Donihe is one of the best writers in the genre, and he'll be there for you.
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
Oh God, They're All Around Us!!
18 Dec 2010
Format:Paperback
This book is hilarious and frighteningly spot-on. One has to wonder if Donihe just walked into a crowd of people and wrote about what he saw, because I frickin' feel like the a**holes from Donihe's book are more often than not all around me. Perhaps that's the point.
This is Kevin L Donihe's latest Bizarro masterwork, and it's just as good as his last (and the one before that), if not better. I know that when a new Donihe book comes out, I'm gonna have fun.
The book, if you haven't already figured it out, is a parody of 'Night of the Living Dead'. Except instead of people turning into zombies, people are turning into total a**holes. And not just becoming mean- we've got Hare Krishnas morphing into drunken British rugby fans. And an excessive amount of cheerleaders. The only way to change into an a**hole yourself- by being an a**hole TO an a**hole. Hence the major predicament of our main character: Barbara (like in the movie). However in Donihe's book she's a chain-smoking woman with anger management issues. She's running out of cigarettes, and running out of her happy-pills.
Which is a perfect set up for tense hilarity.
Add in some other super-normal people (meaning: these people could SO exist, but they're so over the top you're left scratching your head), and you've got the base of a Donihe-style comedic Bizarro gem.
HIGHLY recommended- I LOVED this book!!
This is Kevin L Donihe's latest Bizarro masterwork, and it's just as good as his last (and the one before that), if not better. I know that when a new Donihe book comes out, I'm gonna have fun.
The book, if you haven't already figured it out, is a parody of 'Night of the Living Dead'. Except instead of people turning into zombies, people are turning into total a**holes. And not just becoming mean- we've got Hare Krishnas morphing into drunken British rugby fans. And an excessive amount of cheerleaders. The only way to change into an a**hole yourself- by being an a**hole TO an a**hole. Hence the major predicament of our main character: Barbara (like in the movie). However in Donihe's book she's a chain-smoking woman with anger management issues. She's running out of cigarettes, and running out of her happy-pills.
Which is a perfect set up for tense hilarity.
Add in some other super-normal people (meaning: these people could SO exist, but they're so over the top you're left scratching your head), and you've got the base of a Donihe-style comedic Bizarro gem.
HIGHLY recommended- I LOVED this book!!
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
We Have Met the Enemy and It is Us
29 Jun 2011
Format:Paperback
Ever watch The Jersey Shore? Did it make you feel like boarding up your windows? Did it make you cry a little for the future? Maybe I'm just paranoid. Maybe it's okay for us to live in a world of anger, incivility and raging ids. Kevin Donihe doesn't think so. Zombies can be scary, sure, but there's something really scary in the person who's mean at you for no reason, the person who's contentious about everything and the person who just won't let you be. Compared to these critters, zombies are a cakewalk. This book deals with what would happen if all of society became this uncivil, if there were no place to turn to escape from one's irritants. The protagonist is going through anger management and it seems like the world is testing her by turning every person she meets into a mean spirited piece of human garbage. And she has seen that by sinking to their level, people turn into them, joining the rampaging hordes of the uncivil. Donihe makes a satirical, but deadly serious inquiry into what we can do as people start to lower their standards of behavior, education, rhetoric and humanity. Is there any way to resist the growing tide of random cruelty and unbridled ignorance? Read this book and think about it, think about the irritating people in your day to day life, think about how you treat others and how you would like to be treated and think about what you can do to make the future a little more civil. Moral fiction that's laughout loud funny. We don't see much of that.
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