He discusses every aspect of relationships--but most importantly he does this in practical ways. For example, he lists common statements that people in relationships say to their partners, what is intended, what is actually heard. Gray goes on to suggest ways to say what you intended that are more appropriate for the Venusian or Martian audienc--he even compiles lists of translations of common male/female exchanges.
The tone of the book is always helpful, friendly and non-judgmental, kind and well-meaning, although the typical self-help strategy of repeating and summarising points results in the book seeming somewhat directionless. It is nevertheless an essential title for the bookshelf of every self-respecting self-help addict, and is a good place to start for the curious. It does also have some real gems of wisdom and new strategies. All in all, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus is a star guide to understanding the constellations of coupledom. --Alison Jardine
“Devoted readers praise Mr. Gray as the saviour of their marriages and his book as the brick that finally knocks some sense into their mates” Washington Times
“When I was 21 and freshly dumped by Harry, my first really grown-up boyfriend, where did I turn but John Gray’s Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus? It was reassuring to know the reason I’d been dumped wasn’t because I was rubbish in bed” New Woman
“Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus has shed light on countless relationship problems, offering an explanation for many social inequalities…a hot topic of debate in households and offices throughout the world” Eastern Daily Press
Now available as an ebook for the first time, the legendary relationships guide that mothers recommend to their daughters, friends give as gifts and brothers steal from their sisters, MEN ARE FROM MARS AND WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS is inarguably the definitive book on having a happy relationship.
‘A treasure’, ‘a bible’ and ‘an heirloom’ are some of the words used to describe the book that has saved countless relationships and improved innumerable others. Now repackaged to relate to a new generation of readers, this phenomenal book continues to carry its legacy of understanding and trust into the world.
Since its first publication, over a staggering 15 million copies of MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS have sold globally to single men and women looking for guidance on how to find the perfect partner, married couples seeking to strengthen their bond, and divorcees hoping to fathom where it all went wrong.
Gray’s insights into how to allow your other half to “pull away” like an elastic band, prevent your emotional baggage from polluting your current relationship, and translate the phrases of the opposite sex are as relevant now as when they were first published.
With straightforward, honest writing from that precious male perspective, Gray unlocks the secrets hidden in your partner’s words and actions to enable you both to reach true mutual understanding and a lifetime of love. Discover for yourself why thousands believe that MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS should be mandatory reading for everyone.
From the Back Cover
You can’t live with them – and you can’t live without them!
First published in ‘93, this book has gone on to become one of the most famous non-fiction publications of all time.
A classic and lively book on successful communication between the sexes, many millions of readers all over the world have been able to work out what makes members of the opposite sex tick, learning to understand their verbal and non-verbal language, ultimately reaching a point of harmony where it becomes possible to live, work and love together.
• Motivate the opposite sex & get what you want!
• Avoid arguments and promote fruitful communication.
• What will really impress your mate? Score points with the opposite sex…
• Learn about the real emotional needs of the opposite sex and the behaviours associated with these needs.
• Discover the keys to keeping love alive – and staying together long term.
About the Author
John Gray Ph.D. is a psychologist , writer and lecturer and world-wide best selling author. He has been conducting seminars in major cities for over twenty years and lives in northern California, with his wife, Bonnie, and their three children.
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
"I am always asked if I hate my mother. Without hesitation I respond with a resounding no! I saw firsthand, through the eyes of a bewildered child, the changes within Mother and the damage they inflicted on my brothers, my father, others, and me. As a child, the time I spent sitting on top of my hands at the base of the staircase in the dark garage gave me time to think. During one of those lonely hours, I came to realize that if Mother's hate had made her as she was, then I would be different I had to be different. At times when she would beat me to the point I could not even crawl away, I vowed to be nothing like her. While in foster care, some of my teenage friends would either cop out or quit on themselves at any kind of minor obstacle that was in their path or immediately flare up and act tough. Some of them tried to drown the pain and animosity by picking on others, or with drugs and alcohol. Eventually some of them became slaves to their outlets and found themselves being controlled all over again.
Even now, as an adult, I come into contact with so many people who are still tied to their past partly because of their unpleasant emotions. I have a dear friend, Barbara, who years ago was happily married. But after ten years the union ended in divorce. That was nearly twenty years ago, and whenever I spoke to her, after we would exchange initial salutations, I could sense her breathing accelerating and the slight change in her voice as she exploded into the phone, ranting about how her ex-husband had done this or did that, until she became so worked up that I feared she might have passed out from hyperventilation. Barbara would become so upset and lost in her berating that she'd forget she'd been complaining to me about the exact same things for almost two decades! She would 'loop'; her mind would just run in circles. For Barbara it seemed to never end. Over the years Barbara had spent more time and energy putting down her former husband than she had spent being married to him.
Once, after Barbara calmed down, I gently reminded her that, as a couple, they had spent some good times together, at least enough to have stayed married for ten years and had two beautiful children whom they both adore. Yet I think Barbara, without knowing, as most of us do when intimate feelings are involved, got caught up in taking a stroll down vengeance lane for so long that it became a habitual response whenever she thought of her former husband. Unlike my mother, Barbara is a caring, functional, responsible person who, once she became aware of her vindictive emotional state, began to forgive her former husband and move on with her life.
When I stress forgiveness, I do so mainly to encourage freeing yourself. To me, forgiveness does not mean forgetting what may have happened to or against you. And, like grieving, forgiveness takes time just like any emotion. Forgiveness doesn't happen overnight. But with time, maturity, and a different perspective we can free ourselves of emotions that can only lead to great suffering.
Noted psychologist Bernie Zilbergeld echoes my thoughts. Mr. Zilbergeld states: "Holding a grudge is one of the most self-destructive things you can do. If you want to have a happy life, you have to move on and let go."
Today my mother, I believe with all my heart, is in heaven and finally resting in peace. Not a day passes that I do not think of her. I believe she was a person who carried so much pain within the deepest recesses of her heart. Maybe I had to learn from Mother's unfortunate lifestyle how not to live my life.
In forgiving my perpetrator, I feel cleaner. It frees me to not only live a more fulfilled life, but, more importantly, to rid myself of any animosity. I am able to love my wife, my son, and life all the more. When we elect to hate, we not only lose our compassion for others but we lose ourselves in the process. Keep in mind that for someone to hurt you, someone must have hurt them too.
Hate no one. Get closure with the person you need to forgive. Pick up that phone, talk to that person, write that letter even if you never mail it. Hug that person. Lower your defenses. Listen with your heart and an objective mind. Just do whatever you have to do to expel these bad feelings from your system. Every day, wipe your slate clean."
If you harbor ill feelings, if you stay in a negative environment and do not deal with troubling situations, you can only go so far in life. You may have the world in the palm of your hand, but at the cost of running away from yourself. Every day when you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, you will see yourself as who you truly are and the baggage and disparity you carry - every day for the rest of your life. You will be so busy with all the troubles of your world, you will lose sight of what truly matters in your life. Again, I ask you: With all that you have experienced and as unhappy as you may be, don't you deserve better than that? I believe you do!