Most Helpful Customer Reviews
|
|
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
3.0 out of 5 stars
The Perfect Self-destruction, 8 May 2001
By A Customer
This book straddles the divide between textbook and a self-help tome. It does it no good. It is full with analyses of cases - from the literary to the real and will, probably, be of value mostly to therapists - at least those unfortunate enough to deal with narcissists. Its main subject is the narcissist's self-destruction in its attempt at perfection. But there are a few types of narcissistic self-destructive and self defeating behaviours. The Self-Punishing, Guilt-Purging Behaviours are intended to inflict punishment and to provide the punished party with a feeling of instant relief. This is very reminiscent of a compulsive-ritualistic behavior. The person harbors guilt. It could be an "ancient" guilt, a "sexual" guilt (Freud), or a "social" guilt. He internalized and introjected voices of meaningful others that consistently and convincingly and from positions of authority informed him that he is no good, guilty, deserving of punishment or retaliation, corrupt. His life is thus transformed into an on-going trial. The constancy of this trial, the never adjourning tribunal IS the punishment. It is Kafka's "trial": meaningless, undecipherable, never-ending, leading to no verdict, subject to mysterious and fluid laws and presided by capricious judges. Then there are the Extracting Behaviours. People with Personality Disorders (PDs) are very afraid of real, mature, intimacy. Intimacy is formed not only within a couple, but also in a workplace, in a neighbourhood, with friends, while collaborating on a project. Intimacy is another word for emotional involvement, which is the result of interactions in constant and predictable (safe) proximity. PDs interpret intimacy (not DEPENDENCE, but intimacy) as strangulation, the snuffing of freedom, death in installments. They are terrorized by it. The self-destructive and self-defeating acts are intended to dismantle the very foundation of a successful relationship, a career, a project, or a friendship. NPDs (narcissists), for instance, feel elated and relieved after they unshackle these "chains". They feel they broke a siege, that they are liberated, free at last. Last, but not rare, there are the Default Behaviours. We are all afraid of new situations, new possibilities, new challenges, new circumstances and new demands. Being healthy, being successful, getting married, becoming a mother, or someone's boss - are often abrupt breaks with the past. Some self-defeating behaviors are intended to preserve the past, to restore it, to protect it from the winds of change, to inertially avoid opportunities. The book fails to make the subtle distinctions between these types of behaviours which are essential to a real understanding of this alien, the narcissist. Sam Vaknin, author of "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited".
|
|
|
3.0 out of 5 stars
textbook polysyllabic language, interesting case studies, 7 Jul 1999
By A Customer
This book was suggested to me as a more reader-friendly look at narcissistic personality disorder. Unfortunately the author's high-flown textbook language often mired me in words more than ideas. Nonetheless, there is some interesting analysis given to such works as Tolstoy's Anna Karenina...among many others.
|
|
|
|
With an Amazon.co.uk Gift Certificate, you can get them what they want (even if you don't know what that is). 
Amazon Home
Make sure you always get what you want with an Amazon.co.uk 
