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Never the Same: Coming to Terms with the Death of a Parent [Paperback]

Donna Schuurman
5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (2 customer reviews)
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Price: 11.41 & FREE Delivery in the UK. Details
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Product details

  • Paperback: 224 pages
  • Publisher: St. Martin's Press; Reprint edition (July 2004)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0312330952
  • ISBN-13: 978-0312330958
  • Product Dimensions: 21.6 x 13.7 x 1.8 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (2 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 554,712 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Inside This Book (Learn More)
First Sentence
If you pick up a book about grief or loss, chances are that it will include a section about stages, phases, or tasks of grieving. Read the first page
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Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Back Cover
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6 of 7 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars An invaluable book 18 July 2004
By Hm Fish
This book is written for adults looking back at their experience of the death of a parent during their childhood and how this has affected them subsequently. I wish this knowledge had been available 35 years ago when my father died and that I might have been helped appropriately at the time rather than struggle over the ensuing years.
It is written in a very readable style. There are a few short questionnaires so that the reader might assess their reactions to the death, and space for notes at the end of each chapter. As the text progresses (and it is a progression rather than repetition) Donna Schurman also reminds the reader of significant points about what has been learnt, and the individual's individuality (!) where appropriate but without the tiresome bullet-point repetition so often found in "self-help" books.
Ms Schuurman also provides notes and an invaluable guide to assessing a particular study's relevance and noteworthiness to the reader.
Just for once, the book's USA origin is not a disadvantage.
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5.0 out of 5 stars Great solace 3 Dec 2013
By Annie
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
There aren't enough books written for those who lost one or both parents during childhood (as I did). I found this one by chance having read Rebecca Abrams and looking for others.

I got a lot out of this book. I liked the fact that it had been well researched and covered a lot of ground, eg. looking at the grieving process and then offering little quizzes giving you a chance to think through issues like what kind of child you were, how others influenced your grieving, how your parent's death has affected you in adulthood. The last few chapters suggest ways you can address your parent's death in the present and the last chapter gives you ten practical suggestions for staying positive and moving on with your life.

Can function as a quick read and then something to keep on your shelves to return to when you have time or when memories surface, perhaps at times of the year when your loss bothers you.

The appendix is a real bonus, it offers some suggestions about how to read research reports and evaluate whether the study is useful or not. Definitely worth buying.
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Amazon.com: 4.2 out of 5 stars  9 reviews
12 of 13 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Just never got to anything useful! 7 July 2008
By twilight - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
This book sounded like a good one...I loved the title and hoped for more than I found inside. The author keeps teasing, "If you went through the death of your parent, read on for practical help!" Chapter after chapter is filled with this entreaty. It gets annoying to read this plea in every chapter! Finally, the very last chapter in the book consists of 10 suggestions for moving on from the death of a parent. They are very simplistic and not worth reading the entire book to get.

I lost my mother when I was 10, and it is something I will never truly recover from. It has shaped my life from that time forward, and made me who I am. I read a lot of books about people who lose a parent in their childhood, just to see what other people have gone through. My dad was not a very interactive parent either, so I consider myself an orphan in some ways. I think there are better books about healing from the loss of a parent.
12 of 14 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Turn Off The TV and Read This Book! 9 April 2003
By Danny Mize - Published on Amazon.com
I avoided the television Sunday evening and sat down with a book. I spent my time well! I chose Donna Schuurman's new book, Never The Same - Coming To Terms With The Death Of A Parent (from St. Martin's Press, New York, 2003).
Adults who have experienced the death of a parent during childhood must read Never The Same. Family members, friends, and support professionals who wish to better understand the impact that parental loss has on children throughout their life should also read Donna's book. This book blends scholarly and anecdotal research with the compassionate exploration of some of the roots of thoughts and feelings experienced by adults who mourn the death of a parent during their early years.
Schuurman offers more than a simple list of "here's how you may be affected by the parental death in your past." While reading Donna's book, I felt the two of us were sitting down in a one-on-one relationship, with Donna exploring, coaching, and guiding me along the path of grief.
Never The Same reads like a storybook, a textbook, a workbook, and a guidebook -- all in one. The dust cover of the book contains this statement: Although we can't relive childhood, we can choose to live healthier, fuller lives. From opportunities for introspection to the practical suggestions for dealing with childhood loss, Donna Schuurman's book provides tools for healing and moves the reader toward a healthier, fuller life!
Danny Mize
Executive Director of The Kids' Place support group center for grieving families in central Oklahoma
9 of 12 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Practical and professional with humor and insight, 16 Mar 2003
By Vicki A. Braun - Published on Amazon.com
Those who work with grieving children, live with grieving children or who ARE grieving children within grown-up bodies will benefit from this book. Schuurman has evaluated much, if not all of the research, available on the impact of early parental loss. She condenses academic theory so it can be used easily by anyone working in this field. Of particular help is HER interpretation and explanation of how grieving stage theory is typically misused when working with REAL PEOPLE. For those of us who experienced parental loss before age 19, her approach is conversational and warm but direct. The questionaires are particularly thought AND feeling provoking.
Vicki Braun
Executive Director, The Oak Tree Corner Program for Grieving Children DAYTON OH
6 of 8 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Wow, What a Gem! 18 April 2003
By Carol Berns. Psy.D. Director, Children's Bereavement Center - Published on Amazon.com
Never The Same is a book that weaves a straight talking, light-hearted tone with accurate academic information. My father died when I was eleven and through my subsequent studies, I can see the relevancy of its contents.
Dr. Schuurman uses her experience and anecdotes from children and families at the Dougy Center to aid the reader in understanding the bereavement issues discussed.
I have shared this book with adults who attend our Center. Overwhelmingly they agree that reading Never the Same sheds light on their childhood history and provides insight into the current (and possibly future) experiences of their bereaved children.
One of the best things Shuurman has done is to include questionnaires triggering memories that provide insights. This book is easy to read and written with a hopeful tone.
5.0 out of 5 stars Awesome book 5 July 2013
By Storm Watcher - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Hardcover|Verified Purchase
I love this book -- not so much for myself but for my daughters who lost their father in their teenage years. It has much to offer for anyone experiencing grief.
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