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Men Who Can't Love: How to Recognize a Commitmentphobic Man Before He Breaks Your Heart Paperback – 1 Nov 2003

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Men Who Can't Love: How to Recognize a Commitmentphobic Man Before He Breaks Your Heart + He's Scared, She's Scared: Understanding the Hidden Fears That Sabotage Your Relationships + Getting to Commitment: Overcoming the 8 Greatest Obstacles to Lasting Connection (And Finding the Courage to Love): Overcoming the Eight Greatest ... Connection (and Finding the Courage to Love)
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Product details

  • Paperback: 235 pages
  • Publisher: M. Evans& Co Inc; New Ed edition (1 Nov. 2003)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0871319993
  • ISBN-13: 978-0871319999
  • Product Dimensions: 13.4 x 2.2 x 20.5 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (46 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 166,261 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Product Description

About the Author

Steven Carter lives in Los Angles, California. Julia Sokol lives in Bristol, Rhode Island.

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HERE'S THE PROBLEM: Many men have an exaggerated fear of commitment. Read the first page
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Customer Reviews

4.6 out of 5 stars

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

148 of 148 people found the following review helpful By S. Carpenter on 24 Oct. 2006
Format: Mass Market Paperback
I thought I was going mad, that I was undesirable and felt completely rejected. Now I feel relieved, positive and have hope for my future relationships with men, after reading this book. This book is so easy to read and understand not to mention interesting, I read it in one sitting! When I met my ex, he was so NOT my type! He was serious, successful, older, and lived 200 miles away! I was not impressed or interested in his advances to begin with, for me there was no attraction....But his interest in ME changed my mind and perception. He was interested in ME, what I wanted from life, what I needed to be happy, it was abit different and felt nice that a man was interested in me for a change. We connected on an emotional level and I found it very attractive. We had a long distant relationship but it worked for us and was not an issue. The time we spent together was near perfect. He was loving, caring, honest, generous, attentive, understanding, the list goes on! But cracks started to appear. The usual apparent "commitmentphobic" signs. I thought this book was written about my relationship with him it was so true! I really thought I had done something wrong, that I may have upset him or that he didn't find me attractive anymore. Long silences, where he would withdraw from me and the silences were uncomfortable. Even though he was sat next to me, I felt so alone. It was all about "him" schedules, times, place we went to, he made every decision. A complete control freak. Moodiness, control, narcisism, comments about my appearance, being indecisive, making unclear statements, all signs he was withdrawing, and about to leave our relationship. The tip of the iceberg came after he had invited me to spend a week with his family on holiday, he even bought the airticket!Read more ›
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25 of 25 people found the following review helpful By M. Wood on 11 Dec. 2010
Format: Mass Market Paperback
Before I say anything else, I apologise for the length of this review but I'm in part answering some objections put forward by a negative reviewer before giving my take on this book :-)

Similar to one of the other reviewers I too read this book virtually straight through without a break, something unheard of for me. On each and every page I found something to relate to and identify with, either in the way the commitmentphobe in my life behaved towards me or the way I was finding myself reacting to him.

Firstly, let me answer a couple of points put forward by the reviewer who gave this book one star (there's only one person who's done that so far). It's interesting to note that he says he is a commitmentphobic man. He points out two flaws he sees with the book. One, he says that the book is too simplistic and puts forward the idea that there is one type of commitmentphobic man and that it doesn't go very deeply into how and why the commitmentphobia has developed or what to do about it from the commitmentphobic's point of view. My answer to that is that this book isn't aimed at commitmentphobic men and that he is looking for answers in the wrong place. If someone who feels that commitmentphobia is an issue for them, they need to find books that are speaking to and for them, and undertake individual counselling to deal with their own root causes.

This book very purposely doesn't go into analysis of the commitmentphobe's problems. This book is written for the person trying to relate to the commitmentphobe.
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44 of 45 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on 16 Jan. 2004
Format: Mass Market Paperback
I read this book after a painful, rollercoaster of a relationship ended. The authors write very clearly about the various, sometimes inexplicable behaviours that these men adopt, lots of which I had experienced and never understood. After reading the book and realising that these were typical and actually not my fault after all, I stopped blaming myself and became very thankful that it had ended without me wasting any more of my life on this person who will probably never change. I cannot recommend this book too highly.
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74 of 77 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on 18 Jun. 2001
Format: Mass Market Paperback
I found this book very helpful in explaining my estranged husband's odd behaviour.It also gave me an insight into other men and women I have met over the years.
The authors do make the point that a commitment phobic person may even get married. I would have liked some more information on this, but as the book was mainly about dating and weeding out people who are going to waste your time, I suppose the next book they write could cover that.
The more I read, the more I felt a great sense of enlightenment and relief. I know that in every relationship break up both of you have to take the blame. I realised I was blaming myself too much, and for all the wrong things!
Since reading this book I have looked inwardly at my desire to be with such a person, who gives very little and yet takes so much energy from you. It explained how your ego is so crushed by the time they do leave your defenses are completely stripped. All you can think of is how to get this lunatic back in your life.
I was involved for 17 years, married for 14 and had a child with one of these people. Yet I can honestly say he never committed himself to the relationship.
The book was easy to read, with no psycho babble. It's straightforward manner appealed to me greatly.
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