Good evening, and welcome to the first Saturday night devoted to watching one of the dozens of DVDs out there offering a double-feature of bad B-movies from the hey day of exploitation cinema. The first feature on this DVD is the black & white "Monster A-Go-Go" from 1965, although I think the theme song is actually entitled "Go, Monster, Go," a catchy little rocker performed by The Other Three. A space capsule comes back to Earth but lands in the woods outside of Chicago, so the police have trouble finding it. A helicopter pilot finds the smallest space capsule you have ever seen, but the astronaut is missing. Fortunately there is a scientist (you can tell because he carries a pipe) and he is able to shed light on the mystery before he goes back to the lab to figure out the dead helicopter pilot was literally "cooked to death" by radiation (this film has my type of bad science, which is so bad even I know it is bad). We then cut suddenly to teenagers dancing in a basement somewhere. This looks promising, especially when one couple go park in the guy's car. He is pawing too much so she runs away, just in time to be spared as a really tall figure comes out of the dark and kills the guy really fast (but leaves all alone the annoying dog that keeps barking and barking and barking).
The really tall figure turns out to be the missing astronaut, Frank Douglas (Henry Hite), who is now 10-feet tall and has a face that looks like a lot like oatmeal. Now the body count starts to rise. In fact, just to make sure there is no suspense the announcer tells us that the next victim is about to be killed. This is one movie where being the scientist does not mean you get to be the hero, just another corpse, because even with a Geiger counter a 10-foot tall monster can sneak up on you and kill you. Either the announcer informs us that the character we are looking at is going to die (because they have problems like an "extraordinarily bad sense of timing"), at which point we watch the character for several minutes and then the monster shows up and kills them, or we watch some people who escape from the monster. The monster is not that bad, but there is so little of him and the thrilling conclusion is pretty much off screen. The ratio between action and dialogue is really skewed towards the latter, which is strange because the two things really pushed in the trailer for "Monster A-Go-Go" are action and pretty girls, and there is not that much action (3 stars).
The best part of this DVD is all the stuff in between the two features. There is a homemade horror short, "Bedtime Booga Booga," which is pretty lame, and a "Trippy Short" called "Psyched by the 2D Dot," which torments a naked dancer with a black dot. Then there is "Driving Miss Daisy Crazy," which I think is a relatively recent attempt to make a sexploitation film in the manner of the 1960s (but I cannot prove it one way or the other). A socialite in New York City has a husband who is trying to drive her crazy, giving her drugs so that he can take Polaroids while her psychiatrist, the maid, and other people do "disgusting" things to her. An interesting excuse for nudity, but since the main character thinks it is all "disgusting" it must be all right to show it and this short is better than both the features put together. The high points are the opportunity to get a witch deflector to protect you during "Witchcraft" and the fact that a movie of unspeakable horror ("Eyes of Hell," formerly "The Mask") is rated PG. The only complaint is that I do not seem to be able to find any of these movies readily available on DVD (4 stars).
Then you can enjoy the second feature, the R-rated "Psyched by the 4-D Witch (A Tale of Demonology)," which is filmed in "Transetheric Vision" according to the opening credits, which translated into heavily saturated red. Since the film is supposed to look like an acid trip you can only wonder what it would do to somebody actually tripping on LSD. Again we have a rock song at the beginning that warns us to "beware of the 4-D Witch" (and keeps popping up through the movie). The story begins with Cindy (Margo, the mother of Eddie Albert, Jr. apparently), engaging in a sexual candlelight ritual. Cindy is the descendant of an early colonial witch named Abigail, who contacts her across the chasm of whatever separates them and offers Cindy unlimited orgasms (while keeping her virginity for daddy). The next thing we know Cindy is possessed by Abigail and this film continues to try and take its tongue and drive it right through both cheeks.
Basically Cindy has a series of sexual adventures, which she numbers (the alternative is grading them and that would not be good). In keeping with the witchcraft theme, a snake becomes prominent at one point. This 1972 film was conceived, written and directed by Victor Luminera and also stars Esoterica as the Witch, Tom Yerian as the Vampire (when he appears the movie goes all the way down the drain), and Kelly Guthrie as Mr. Jones, the homosexual neighbor who dares to reject Cindy's advances. There are also a host of Astral demons. This is one of those films that is so cheap that all of the dialogue consists of voice overs, which is rather important because you hear more than you see in this particular film (and you hear a lot of great classical music at key moments, including Ravel's "Bolero," of course). This movie is too silly to be sexy and too dumb to be funny (2 stars, which is a total of 9 stars, divide by two for the double-feature, which would be 4.5, which is too high, so we round down to 4 stars in terms of entertainment value rather than any idea of quality).
That is it for this go around, boys and girls. Come back next week when the double-feature will be "The Ghastly Ones" and "Seeds of Sin."