Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: A Practical Guide for Improving Communication and Getting What You Want in Your Relationships: Amazon.co.uk: John Gray: Books

Amazon.co.uk Review

A classic and unique self-help book, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus tackles the perennial problems faced by couples everywhere. Gray tells an allegorical story of the Venusians and the Martians who move to Earth, having enjoyed wonderful and fulfilling relationships with one another for many years. However, as soon as they arrive on this planet, amnesia sets in! They can no longer remember that they are from different planets and all sorts of communication and emotional problems set in. Written in an unpretentious and jargon- free style, Gray's tactic of using "Venusian" and "Martian" to refer to the two genders (and he does comment that these roles are not necessarily based on sexual biology) avoids the dead-end path followed by so many people, of using sweeping statements such as: "men always…" or "women just don't understand…". Instead, he says: "Remember, Venusians are from a different planet, therefore…" or, "Martians need…" This in itself is worthwhile tactic, removing blame-culture and shifting communication onto a new level where it is OK not to be on the same wavelength all the time and not to automatically understand all your partner's needs. His new naming strategy even manages to be amusing, in a way that many books in this area can fail to be, although the writing tends towards over-simplicity at times.

He discusses every aspect of relationships--but most importantly he does this in practical ways. For example, he lists common statements that a person in a relationship say to their partner, what that person intends them to mean and what the person to whom it is directed actually hears, or thinks they mean. Gray goes on to suggest ways to say what you intended that are more appropriate for the Venusian or Martian audienc--he even compiles lists of translations of common male/female exchanges.

Each chapter takes situations from either the Venusian or Martian side, making the book easy to dip into, as well as enjoyable to read cover to cover. The case for each interplanetary race is put simply and in a very down-to-earth manner, and the book avoids trying to be too clever for its own good.

Some tips from the book: Venusians take note--Martians also have monthly cycles of emotions, and need to retreat into their "cave" every now and then, so Venusians needn't feel shut out when their favourite Martian retreats without a word. The Martians could help by telling the Venusians that while they are retreating right now, they will soon be back out and they will then discuss any concerns the Venusians have. Martians should be reassured that, although Venusians climb down into their well every now and then, it is not that the Martians have hurt them--they too are taking time out. Their favourite Venusian will be back soon, ready to re-embrace their closeness.

The personality of the author shines through, the tone of the book being helpful, friendly and non-judgmental, kind and well-meaning, although the self-help strategy of repeating and summarising points results in the book seeming somewhat directionless. It is nevertheless an essential title for the bookshelf of every self-respecting self-help addict, and is a good place to start for the curious. It does also have some real gems of wisdom and new strategies--all in all, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus is a star guide to understanding the constellations of coupledom. --Alison Jardine

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"Gray offers a Berlitz of the heart, a translation of that foreign language your spouse is speaking. And hearing."--USA Today --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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12 of 12 people found the following review helpful

Gives a whole new insight as how different men & women are. 6 Dec 2001

By A Customer

Format:Paperback

In his book John Gray looks at the way men and women differ. How they are in fact very different animals. How men can be silent and quiet at just the time when women need them to talk. How men offer solutions when a women talks to him while she only wants an ear to listen (and I mean listen not pretend to). He explores many other areas where we differ. He lays out step by step methods to improve, repair and set relationships alight. I would suggest that everyone should read it who is in a relationship, whether they think it is good or otherwise.

He also looks at friends, collegues and other relationships.

The 13 chapters look at different parts of relationships, teach how to allow space, time and understanding to relationships. How to communicate, how to resolve conflict, leading to how to avoid conflict. I read it the first time in 3 days. It is a book to re-read there is always something more to gain from the pages.

He explores techniques of letter writing to resolve arguments. They work!

Throughout the book he uses examples from both his personal life and from his practice.

John Gray's writing is easy to read and keeps the reader's interest.

I really have benefited from this fantastic work.

Thank you John.

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7 of 7 people found the following review helpful

Every Man and Woman should read this book. 21 Oct 2001

I finally understand why my husband, and men in general, sometimes seem to speak a different language - we do! An excellent book and easy reading. Highly recommended to anyone interested in communicating effectively with the opposite sex.

28 of 30 people found the following review helpful

I used to think this book would be rubbish............ 23 Feb 2004

.......but now I believe that it has saved my marriage. After years of conflict, when only finance kept us together, plus the fear of being alone, I and my husband have entered into a new phase of our relationship. We have both read this amazing book, and we finally understand both ourselves and each other. Right from the first page, you feel as if you are reading about YOURSELF. And about your partner. And about the dynamic of your marriage or relationship. It is quite extraordinary. We are not unique, we are not alone. PLEASE read this book - even if you think you have a happy relationship. Maybe your partner feels differently, but dare not say so. So both read it. Do it now. A stitch in time.