Mr Darcy, Vampyre [Illustrated] [Paperback]

Honestly, I blame Stephenie Meyer for the existence of this book. For some reason, people are equating her sparkly vampire romance novel "Twilight" to the classic, understated novel of manners, "Pride and Prejudice."

So you can probably guess the entire point of "Mr Darcy, Vampyre" -- to portray the first months of the Darcy marriage, in which Mr. Darcy spontaneously morphs from a happy and contented man into... Edward Cullen. Amanda Grange admittedly does her best to stick to Jane Austen's style and manners, but these characters are definitely not hers -- and the meandering, increasingly surreal plot ended up just giving me a headache.

After their double wedding with Jane and Bingley, Lizzie and Darcy's planned wedding tour of the Lake District is cancelled -- Darcy wants to show Lizzie the continent. So Lizzie is whisked off to post-Revolutionary France, and finds herself mingling with Darcy's seductive, glamorous French relatives and friends. And despite a brief attack from Lady Catherine, she and Darcy head off into the deep forests of the Alps to see another old relative of his, Count Polidori (oooo, a homage).

Unsurprisingly, Lizzie suspects that something weird is up with her beloved Darcy, especially since he hasn't turned up in the bedroom at all. And apparently the rioting villagers trying to kill Darcy and all his friends'n'family hasn't clued her in that these people aren't just aristocrats. As their wedding tour of Europe continues into other ancient cities and palaces, Lizzie begins to suspect (about time!) that there's something weird up with her husband. Apparently she hasn't noticed the title of the book.

For the record, I'm not opposed to the idea of giving supernatural twists to old stories -- in fact, it seems like a cool idea if done well (and "Jane Eyre" seems like the perfect chance). The problem is that rather than trying to make "Mr. Darcy, Vampyre" stand on its own, Amanda Grange tries to turn it into a sort of Regency-era "Twilight" -- there's a lot of Darcy valiantly rejecting Lizzie's sexual advances, being moody and Byronic, and dazzling her with his wealth and glamorous vampire buddies.

I'll admit, Grange's writing style is very lovely, full of lush descriptions of Parisian fashions, Alpine forests and ancient Venetian splendor . The problem is that she wraps this lovely prose around a nonexistent plot -- Lizzie and Darcy just meander around Europe, having humorless small talk and chitchatting with random friendly vampires who all think Lizzie is just awesome. Attempts to spice the plot up are downright surreal -- hello, random pitchfork-waving villagers and sea pirates! You arrived just in time!

And these aren't Austen's Lizzie and Darcy -- Lizzie is suddenly overanxious and passive, just going along with everything Darcy does because she Wuvs Him So. She's also dense as a brick -- it's glaringly obvious from the first few chapters that Darcy is a vampire (albeit a daywalking one), yet it takes most of the book for Lizzie to develop even vague suspicions. And Darcy has suddenly become all weird, with lots of bipolar mood swings, fits of jealousy and a tendency to talk only obliquely about his life.

And they also do absurd stuff that no Regency couple would do -- I can excuse Darcy by virtue of his vampirism, but Lizzie? They practically have neck-nipping sex in the middle of a lake while skinny-dipping, and she doesn't show a blush of embarrassment when his AUNT shows up. They even have a squabble with Lady Catherine while stark naked. Yes, I am serious.

"Mr. Darcy, Vampyre" might have been a decent twist on the usual "Pride and Prejudice" sequels if done right, but Amanda Grange wastes all that potential on ridiculous characterizations and a deadweight plot.

This book is very immersive and sets the scene beautifully, each page is resplendent with vivid descriptions of clothing, place settings and what the sky looked like...

However the reason I enjoyed Pride and Prejudice was not because it accurately described Elizabeth's dress in each scene, it was because of the startling wit, double entendres and interesting plot.

This book is a wonderful extrapolation of its predecessor except for the fact that it completely lacks any wit, interesting dialogue or in fact anything to hold the reader's attention or engage you with the characters.

An utterly pointless read, not fit to wipe your behind with.

This story is written more in the style of the gothic romantics than that of Jane Austen herself, but it is nevertheless a very enjoyable read. Right from the first page, Grange draws the readers into Elizabeth Bennet's world on the morning of her wedding day in such a way that you don't realise that you've been captured until you try to put the book down. Instead of taking a tour of the Lake District as was the plan, the newly wed Darcys set off to the European continent where they meet with a vast number of Darcy's friends and undergo a number of adventures.

Obviously, the reader knows from the title that Darcy is hiding a secret from Elizabeth but a good three quarters of the book follow Elizabeth meeting other vampyres, almost all of whom drop hints about their secret, until she inevitably realises the truth about Darcy. From there on I felt that the story became rather a let down.

Apart from not appreciating how the ending was broached and delivered, it bugged me that Darcy doesn't even spare Georgiana a second thought when he makes a very important decision, which I feel would not have been the case with Austen's Darcy who is very much devoted to his younger sister.

Overall, I would say that this book isn't for everyone. That said, if you're willing to embrace some fantasy added on to one of the most well-known and loved romances of our time, then this is an interesting tale that keeps the reader's attention and has some lovely descriptions of France and Italy.