Back in the flaky-skinned early Nineties Mark Simpson predicted the future of men was metrosexual. How the world scoffed. But a decade into the tarty 21st Century, even he's shocked at just what hussies today's males have become - and the shameless, fatal Jersey Shore that masculinity has washed up on.
In Metrosexy Simpson collects together his essays chronicling the emergence from its closet of man's desire to be desired. And just how terrifyingly insatiable it turned out to be. He takes a long look at men that long to be looked at and concludes that the masculine aesthetic revolution is only just beginning to get into its sashay.
"Contrary to what you have been told," says Simpson, "metrosexuality is not about flip-flops and facials, 'man-bags' or 'manscara'. Or about men becoming 'girlie' or 'gay'. It's about men becoming everything. To themselves. In much the way that women have been for some time. It's the end of the sexual division of bathroom and bedroom labour. It's the end of sexuality as we've known it."
In fact, metrosexuality is already so mainstream - so normal - it now has to go hardcore to attract our attention. So say hello to 'sporno', "where sport and gay porn get into bed while Mr Armani takes pictures."
More fun-packed than Beck's bulging briefs, The Situation's six-pack, or Ronaldo's ego, Metrosexy will leave you gasping and giggling and gagging for more.